Chapter 1
(Dated: May 5, 11:47 PM)
Amina,
You smiled at me 14 times this week.
I counted.
Not because I meant to—just because I can’t help noticing anymore.
You smile differently when you’re really happy. Three little crease lines near your eyes. Not two. Not four. Three. Like the joy is too big for your face to hold and it leaks out anyway.
When you’re overthinking, you don’t fidget. You just breathe—deep, loud, like your body’s trying to get ahead of your brain. I’ve learned to hear it. That shift in the air. That quiet storm about to start. And still, somehow, you laugh a minute later like nothing ever touches you.
You once told me I make you feel positive. That when we talk, it feels like you’re gaining pure knowledge—your exact words.
But the truth is, you’re the one who makes me feel that way. You make things clearer. Better. Like maybe life isn’t just tasks and timelines, but something lighter. Something worth holding onto.
Today, when we talked about marriage and types—
When you teased me for saying I’d just know—
I knew.
It’s you. It’s been you for a while now. I just didn’t let myself feel it until it was too late.
Because you’re leaving.
And I helped you pack the idea.
July 10. That’s the date. You handed it to me with a grin, like you’d won something. And maybe you have. But for me… it feels like the beginning of the end.
Still, I won’t say anything. I won’t make this harder than it needs to be. You deserve this next chapter. You deserve joy that belongs only to you.
But if you ever think back—just once—I hope you remember:
You were my 20th meeting.
And my first real goodbye.
– R
