Webbed Away (Creations & Carnivores #4)

Muscle backed up nervously as the King’s and Queen’s daughter approached him after having asked for a kiss.

“Ummm…” he said, “I’m flattered and all, your highness, but it would be illegal for me to accept your generous offer.”

“Laws were made to be broken!” Princess Braids responded; and she continued towards him with a determined look on her face.

“Just because I’m named Muscle doesn’t mean that I can fight the whole royal army!” he reasoned; and she said, “Let’s run away then! My parents are about to force me to marry someone who I don’t want to marry, and you’re my escape plan!”

“Your situation is terrible,” Muscle said as he continued to back away, “but you’re on your own!” and he took off running!

As he ran off, Braids cursed and wondered how he had resisted her charm! Weren’t men supposed to be so charmed by princesses that running away was impossible for them?

Drat…

Well, now she had to escape by herself!

Well… She’d bring her trusty steed along too. Otherwise she’d never get far enough away to avoid the forced marriage that was on the way.

She went over to her horse who was named Hoof, and said, “My plan failed, Hoof! Muscle is just a big coward! Such a coward that even my charm couldn’t knock some courage into him!”

“I knew that he probably wouldn’t live up to his name;” Hoof said smugly as Princess Braids climbed on top of him so that they could escape, “I mean, just look at how poorly you live up to your name! I’ve never seen you have any braids in your life!”

“You live up to your name though!” Princess Braids reasoned as Hoof began trotting away from the castle with her on his back, “I mean, those hooves of yours have already taken us almost a mile away from the castle!”

“Note that you said “hooves” and not “hoof” though.” Hoof reasoned, “In order to live up to my name, I would have to have only one hoof!”

“What!?” Princess Braids said dismissively, “And so that means that if I grew a braid then I still wouldn’t be living up to my name because I’d only have one?”

“Yup!” Hoof responded, “Though maybe that means that Muscle did live up to his name! Maybe he’s only got one muscle, and he’d need multiple muscles in order to be able to be brave enough to break laws and whatnot for you!”

“Oh, he has multiple muscles!” Braids said unhappily, “He could’ve come along and been just fine if he’d wanted to! Maybe he just doesn’t think that I’m his true love.”

But then suddenly another horse trotted up beside them, and Muscle was on the horse!

“Hey, y’all!“ he said, “I got suspicious that the Princess might run away, and so I’m here with Tails here to bring her back! Surely you can see reason and abandon this nonsense, right Hoof?”

“He’s not a coward like you are!” Braids huffed, “And I bet that Tails isn’t either!”

“Tails wouldn’t betray me!” Muscle said in a voice that sounded a bit worried; and Tails said, “Heads or tails?” and Hoof said, “Tails!” and Tails used her tail to flip a coin, and the coin landed on tails.

“Since Hoof won the coin toss, he gets to decide what I do!” Tails said cheerfully; and Hoof said, “That’s great and all, but is it fair for us to force Muscle to come along like this?”

“Nobody’s forcing anybody,” Tails said happily, “because Muscle can just get off of me and walk home!”

“Whaaa???” Muscle said in a panicked tone of voice, “No I can’t! People saw me leave on your back, and if I return without you then I’ll get in big trouble because it’s illegal to ride a horse somewhere and then return without being able to explain where the horse is!”

“That’s an unfortunate law, isn’t it?” Tails said smugly; and Braids added, “Like some other unfortunate laws that we all know about!”

“Oh, come on!” Muscle groaned, “Of course it’s illegal for a commoner to kiss a Princess! You have your duties, and I have mine! We’re fundamentally incompatible!”

“Stop flattering yourself,” Braids scoffed, “I was referring to laws that force princesses to marry people who they don’t want to marry, and I don’t even want to kiss your cowardly lips!”

“Cowardly? Lol!” Muscle said with a laugh, “So now anyone who believes in law and order is cowardly? Nope! Not playing that game!”

“You didn’t seem to believe in law and order when you told me that my situation was terrible!” Braids shot back, “You just sounded like a coward because you acknowledged that the laws weren’t fair but then said you wouldn’t help me!”

“I said that your situation was terrible!,” Muscle protested, “and I was correct! It was terrible that you were being an insufferably privileged and pampered miscreant who was placing your own desires above doing your royal duty and following the law! Someday you’ll realize that the laws are just, and you’ll stop being such a silly Princess!”

“You realize that you’re breaking the law by escaping with the Princess, right?” Tails said; and Muscle said, “No I’m not! You’re taking me hostage by not returning with me! I’m a prisoner of yours, and I will be until you bring me back home!”

“You’re not a prisoner!” Tails said in an exasperated tone of voice, “I already said that you’re free to return at any time!”

“And I already told you that if I return without you then I’ll get in trouble! You’re the key to my safe return home, and you’re intentionally not taking the small amount of time and energy that it would take to bring me home! Thus, I’m a prisoner!”

“Can we all agree to disagree about all of this?” Hoof said in an exasperated tone of voice, “We get it. Muscle wants to return hime, but doesn’t want to get in trouble. He wants to obey the laws, but he’s caught between a rock and a hard place. And he wants to kiss the Princess, but that would break the law, and Braids probably doesn’t even want to kiss him anymore.”

“Oh, she still does!” Muscle said with a smirk, “I’m more irresistible than she is! Always have been, always will be.”

“Lol!” Braids laughed, “You’re so irresistible that you can’t even convince me to return home so that you can follow your precious laws?”

“The laws are there for a reason!” Muscle barked, “And I meant irresistible in a romantic way. IF I wanted you to fall in love with me and kiss me, THEN you would fall in love with me and kiss me!”

“You were only ever an escape plan for me!,” Braids declared, “and nothing more! I would have ditched you the second that you had ceased to be useful to me, and I would never have fallen in love with you!”

“If those words are true,” Muscle reasoned, “then I was pretty smart to not kiss you when you tried to kiss me! You were being like a female black widow who uses a male black widow and then kills him!”

Then a female black widow who had been traveling along with them in Braids’ hair said, “That’s not as common as you humans often make it out to be! Stop talking smack about black widows!”

“Did you know that you have a black widow in your hair?” Muscle asked worriedly; and Braid said, “Of course! If we encounter trouble then having a black widow on our side will be quite useful!”

“She won’t poison us though?” Muscle said nervously; and the black widow said, “Of course not! I’m Braids’ friend, and would only poison you if you were a threat to her; and you’re an insufferable hypocrite, but not an actual threat. My name’s Widow, by the way!”

“Not to be rude,” Muscle said worriedly, “but did you become named Widow because you made yourself into a widow by killing your mate?”

“Of course not, you imbecile!” Widow raged!, “I literally just told you that that stereotype isn’t as common as you thought it was! Your supposed respect for laws sure didn’t result in you having good manners! Hmph!”

Then Tails said, “Woohoo! We just crossed a border between realms, and so now we’re in a realm where the laws are much less strict!”

“Yup!” Hoof said happily, “We’ll travel a bit further so that we won’t be visible from the other side of the border, and then we can set up camp and plan out what our next move will be!”

“Of course there’s no plan!” Muscle wailed, “You take me hostage and don’t even have a plan!”

“You’re not a hostage!” Braids raged, “You can leave whenever you want to!, just like Tails said you could! And let’s not forget that if you hadn’t had the bright idea to try n’ force me to return to the castle then you wouldn’t be with us right now! You’re projecting your desire to take me captive on to us!”

“Oh, so now it’s taking a Princess captive to bring her back to the Queen and King?” Muscle said with a laugh, “That’s just called being a good citizen of the realm!”

“Lol!” Braids chuckled in satisfaction, “So when you try to take me captive you’re just being a good citizen, and when we don’t even take you captive we’re evil kidnappers. You’re making no sense, as usual, Muscle!”

Then Tails asked, “So, Muscle, if I were to bring you home now then what would you do? Would you tell the King and Queen where the Princess went to?”

“Gaaaaahhhh!” Muscle said in a frustrated tone of voice, “You know that that ship has sailed for me! People know that the Princess is missing by now, and if I return then people will suspect that I had something to do with her disappearance! For worse or for worse, I’m stuck with you miscreants now, and I’m a miscreant too because of the impossible situation that I’m in! My only path back to my normal life would be if the Princess were to come home too, and I don’t think that I’m gonna convince y’all to make that happen!”

“You are indeed caught in quite a sticky web, aren’t you?” Widow mused; and Muscle chuckled and said, “See! The spider gets it!”

“Well, I need to get caught in a sticky web called sleep soon!” Hoof declared, “And we’re plenty far enough into this realm now that it’s safe for us to stop and rest for the night.” and then Braids got off of Hoof’s back and Hoof was soon fast asleep.

Braids then pulled a portable tent out from among her supplies, and built it very quickly, and then said, “You’re welcome to stay in this tent if you want to, Muscle.” and Widow said, “Wait!” and Tails added, “Yeah! You two should be married before sleeping together in a tent!”

“Do you two agree to be wife and husband?” Widow asked; and then added, “Just say ‘I do’ if you do.”

Muscle had wanted to follow laws and whatnot before, but now that he was so caught inside of webs of lawlessness he decided that he may as well not be a monk about things and said, “I do if she does…” and Braids said, “I do too, obviously, since that was my goal all along! I mean, seriously? You thought that I was going to use you and dump you? I’m not like that!”

“You still ruined my life though…” Muscle grumbled, “And none of you creeps had better expect us to consummate this thing any time soon! I like the idea of having a close companion who I’m married to, but I’m not ready to do all of the spicy stuff right now!”

“I don’t want spicy stuff from you either yet!” Braids said exasperatedly, “And so let’s just go into the tent and get some sleep, ok?”

“Goodnight, newlyweds!” Widow said happily; and Tails said, “And if you end up wanting to consummate the thing after all then that’s fine with us!” and Braids said, “Not happening!” and Muscle said, “Yeah! We barely even know each other!” and then the 4 of them were soon all as fast asleep as Hoof was…