Chapter 1/10
Main characters:
Wordcount: ~3150
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From the moment Siri was old enough to understand what soulmates meant, she always believed her relationship with her soulmate would be romantic. That was the whole point, wasn’t it? Two hearts beating in sync with another; a connection that ran deeper than DNA. Someone meant for you and only you.
Her soulmate mark appeared one morning when she was 16. It was a purple heart that showed up on her right hand, and Siri felt it; the rightness of it. She was so excited that morning, eager to find out who her soulmate was, and eager to start forever with them.
What she didn’t know was that her soulmate woke up feeling the complete opposite.
Out of their friend group which involved Siri, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook, Jungkook had always been the one to roll his eyes at the idea of destiny and soulmates.
“I just don’t want my whole life decided by a mark, ya know? What if my soulmate’s someone I hate?”
“It’s stupid to think fate knows better than we do.”
“It’s not romantic, it’s lazy. Like, here, have a mark, now stop thinking for yourself.”
“To me, soulmates feel like a trap. Everyone’s acting like it’s a gift, but it’s just a leash.”
“Why should some cosmic branding decide who I fall for? What if I want someone different?”
Jungkook would even say those things in front of Jimin and Taehyung—actual soulmates who have known they were destined for each other since preschool. Most people didn’t get their soulmate marks until sometime in their teens, but these two were the rare exception. Their matching small dumpling-like marks appeared on their right pinky finger when they were just four years old.
They were lucky as they had grown up knowing, with no confusion, that they were meant for each other. So when Jungkook went off about how soulmates were a trap, Jimin and Taehyung would just roll their eyes and laugh it off. They had each other and they didn’t need convincing.
However, Siri would argue with Jungkook about it. “We don’t know how it feels yet, Kookie. Maybe it’s not that bad," or ”What if it’s actually kind of beautiful?" She tried to plant seeds of hope because deep down, she wanted it to be him.
Siri had a big crush on her best friend, but the more Jungkook spoke dismissively and sometimes bitterly about how much he didn’t want a soulmate, the harder it became for her to hold onto that hope.
She stopped trying to change his mind and instead learned to sit with it. She let Jungkook vent, let him call it a trap, a joke, or a mistake. She did that because she was his best friend first and foremost. And if all she could be was a quiet, safe place where he felt heard, then she would be that, no matter how much it chipped away at her.
Letting go of the fantasy felt safer than being crushed by it.
And Jungkook... Well, he wanted freedom and to be able to control his own life. He wanted the chance to fall for someone because he chose to, not because some invisible force said he had to.
So, when he woke up with a small purple heart on his right hand that wouldn’t come off no matter how hard he tried to rub or wash it off, his first reaction wasn’t excitement or awe. It was dread.
That morning, Jungkook wanted to complain to his three best friends about receiving his soulmate mark. They met like they always did outside the main school building near the water fountain.
He saw Siri was grinning and bouncing on her feet elatedly while talking to their two best friends, and it made Jungkook smile without meaning to.
Seeing her happy always did that to him. Siri made his chest feel a little lighter in a way that whatever crap day he was having didn’t matter as much if she was around. He gravitated towards her without even trying. Siri was his safe place, and whenever Jungkook felt overwhelmed, she was the one he would search for first before he went to Jimin or Taehyung.
Sometimes, he didn’t even have to look for her. Siri just knew. She would show up without saying anything, handing him banana milk or his favourite chocolate Pepero sticks, and somehow, that was enough to make Jungkook feel at peace and at home.
He always felt the closest to her. Always had. So why the hell had it never occurred to him that she might be the one?
“Dude,” Jungkook groaned as he trudged up to his three best friends, cutting into their conversation. “You’re not gonna believe what happened this morning.”
Siri, Jimin and Taehyung turned toward him with smiles on their faces, although Siri’s eyes were extra bright with her exciting news. “Kookie! Guess wha—”
“I got my stupid soulmate mark!” he cut her off with a grumble, shoving his right hand forward so they all could see his mark, completely unaware of his bad timing. “Right here—look! A damn purple heart!”
Jimin’s eyes widened as his breath hitched, and he quickly snapped his lips shut. Taehyung’s eyes also went wide before he glanced at Siri, then he bit his lower lip, already feeling the sting of secondhand heartbreak.
And Siri... she just stood there, staring at Jungkook’s hand with her mind and heart racing. She looked at his purple heart carefully, making sure it’s the same size, colour, and placement, just in case it could be slightly different to hers.
But it wasn’t different. It was exactly the same.
“Isn’t it so damn cheesy?” Jungkook continued, grimacing at his soulmate mark. “A purple heart of all things? Ugh, and it’s in such an obvious spot. Why meee!” he whined.
Siri’s heart dropped, sinking so low to the bottom of her stomach where she felt like she could be sick. She thought their mark was pretty and precious. She was just gushing to Jimin and Taehyung literally moments ago about how she thought it was perfect for her because purple is her favourite colour.
And it was Jungkook’s favourite colour too...
She drops her gaze to the ground, then slowly brings her own right hand into her jersey’s sleeve to hide it. The excitement she had all morning was completely gone in an instant.
For years Siri always wanted Jungkook as her soulmate, but after she accepted how he felt about it all, she had eventually come to hope that she would get someone else. Someone who really wanted it, just like she did. Plus, after hearing him speak of it as if it was something gross stuck to his skin, it made everything inside her shrink.
Nothing but silence filled the air between the friends, making Jungkook furrow his brows with confusion.
“What? Why is everyone acting weird?”
He looks at Siri first because he always does; it’s almost instinctual, but that’s when he really sees her. The way her posture slumps, the way she wouldn’t meet his eyes, and the way her eyes were brimming with tears.
Oh no...
Then his doe eyes went to her sleeve where he could see she was trying to hide her hand.
His stomach churns.
No, no, no...
He then glances at Jimin and Taehyung whose pitiful expressions said it all. Sorry, man. She’s yours.
Jungkook gulped. It was in that moment that he realised he had majorly fucked up. Every casual joke he had ever made about fate, every time he said he didn’t want this, it all came crashing down because his soulmate wasn’t just some stranger.
It was Siri. His best friend.
And he just shattered her world and her heart without even realising it.
Jungkook wanted to say something—anything—but his throat closed up. He had no idea what to say or do, and he wasn’t sure if he’s already lost Siri because he knows that she knows how he feels about soulmates.
Suddenly, the bell rang, snapping them out of the heavy silence.
Before Jungkook could even say her name, Siri whips around and walks away quickly, her head down and her sleeves pulled over her hands.
Jungkook catches a flash of her face and sees a tear slip down her cheek, making panic rise in his chest. He goes after her, wanting to fix it. Wanting to say something that would make the damage disappear.
“Siri! Wait!”
But she doesn’t stop. She just keeps walking to her first class knowing Jungkook’s first class was different from hers, so she would be safe from him—for now.
All morning, Siri was trying to keep herself together. Every time she looked at her hand, she had to fight the urge to cry again. The purple heart that felt like a miracle just hours ago now felt like a cruel joke burned into her skin.
She couldn’t stop hearing Jungkook’s voice in her head saying, “A purple heart of all things?” Like their mark was something shameful and embarrassing.
But she wanted it.
And she wanted him—well... She used to...
Now, all she could think about was, is he going to reject me?
When Siri was old enough to read, she went down the soulmate rabbit hole, reading everything she could about it. She found that soulmates brought a sense of balance; life will run smoother when they’re together. Daily contact keeps emotions stable, moods lighter, and thoughts clearer, and they can feel more whole as a person compared to when they’re with other people. Contact everyday isn’t necessary, but if one wanted to feel complete and content, they’d only need to be around their soulmate.
Each soulmate pair shares their own unique bond; some can sense each other’s moods, read each other’s thoughts (like Jimin and Taehyung can), or communicate through dreams. Others experience flashes of what their soulmate is seeing in real time, feel and/or receive their physical pain, and instinctively know when the other is in danger.
Siri found out that there are rare cases where people don’t have a soulmate, and evenrarercases where a person could havemorethan one. She read that if a soulmate dies, their soulmate’s mark turns black. If they’re rejected, the mark turns grey for all parties.
When it comes to rejecting a soulmate, that can be reversible. However, if one chooses to sever their soulmate bond, there is a painful process, like a tattoo removal, that can finalise the disconnection. After that, there’s no going back. No chance to restore the bond; it’s gone for good. What’s left behind is only a faint scar where something that was meant to last forever used to be.
In the cases of when a soulmate dies, some people become colour blind, some can’t feel joy the same way again, some have less energy and weakened immune systems, and some live life in a depressive state, like part of them is missing and will never come back.
Best case scenario, they might not get any side effects—but it’s rare. Usually at least one side effect occurs. But in the worst case scenario, all of the above can occur at once, and sadly, that can lead to some people wanting death.
The thought of being rejected and losing herself scared Siri. All day she avoided Jungkook. She slipped out of classes before he could catch her, changed seats in classes when they would usually sit next to each other, she would turn corners the second she saw him coming, and all day she kept her hand hidden within her sleeve, afraid of seeing it turn grey.
Jungkook couldn’t focus on anything all damn day due to Siri’s avoidance. He knew why she was avoiding him, but that didn’t stop his anxiety. His leg bounced under his desk nonstop in each of his classes and he almost chewed off the end of his pen when it came to lunch time.
He didn’t know what to do with himself. He didn’t know how to fix things and it scared the hell out of him. His mind had been stuck on Siri ever since the morning. Stuck on her face. Her eyes. That moment when she turned away from him like he had just ripped her heart out—which he basically did.
If she thought he was going to reject her… God, Jungkook couldn’t even finish that thought. He didn’t want to picture a grey mark on Siri’s skin and he didn’t want his best friend to feel incomplete.
He had to talk to her so she knew she had nothing to be afraid of.
By the time the final bell rang, Jungkook didn’t waste a second. He slipped out of his last class as quickly as he could and scanned the courtyard until he spotted her slipping past the gates.
“Siri!” he shouted, running up behind her.
But she didn’t stop. If anything, she sped up.
“Siri, wait!”
She freezes in her steps with her shoulders tense and back still to him.
“Please,” Jungkook says softly. “I just need to talk to you.”
She turns around slowly, her eyes red-rimmed and tired looking. “What’s there to talk about? You don’t want this. You never wanted this so obviously you’re gonna reject me.”
Jungkook’s heart aches seeing Siri so sad and defeated. It looked like she lost a war.
He shakes his head to disagree with her. “I’m not going to reject you.”
A little glint of hope alights in Siri’s eyes. “You’re... not?...”
Jungkook stepped closer to her, doe eyes looking so soft and sincere as he took her hands in his. “Of course not. I wouldn’t do that to you. You’re my best friend and I know you’ve always wanted this. I know you want it to be romantic, and while I do really like you and even love you in some way... I just... I don’t know if it’s me feeling that or if it’s fate making me feel this way.”
That little bit of hope dimmed and Siri’s chin quivered. “You think everything between us isn’t real?”
“No—yes!—shit, I don’t know!” he said, with his voice rising in confusion. “That’s the thing, I just don’t know...”
Siri pulled her hands away, “I’ve loved you since we were twelve, Kook.”
His doe eyes go wide, stunned to hear that.
Siri blinked back tears, trying to push the words out. “It started that day at the park where an off-leash dog chased me, and you stood between me and it without even thinking. You were terrified too, I saw it, but you didn’t run. You protected me. I remember looking at you and thinking, God, I want to love him forever."
She gazed up at her best friend with hot tears brimming her eyelids. “That was four years ago. Before any soulmate mark showed up. My feelings weren’t decided by fate, they were mine. Mine, Kook. Doesn’t that count for something?”
Jungkook gulped, “I-I guess but... I just want to know what’s real—”
“I AM REAL!” Siri shouted in frustration, making her tears fall. “This—us—it’s already real, and you’re the only one who doesn’t want to see it! Tell me, have you ever felt something for me too? Even before today?”
Jungkook hesitated with his heart pounding hard against his chest. “Y-yeah, I have. I always have. You’ve always felt like... home. More than anyone else.”
“Then why question it?” Siri’s voice cracked as tears continued to fall down her face. “If our feelings existed before the mark, doesn’t that prove they’re real?”
Jungkook hangs his head low, feeling guilt course through him. “I want to believe that... But what if those feelings were already the bond starting? What if I didn’t even get the chance to know who I’d be without it?”
“Seriously? Why can’t you even try to be with me? Why can’t you give us a chance first?”
“It’s just...” he sighed, hating how confused he felt about everything. “I feel like it’ll cloud my judgment. I need to figure out if it’s my own choice or if it’s what’s been decided for me. I want to know if I like you because I chose to, not because of a mark. I’m not ready to just dive into this without knowing. I need time. I need to know if there’s anything else out there before I give you everything.”
“So what, you’re going to stay away from me now so you can see if you can live fine without me?” Siri asked bitterly through her tears. “You want to try dating other girls first and then maybe come back to me? What if they find their soulmates too, Kook? They’d leave you behind and then you would’ve wasted all that time dating when you could’ve been with me!”
Jungkook swallowed thickly, looking like he might break down any moment. ”Please, Siri... I don’t want to lose you. Just—can we be platonic soulmates? For now? Just until I figure things out?”
She stared at him with anger, disbelief, confusion. How did she end up with a soulmate like him? How could her best friend do this to her?
Her chest ached, because even though she knew Jungkook meant it kindly, what he was asking for still felt like a knife to her heart.
“If you love me at all,” he said quietly with his eyes pleading, “whether it be as a friend, soulmate or something more, you’ll do this for me. Please...”
Ohh, you’re such a damn bastard, Siri thought to herself. Because she does love him. She loves him so much it physically hurts—and Jungkook could feel that pain.
Siri has never hated him more than right now for asking her to wait. For needing to ′figure it out′ when she already knew her feelings.
But against everything she wanted, and because she does love him... Siri nodded once.
“Fine,” she whispered as her face dropped in defeat, along with more tears. “We’re platonic...”
Jungkook let out a shaky breath as he went to hug her and rested his forehead against hers. “Oh my god, thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
Before that feeling of contentment and wholeness could make its way into Siri’s heart—because she didn’t want to feel something so great if it wasn’t going to last—she stepped away from Jungkook. From her soulmate. From the boy she’s loved ever since she was twelve.
As she walked away without looking back, Siri clutched her hand tight over her purple heart, praying it wouldn’t ever fade. Praying that she’ll get that bond and love she’s always wanted some day soon.
Jungkook watched her leave as he felt hot tears slide down his cheeks. He knew it wasn’t his own heart that was feeling like it was breaking.
It was hers.
And he prayed to the universe that he didn’t just make a huge mistake.
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