Best Life She Could

She mattered, despite days of self-doubt. At the end of her working day, she declined the opportunity to go out with her colleagues so she could go home and crawl into bed. She'd pull the cover over her head and remain there for the rest of the night. She'd forget to eat and forget to do much else that required human participation to be vital to success.

What was it her last closest friend had said? "Come on Judith, pull yourself together. Nothing is that bad. And if you think it is then you need to seek out a counsellor."

Her very first sign that she had something wrong and uncharacteristic of a person her age and at her stage of life. The problems overlapped with other areas of her life.

Her friends abandoned her.

"Judith, why can't you ever meet us on time?"

"I showed up but you weren't there."

"Like hell you did. We were there all night."

"You couldn't have been. I waited at the bar for an hour."

But Judith knew deep down inside she had gone nowhere. She got all ready to go out and decided it wasn't for her at the last hour and didn't go. She didn't bother calling and she rationalized they were having a great time without her.

These exchanges went on for weeks before the friends stopped inviting her out. After multiple run-ins and unfriendly incidents of back-and-forth, banter turned into hostility. Her downward spiral went further than that when she got into fights at work that caused her a promotion and friends at work.

"You told me that report would be ready this morning. Where is it?

"I did no such thing."

"Judith you did. It's not appropriate to answer your superiors this way and to deny what you promised."

"Yes, sir. I understand."

"I'm sorry. You are no longer being considered for the promotion. I need someone in that position whom I can rely on."

She heard this scenario a lot and wondered why she never advanced since she had a high IQ and her approach to situations and problems at work was ingenius and yielded excellent results.

The employer recognized her expertize but couldn't find a place where she could function in a bubble. Alone and report to someone after she had completed her work on her terms. She went back to work at the job she was hired to do and never advanced past that position.

She remained unfulfilled and it caused her sincere and severe heartache and mind ache.

It wasn't until she met a psychologist after she got into an accident that she found solace. The psychologist told her that a brain injury is not anything to be ashamed of and that adapting to one after being the best and brightest is truamatic. It's like losing yourself, almost like a death, so it's okay to mourn.

Once she realized she had to grieve her old self and accept her new self as 'the way it is,' now for her. She struggled to understand why her life had gotten so out of control and why she felt so lost in it.

Her children saw the collapse of an energetic, beautiful mother who loved them and made every attempt to make their lives as happy as possible into an angry and bed ridden depressed mother.

But her husband would not give up. He was ther for her and helped her through the mire and muck. He dragged her out of bed and helped her do physical activity again and she overcame the depression slowly through exercise.

She got back to a person she liked and became better at almost everything. Her fatigue held her back and the constant ringing in her ears caused severe headaches. But when the depression lifted and she became aware of what she did with her life. She turned her life around.

She struggled to do it but not anymore than she struggled with figuring out she she had become.

"I love who I am now."

"I'm so glad."

"I'll never give up if you're in my corner."

"I love you and I'm so glad I could help."

"Me, too."

The family took off on vacation and although she couldn't keep up like she used to do. She told the kids in advance and they built in breaks for their trip. Everything worked out better and the kids enjoyed their vactation with their mother.

She wrote a journal entry about the power of love. She realized that unconditional love and support were the secret ingredients to surviving trauma and dealing with mental health. She understood that being surrounded by the right people in life could help her make the correct decisions to repairing those strained relationships from her past.

She set out to make amends with all those she trespassed and forgave those who trespassed against her. And lived the best life she could. Vowing never to lie around and feel sorry for herself again. Her mental health issues dissipated and she did what she vowed.

Lived the best life she could for herself and her family.