HANNAH ROACH THE BITCH

In the underbelly of Apartment 3B, where crusty ramen packets outnumber humans and the air smells like expired ranch salad dressing, she ruled.

Six legs. One attitude. Zero shame.

Hannah Roach didn't crawl, she walked the runaway

She didn't hide in the walls, she owned them.

Other bugs scurried. Hannah posed.

Tonight, the annual Clogged Sink Slump was happening—a legendary gathering of underground bugs: ant DJs, moth fashionistas, one drunk centipede who thought he was a motorbike driver. Everyone knew one thing:

If Hannah showed up, the pipes were about to get hot.

She stepped out from behind a warped baseboard, glimmering in used coconut oil and the faintest shimmer of crushed eyeshadow she stole from under the vanity. One of her wings fluttered from attitude alone.

Susan Beetle, wearing a sad, off-brand gum wrapper as a dress, gasped. "You're late, Hannah."

"I'm not late," Hannah said, voice like sugar glass. "I'm the reason anyone's still here."

Susan sputtered. "You think you're better than the rest of us?"

"No," Hannah said, inching closer until their antennae nearly touched. Her exoskeleton glinted dangerously. "I know I am."

A hush fell as Hannah took the stage—an overturned bottle cap nestled between a soap-scum sculpture and a nail file throne. The music throbbed—a blend of dripping faucet, muffled noise from the apartment above, and the faint smell of mold.

She moved.

She arched.

She body-rolled down a chopstick and did a three-point turn on a wine cork. Every movement screamed, I was born on a random sidewalk but I'll die on your tongue.

The crowd lost it. A high beetle puked from pure vertigo.

Then it happened.

A thud.

A light.

The humans were awake.

The male, shirtless and confused, wandered into the kitchen. His eyes narrowed. He reached for the sandal.

"Showtime," Hannah whispered, licking her antenna.

Instead of running, she launched herself directly at his face.

He screamed.

She landed on his forehead, did a pirouette, then lap danced on  him with her shimmering body before disappearing behind the cereal boxes.

Back in the shadows, Midge the Millipede hissed, "She's insane."

"No," said Susan, mascara dripping from condensation. "She's a menace."

But Hannah, smirking from her hideout behind a crusty Pop-Tart wrapper, lit a matchstick stolen from an emergency candle and blew the smoke through her mandibles like a movie star in a noir film.

Then she said it. Soft, deadly, unforgettable:

"I'm not a diva. I'm a roach."