The Rosy-eyed Black Cat

You ever shout something secret out loud at the top of your lungs?

While it is therapeutic, it can be revealing. A bit too revealing, especially if it's misinterpreted. When all your heavy emotions are compressed, no doubt it weighs you down... this is why we do these things. Why we shout secrets out in the dark.

But there was just a slight the error in my way of doing it. I; publicly, confessed to being something that I'm not - in thinking that it was a beautifully articulate concept. Because I didn't know the word for what actually I am - not that such a word exists, anyways. It was a simple malapropism.

I know you're probably thinking, 'yeah right, buddy... try explaining that at your local police station. Keep it moving.'

Well, I've been looking for a platform to discuss the idea and where better than in the quiet and private mind of a reader?

That'll be optimal...

But where to find a reader? I digress.

Let's just put word to page, paint an articulate picture and hopefully out of the void of nothingness and chaos, which is the steel trap of my mind - something beautiful can blossom. Despite however twisted it may be.

Well,

That's enough ranting. Let's get to the crux of the issue. My name is Tobey, and I proclaimed that I am a necrophiliac in front of a bunch of strangers on somebody's Instagram comment section.

This is the part where I bet the reader would think, "huh... that's not that bad. Just delete that user handle and move on," or "Instagram is where all the Nazis are anyways, so what's the problem, " perhaps maybe even, "you can always delete the comment and reword what you meant, " right?

Well, not quite.

The comment section was also connected to Facebook.

Facebook is where all my friends and family are. Yes, Tobias is actually an alias... but it's one that my person is known for. It's my character. More people know me as Tobey than they do my Christian name.

There are a couple of reasons for this:

First and foremost; my gramz gave me my Christian name. So, it's sacred to me and revealing it comes with the territory of knowing the real me.

The real me is only for a select few.

And therefore, Tobey is my avatar. My mask of a strong and brave lion to behind the little lamb it protects behind. He is how I interact with reality... because reality is too cruel for a softie such as I.

Secondly, I'm not even Christian. I was born into a Christian family, but I'm not convinced of the whole grand scheme of the universe idea. God's plan sounds way too reassuring to fit with this unyielding mess I see before my eyes.

And even if I did believe in God, (which I'm not entirely convinced I do - but have a slight inclination toward, I'm just not entirely convinced of the Christian's description of 'Him.')

If nothing else, I would think that God is an enemy. For reasons which we shall start to, (but not limit to,) uncover and explore in this specific short novel.

And lastly, I believe to get things done in this world... if you wish to rise in it, one must wear a poker face and never let one's true nature or goals be known. Mystery is key in the matter of fighting against an all-knowing enemy.

Well, I guess that outs the ending of the novel; now, doesn't it?

I guess in any good anime, they always start by facing some or other fascist government or regime, and not long after that the true antagonist - somehow, is always the divine creator who allowed this to facade to reign.

It shall be no different in this case. I, Tobias, declare myself the protagonist in the story of how I stake my claim of one day defeating God.

But let's save that part for a fictitious spin-off, shall we? And try to focus on what's here in front of us.

This ain't a love story; tis a story of heartbreak, acceptance and character development. I'm not sorry to say that I don't think anyone is gonna like where the development takes us. Fore, it is dark and twisted... but it needs to be said.

If not said... I'll never beat the allegations that I 'fucc' dead bodies.

There's an important note above, btw.

That I said dead bodies and not dead people, but I digress once more. All shall be revealed in time.

I'll never let these ideas hinge on the good name of Tobias_Tomioka.

I won't stand for it. I'm very perturbed that there's even a concept of someone indulging in intercourse with a corpse. But I suppose that's what Dahmer said about cannibalism, too... isn't it?

I'm actually asking, cause I don't know.

I heard that dude got really famous for his Netflix documentary or something... never actually saw it.

People were so obsessed with it, but I don't believe we should make those real depictions of mentally ill people famous. These ideas should only exist in fiction.

Because they give people who are actually struggling with mental health a bad rep. And I think, (this is just my opinion, btw,) that it fuels the fire which is clinically pathological criminality.

Think about it for a sec.

What if the next Dahmer, skips his meds because he doesn't want to be associated with the stigma of being diagnosed with an unfavorable mental illness? But that's just my two cents.

I'll try to not break the character of the narrator or the fourth wall henceforth. Now, we enter storytelling mode, if you dare to follow me through the dark.

Kindly note: I will be telling the story solely in a first-person perspective throughout the novel. And only narrate from behind these '[-]' big brackets.