(27) I got damn sick-savior of lower Manhattan

Let me get this straight and over with. What I'm telling you is what happened, o.k.? I got on the bus and sat near the back beside someone. The bus is full already. Some people are left standing and the bus takes off.

In front of me sits a woman, all I can see is her great big ball of hair. It reminds me a dirty carpet full of lice, larva and bed bug droppings. I turn my head, and I dunno man, how to explain it, I'm not a doctor.

I just thought, looking at all these people, they are all junk, trash and shit. Man, I mean, everything about them, raw sewage...

I got so disgusted and dizzy I moved forward drooling prevomit saliva and barfed as loud as my stomach churns obliged me, right in front, I mean, I barely realized I had just puked right in the dirty ball of hair in front of me.

I remember, just before I began my loud pre-vomiting chokes and coughs, I remember thinking I felt very dizzy like I said and felt heavy on the head. It was probably because of all the carpet animals spreading germs.

But next, I guess, even though this never happened to me before, nothing of the kind, not even close, this is what was happening to me now and I felt the heaving, pumping contraction again in my stomach.

I guess all my loud retching and gagging was due to the involuntary effort to vomit so much and so hard.

anyways man, I hear screaming and scrambling all around. I'm just moaning out of control with long dangling strands of vomitous saliva

- "ahhhhhh, ahhhhhh, ahhhhhh, ahhhhhh...."

I never suspected alnost being a zombie was so bad Slowly grabbing the seat in front of me, I barf just as loudly and violently all over the vacated seat.

The bus is moving, but it feels like a lot of people got up and scrambled away from me. I'm starting to get massive cramps, I'm faint, I feel drenched in stinky vomit, and I just wanna fall to my side. It's funny how it felt, usually the floor the last place I'd like to lie down on, but now, I feel so far from everything.

I hear from far away crying and voices in alarm. Altogether, dizzy, they sounded to me like hens and donkeys, all kinds of stupid farm animals. This time I'm lying on my side, cramped, I barf aloud again and feel a strong gush of warm diarrhea down my legs, and again, my ass is spurting super noisily.

By now, at the same time, I'm just dry heaving and contracting hard to shit, but there's nothing left anymore to come out, either end.

Somehow, I don't feel better. I'm half rocking myself in loud and convulsive agony. I felt banged in the seat and a bit of fresh air. I think people are getting off, I think help will come, but I get this kick, so unexpected,

--"You filthy dog! Get out, get out now!"

It was probably the driver, and I couldn't see anything, or say anything. Maybe it was because I was only dry heaving loudly and had gushed out all my diarrhea that people might have thought I was only pretending or something, despite the smell and the mess they saw.

An angry hand suddenly pulled upright full force on me by the hair, then, all squishy warm, with vomit saliva hanging from my bottom lip, people throwing things at me and yelling, I was pulled straight out of the bus through the side doors and was crashed face first in metal garbage cans on the sidewalk.

It hurt, I felt warm drops on my forehead and it stank dog shit, hamburgers. I farted loudly, still lying on my side and barfed loudly again, barely spitting out a bitter trickle of bile. I'm not even finished being sick, and I suddenly feel a terrible agony, my ankle, someone's hurting it, for all I can tell, stooped low against my leg, someone is twisting my ankle right the other way and ran.

In pain, agony surprise and embarrassment, I hear spitting, on me presumably, even though I can't feel it.

A loud authoritative voice commands me to get lost, or I'll be taken in. I still can't see anything, but in survival I guess, I show signs of executing, I push myself away from the stinky trash and again the same voice, a police officer, I'm sure, I hear voices through a CB further somewhere.- --

"Faster! Get lost you jerk!"

He's prodding me with something hard on the side of the head. I've got insurance, and you know man, a job! I just continue to drag myself, half-seeing, instinctively, to an alley, and hide deeper and deeper. I must have surprised some rats or something, I yelled and pushed my hand on the sharp glass at the time.

I remember hoping not to catch aids, hearing rats run away, squealing. Another busy street lies ahead, but I wanted to rest a while. No one pays any attention to anyone lying in an alley. I must have fainted a bit, 'cause when I lifted my head from the asphalt, it was darker and cooler, much cooler.

My legs and lower body were stripped naked against the asphalt! Someone had stolen my, shoes, pants, socks and underwear and left me like this! I dragged myself 35 km.

Back home. On the way, I could seriously despised and attacked. My knees and palms were scraped to the bone. I thought of Jesus, and I think my suffering was worse, more embarrassin'. If Jesus was naked, at least he didn't shit in his trousers, crawl home in vomit and lose his genitals!

You know, I thought hard situations like that changed someone, made them stronger.

-"Did it change you?" "

-I'm worse off than I was. I know anybody can go through what Jesus did or worse and survive or die. I learned that enduring until the end "will save your life if it has to. Nothing more. I'm worse off and most of all, I guess, It blows all the illusions away I might have had, of my place in life. I'm a piece of trash it seems.

No one needs to hear or know about me, and if I'm on a bus, if I wait till I'm home to barf and shit, well, I'm fine. I had friends. My wheelchair is the only thing that helps me in life. Life sucks, people suck. I don't take the bus anymore. I just stay home.