Keldric's Chaotic Isekai Tale: Bad Stats & An Absurd Gang Of Skeletons

The first tremor was subtle enough to be blamed on the ancient plumbing. The second, a more insistent shimmy, could have been the garbage truck doing its midnight rounds.

But when Keldric’s apartment block decided to impersonate a maraca, he knew his Tuesday night was about to get interesting.

The half-eaten pot of instant noodles on his manga stack wobbled, a pathetic counterpoint to the escalating architectural seizure. His posters. Princess Luna in her strategically missing armour and Flame-Empress Yuki-chan defying physics in legendary bikini-mail. Vibrated against the wall. This was it. The hope that burned in his chest was so bright it was almost painful.

This is IT! he thought, a grin spreading across his face. Truck-kun finally got the memo! Or maybe Building-Collapse-sama is handling my case personally!

As reality began to throw the ultimate tantrum, his mind raced, booting up the character sheet he’d spent years designing for this exact moment.

Name: Keldric. But, you know, cooler. Keldric von Shadowmere.

Class: Omnimage Sword Saint Death God. Why pick one overpowered class when you can have them all?

Stats: Maxed. Especially CHARISMA. For the ladies. Obviously.

Special Abilities: [Infinite Mana], [Harem King Magnetism], [Dragon Transformation (Because Dragons Are Cool)].

The plan was foolproof. Arrive. Overpower. Collect waifus. Save the world. It was Main Character Energy, distilled to its purest form.

The violent juddering claimed its first casualty. Princess Luna’s poster peeled away with a mournful riiiip. His phone launched itself on an unscheduled aerial tour, vanishing under a cascade of light novels with a defeated thunk.

Then the colours began to bleed. His room became a fever dream painted by an unhinged toddler as shapes melted and stretched. Physics, he noted with delight, was now more of a suggestion. His beanbag chair seemed to fuse with the rug, and a row of energy drink cans ghosted through his desk.

Noclip mode: ACTIVATED, he thought gleefully. Reality.exe has stopped working. BRILLIANT!

His computer’s death scream, a digital shriek of every frozen game and lost save file rolled into one, pierced the chaos.

And then… dead quiet.

The sudden silence was absolute. His heart hammered against his ribs. Not with fear, but with pure, electric excitement. This was the dramatic pause before the transport. The grand departure. His adventure was–

The air thickened, pressing down with an immense, crushing weight. Breathing became work, a desperate, manual effort. This wasn’t in the stories. There were supposed to be gentle lights, maybe some sparkles, not this feeling of being compacted at the bottom of an ocean.

Is this a trial? he wondered, his eyes wide. A test of my resolve? Premium transport requires a worthy soul?

He tried to speak, but his mouth only opened and closed in silent, bewildered confusion. The ground beneath him vanished. Floor, beanbag, the very concept of solid ground—it just wasn’t there anymore.

One moment he was suffocating. The next, he was in free fall through an endless black void.

Down.

Down.

Down.

THUMP.

The impact was brutal, as if reality had decided to catch him with a brick wall. Cool air flooded his lungs. Rough, damp earth scraped his skin. The crushing weight was gone, but so was everything else.

“Ughhhhhh…”

Keldric pushed himself up, spitting out a mouthful of dirt. He was alive. That was great. But honestly?

“For an isekai transport, that was fucking terrible!” he grumbled to the looming shadows of what looked like trees. “Zero stars! Where was the mystical portal? The dramatic floating sequence? Instead I get the face-plant-into-dirt special.”

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