The spiritual feast
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One day, the skilled shaman of our village announced the inevitable death of our parents,which is was suffering from on illness.
He said to them, might not be able to live even for three months. Anyone could have guessed that by looking at them. Because just only bones and skin remained in their body.
As far as possible,all the treatments were done in the village. The worshop and vows were completed with immediately. Even then, their's illness was getting worse.
We were three children of them. The elderly brother, me and my youngest sister. My brother 8 years old and he used to go school. We both sisterhood were too young to go to school.
Our parents were bedridden, and we were unable to housework, therefore we dependant on our relatives and neighbours for the essential ingredients needed at home.
In that time, all of our lives must have been full of hardship and sorrows.
After shaman's announcement, our parents anxiety must have increased. The worry of three children should be burning heart more than fear of death and the pain of illness.
Therefore the speed to pulling the rope of the soul that is about to die should be faster.
In that brutal cycle of time, it was our turn to suffer after the end of our parents.
We would have died soon by the hungry and thirsty. Not being able to experience a small glimpse of light, our lives would have ended in darkness.
But we were so lucky, because father was changed the situation. Our dark future, which was almost decided was turned into light and possibility.
There was some consciousness still alive in the body of the dying father. That awareness inspired to him, that try to live once before die. Then he with firm determination moved forward for a new beginning.
My father sold all our property. After that, my parents leaving us at grandparents house, land they went to Dharan Ghopa Hospital for treatment.
They were too weak, so people had carried them to keeping inside bamboo basket(dhakar) on back.
The treatment of them started at Dharan Ghopa Hospital. Both of them were suffering from Tuberculosis.
As the medicine began to take effect, their health gradually improved.
After some time, my brother also came down to Dharan to help to them.
We two sisters left in the grandparents house. While staying there, one night my little sister suddenly passed away. Her body was left in the black stone den .
Separation from my parents and brother, my little sister's death, leaving the house where I was born, and the yard where I played.
What a painful moment it must have been for me.
But the raw mind of childhood could not understand.
What happened was seen by the only eyes, but not by the mind. I watched and digested the terrible situation, because I didn't know what to do at such a time.
The clock of time was moving at its own speed. Even the two new years had changed their old clothes.
About me responsibilities made more mature than my real age. To herd goats and sheep with the grandpa had become my daily routine.
I was well versed in this work, and had a good friendship with goats and sheep.
Some of the songs were memorized too. When I sang, my grandpa used to laugh happily.
Transporting the water from the stream above the road, collecting the grass that my auntie's son cut from the tree and carrying in the shed, this was also my schedule work.
In this way, my days were passing in here, mixing happiness and sadness and life's rhythms.
One morning, I suddenly hear my mom's voice. She was calling me from the top of the barn with the sweet voice.
I went upstairs, and truly my mom and brother were there.
I was surprised to see both of them. Instead of saying anything, I started crying.
I cried continuously for a while, only ofter warm behaviour from them did I calm down.
There ofter, a week's stay at grandparents house, we returned to Dharan.
I was extremely happy to see my dad healthy and happy in Dharan.
My brother started going to Depot high school. I failed in there entrance exam, and then, I started going to another school.
Our family which had been torn apart, gathered again in Dharan, and new chapter of our life began.
Actually, life is the account of countless actions.
Some people live their lives settling accounts of their Karma, which has to be calculated throughout their lives, sometimes with a lot and sometimes with a little, and some end their lives in the middle, and close their accounts of Karma.
Similarly, my brother also made sure that he would never be able to settle his accounts, and on February 9th 2002, he ended his life.
My dad was upset for a long time by this unwise decision by his son.
It was hard for me too accept this bitter truth.
But this matter was not accepted by my mom, who once reached the last stage of her life and came back ofter conquering death.
The untimely death of her son made wound in the mom's heart. The true feeling of memory of her son was ravaged on February 23th, 2010, she was freed forever.
Exactly eight years later, at the age of 78, on February 18th, 2018, my dad also closed all the accounts of his life.
We were bound in the circle of Karma by being restored to a period, three of them completed their calculations.
Once again everyone disappeared from my life one by one. But this time, karma deprived me from seeing and meeting with them, but this time, my mature mind understood this truth very well.
Since then, I have been living adding and subtracting my share of everything.
Sometimes memories are reflective, and pain hurts the heart, then I cry and wash my heart.
Sometimes problems overcomes me, and makes me more difficult. Then I speed up my life math. Every time my calculations doesn't work properly, but something becomes easier, so my life takes a step forward.
As the sweet and bitter feelings had been flowing together, as like that our national occasion Dashain was coming to be near. As the result of karma created by the circle of events, this Dashain was becoming isolated for me as there was no one in the family.
Exchanged joys with family and relatives in Dashain happiness, the golden words of pleasant blessings taken from the elderly, their beautiful loving and caring heart, I remembered that all.
Ofter reminiscing the memories of love, harmony and fun, I decided to celebrate Dashain as well.
First of all, I congratulated to my belongings loved who went to live in the heavenly place ofter passing away from the world.
I sincerely requested to come to the spiritual feast on the special day of the Dashain.
Firstly, I gave priority to cleanliness, then I prepared a list of their favourite foods.
On the before that day, all the foods were bought and arranged.
The day of the Dashain, I woke up early.
Bathed and cooked and sat waiting for the auspicious moment.
Perhaps, we gathered on this day. I sat on the floor and prayed for my loved ones.
Finally on our feast began. I gave them theirs favourite foods in a small leaf plate.
Thus ended up my lonely Dashain with the spiritual feast.
