Daphnes Quest

“Daphne, how many more times do I have to ask you to get up?” I shouted up the stairs for the umpteenth time.

Urgh! Kids! When do they ever listen?

Daphne. I hated that name. We had named her after my husbands late mother. He had wanted to keep the tradition going of naming after previous generations and plus it was a way of still being close to his mother.

I get that, I really do. But I don’t do traditions. I’m not against them as such, it’s just that I don’t do them like that.

Even though his mother was a lovely woman I still couldn’t get used to that name. I’ve tried so hard to but no I still really don’t like it.

“My god child! It’s not like you haven’t got legs or can’t use them! Get up out of bed and downstairs in the next 10 minutes and fully dressed or I’m leaving without you!”

I wouldn’t but I’m not telling her that. It’s the only way I know she will go to school. Whether she stays there or not is a different matter.

I’ve even resorted to putting a tracker on her phone. She somehow found it and leaves her phone with her friend at school whilst she skives off, then collects it off her later.

I know this because I rang it at different points during the day and either her friend answers or they ignore it.

Obviously I only phone out of lesson times. I’m not that bad of a parent.

I just don’t get the kid. What is so bad in her life that she acts like this?

Yes I know. I’ve heard it a million times before: it’s hormones *eye roll* but it’s not just that. There’s something else and I know it’s not bullying, this is different.

“Yes alright I’m coming! God there's no need to be so dramatic!!”

Honestly you’d think this child has no space to breathe. Teenagers! Who would have them? Me, as it seems.

I’m just getting my things ready in the kitchen for when I leave for work - which I can go to straight after dropping her off at school, when I hear the front door slam.

Honestly when will this child ever grow up??? I sigh, turning back around and carry on with whatever I was doing.

Why leave her to go on her own you may ask….well it won’t make any difference. I know her route anyway and will drive past her enroute.

She will continue walking and completely ignore me as she always does, but at least I know she’s ok. It’s not like it’s a long walk to school. She always meets her friend further up the road and they walk in together.

A while later I got a call. Excusing myself from the meeting I see it’s school. Oh great! Now what? I wonder sarcastically.

“Is Daphne ok, only she hasn’t come in this morning”.

“Yes. She left and met her friend as normal. I saw them heading in the direction of school”

I look up her tracker. It’s not on. That’s not normal.

Trying to stay calm I add “I’ll try ringing her phone”.

“If you can and please let me know if she’s attending today.”

After assuring the head that I will, I head back towards the meeting. Composing myself the best I can I walk in “I’m sorry but there’s been an emergency come up, I’m going to have to leave.”

With hands shaking I try calling my husband but he doesn’t answer. I race home in case she’s there, but knowing all along she won’t be. At least I have to see for myself or it will constantly play on my mind.

As it was, I was right and the house was empty. Well that’s good I suppose. It means she’s off playing hooky yet again, only this time she’s mad so god knows where she will be. She won’t make it easy for me to find her when she’s like this.

A number comes up on my screen, playing a ringtone I don’t recognise signalling it’s unknown.

I have set ringtones for certain people. A bit extreme maybe but it makes a difference between needing to answer within the next few seconds or ringing back at some point when I can be bothered, giving a half hearted apology for being too busy to answer.

Anyway getting back to the call.

Eyeing it cautiously I slowly answered “hello…..” what followed was one of the worst moments of my life.

Grabbing my keys and purse I ran out of the kitchen and out of the house, locking the door and running to the car. I called my husband using hands free to tell him where I was going and to meet me there asap.

The hospital loomed before me. I don’t remember getting there or parking, all I know is I must have looked like a wide eyed, pale, freaked out mess trying to frantically relay the message I’d only partially heard.

Something about an accident, needing surgery and being lucky to be alive.

The corridors. A maze of plain, white walls that all looked the same and seemed to stretch on forever…..never getting to the end.

Eventually I found her. Daphne was laying in the bed looking……normal. That was odd from the phone call I’d got. Then I looked down and noticed a large shape under the blanket where her legs would be.

Slowly I went to lift the blanket but before I could the surgeon who was waiting to speak to me spoke up making me jump “I wouldn’t do that just yet. She has been hit on her right side. The truck had shattered her bones from her hip down to her ankle, tearing all the muscles and ligaments. We have had to glue all the pieces of bone back together and she’s had plates screwed in.”

Her leg was in an open, long brace which wrapped around her waist and funnelled down her right leg which was heavily wrapped in bandages.

He was stood at the side of her bed holding a clipboard. I hadn’t even noticed him.

“What does that mean?”

“She’s still sedated and will be for a couple of hours yet as she only came out of surgery not long ago”.

I just stare blankly at him so he continues.

“She’s lucky. The bones have shattered but luckily missed piercing her organs. The bottom of her spine was also crushed, completely trapping the nerve. However, we won’t know the full extent of the injury for some time.

We won’t know if she will be able to feel anything, we definitely won’t expect her to feel her toes let alone move them yet. It’s far too early to tell any damage thats been done”.

“I know it’s a lot to take in right now. It’s up to you if you want to wait around, get a coffee or something until she’s awake or you can come back later. We will call you once she’s come round”.

“What??? No, I'm staying . Where did this happen and where is her friend?”

Oh no, please don’t tell me something happened to her as well.

“She was found on her own, her phone was smashed by the hit. It happened downtown whilst she was crossing the road”.

Wait, what? Why on Earth was she downtown? Also why wasn't my husband answering his phone and where the hell is he?

I don’t know what to do or what to say. I just stand there frozen, completely numb. It’s like my brain is so overwhelmed it doesn’t know how to compute anymore.

Time stopped. It was like I was just frozen in time. It could have been hours or just a matter of minutes I’d been standing there mute and unresponsive.

Luckily the Dr took it all in his stride, obviously used to this kind of response as this was his area of work after all. I couldn’t do that. You know, give people bad or uncertain news whilst staying calm and collected. Watching them fall apart or withdraw into themselves, a shell of who they were before those words were spoken.

I get you can’t tell them whilst breaking down yourself or screaming at them hysterically, but it must take a special person to do it all the same.

“I….i need to inform my husband” I said as I tried to find my phone in my bag. Useless as I couldn’t even really see or feel my hands so I ended up a fumbling mess.

“In fact I need to tell work I won’t be coming in for a few days”.

“I’ll escort you down to your car as you're not fit to go by yourself. Please don’t drive straight away”.

“I won’t. I’m not going anywhere. I have a Bluetooth handsfree kit so I can call work from the car”.

Shakily I walked to my car and got in. Gripping the wheel so hard my knuckles turn white, I focused on taking deep, slow breathes in…..and out…..whilst shutting my eyes.

After I’d just about got myself together I phoned work and explained that I’d had a family emergency and that I won’t be in for afew days, but I’d still do meetings and calls along with my work from home….well when I was able to.

I also asked if my husband had tried to get hold of me but nothing.

Where can he be?

I don’t remember how long I sat there, let alone the next day. Before I knew it afew days had passed.

Daphne was still the same.

I think my husband had been coming home, must have passed like ships in the night as I never saw him or noticed his presence until one day.

It had been rougher than normal. I’d forgotten all about an important morning meeting, which in turn had nearly cost me a contract with a new client, which had then led to lots of too and fro phone calls - all going in a damn circle and ended up nowhere so I had to call into work after all to sort out the mess!!! Arrrghhhhhh!!!!!

This made me miss the morning routine with the doctors and specialists at the hospital.

By the time I had finished with work it had gone lunchtime so I nipped into the cafe down the street that made THE best coffee.

Turned out it wasn’t the best of ideas after all as I had my own hot coffee spilt on me by some idiot that was standing so close behind me that when I turned round I bumped straight into him - helloooo personal space!! Honestly some people *eye roll*.

So after discarding what was left of my coffee I darted into the women’s loo to try and blot the stain, as well as applying some nice, cool water to my chest - ahhh heaven.

What a day and I still have to check up on Daphne. Well I don’t have to but I’m definitely going over there - she is my daughter after all. Massive pain in the arse but I still deeply love her.

Turns out she had woken up in that much pain that she had been given a sedative and wheeled down to X-ray to check if anything was wrong, and had some other tests done too.

They couldn’t tell me much at that point.

After a very long, exhausting day I went home.

I’d just got in and sat down when I finally saw my husband. I was too tired to start an argument or listen to god knows what he had to say so I just stood up and went into the kitchen to get a drink.

“Oh thanks!” He snapped, “is that the way you're going to be with me after all this time of not seeing me?”

“Oh and whose fault is that?” I snapped back, wheeling round on him. “I’ve tried calling you for days, leaving you messages and what have you done - nothing! You have answered or responded once!! You have no idea what I’ve been through”.

“No idea! No idea! How do you think I’ve felt”.

What??

“You?? YOU haven’t seen her, YOU haven’t seen the scans and results from various tests, YOU haven’t had to have discussions about her and her future whilst she’s still laid in that bed and most importantly YOU haven’t been there for either her or me - not once!” By this point I was screaming at him in his face with all I had.

“No I wasn’t because I couldn’t stand to see her. I haven’t been there for you because I haven’t known how”.

“Excuse me? You haven’t wanted to see our daughter?” Maybe I had misinterpreted that.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked more quietly, Trying my hardest to keep my anger in.

“I haven’t wanted to and I’m not going there”.

Right…….

“Where have you been? All this time when I’ve been trying to contact you”.

“Work”

“No you haven’t. I called and you haven’t shown up for days. Taking some time off due to urgent family circumstances”.

“Fine. I’ve been speaking to someone and we’ve gotten close. Okay, is that what you want to hear?”

Oh. My. God. I’ve been worried sick about Daphne, trying to keep my client, my job, my damn sanity whilst he’s been having it off with someone else. Yes I figured it out but it still hurts to hear it, and now I’ve got a divorce to start on top of it all.

I threw him out and changed the locks whilst he was out crying on god knows whose shoulder or whatever else it was he was doing - I do NOT want to know, and left him a sticky note saying that his belongings were in black rubbish bags round the back. I wasn’t wasting boxes on them.

Months later I’m in the process of trying to convert the house so it’s more user friendly for Daphne.

She’s still not home yet but she has moved temporarily into a rehab suite. She’s still recovering but it’s very slow. She doesn't have any feelings or mobility in her lower half which means that she can move her arms but past her navel there's nothing.

They said medical terms for her injuries but I didn’t fully understand them. Basically she can never walk again and she has had to have a catheter and all other things to help her. It’s also doubtful about her future with children.

I hadn’t thought it was that bad. I just thought it was her one leg that was broken but there had been more internal injuries that hadn’t been noticed straight away.

It took some time and now debts but I’ve managed to finally get the house near enough how it needs to be.

There will be things changing as we move forward but for now all her living is downstairs and I’ve moved upstairs.

There's now a ramp at the front door. We don’t need a living room now it’s just us and only I would really use it, so the living room has been changed to her bedroom/comfort room where she has her bed on one side and some big, comfy lounge things on the other. There's mood lighting and an aromatherapy music combo. She also has a small table she can eat at if she wants to that fits the wheelchair under nicely.

Even I’m jealous of it.

I turned the side room into a nice, cosy snug room where there’s a table for us both to eat at and in the corner is a tall touch lamp and a crafts table so I can do my jigsaws, painting, crochet or whatever I fancy.

Then upstairs is my room, I had turned her old room into my office. There’s a lift that she can push her wheelchair into, so that she can be upstairs too if she wanted me and most of all the bathroom is now user friendly.

I did consider moving but I couldn’t face that too at the time. That and it would have taken too much of my time that I didn’t have much spare of as it was.

Besides, our back garden was always big so that didn’t really need anything adapting. We just replaced the steps with a ramp from the patio into the garden. The patio was straight out of the kitchen and already had little rails on it. That was just to divide it off more from the garden really and with it being raised one of us might have toppled off otherwise.

See I can be responsible sometimes haha.

Plus our home is fine. It’s been adjusted and it’s exactly that - OUR home. Who needs a man.

Although Daphne was upset at first she’s turned into a whiz in the wheelchair. Nothing seems to faze her. I admire her so much.

Even though she can’t get out and about much she doesn’t let it get her down. She has friends over and tries to get back to normal as best as she can.

Hopefully in another few months or so she might be able to go out abit, maybe to the local park or grab something to eat in the mall with a friend AND me this time.

Well every time until I can trust her again. It will take a lot especially trusting her friends with her. She’s a lot more vulnerable now whether she likes to admit it or not.

I’ll risk being the overbearing parent but she will just have to accept it or she doesn’t go. It's that simple.

She still does school but from home. I collect her work for her in advance on my way to work and drop off what she’s done at the end of the week, whilst collecting homework and work for the following week.

She will have to go in for exams although I’m not sure how that’s going to work with there being numerous steps up into the school.

I’ve recommended she sits them in the grounds at a table with an assistant. At least that way she will be supervised and on school grounds so it’s still legal and above board from the educational authorities.

School had been supportive and had tried to give her counselling but she had refused. She wasn’t one to play on her vulnerabilities and didn’t want to let anyone know about her struggles.

It was bad enough that they could see her as she was in this stupid chair!

On a positive note I’d got a call to say that she was allowed to do her exams as we had agreed, and she had gone in that same afternoon.

Results

Things had been awkward between Daphne and Rhianna since the incident, but I’ll hand it to her friend. She's been nothing but supportive and they are both now in the coffee shop cradling their brown envelopes with the results in, not wanting to open them.

“Oh my god, I’m so nervous! What if I didn’t get the grades I need to get in??? My life will be ruined!”

“Come on girl, you're brighter than me - if anyone it’s me that got crappy grades”.

“Yeah, but you’re not having your mother breathing down your neck and have to be Harvard quality like all the time!”

“I can hear you girls, I’m right here” I interrupted, claiming to be mock offended. “Come on, I have an idea” I smiled.

I took them out to the park and sat down on the benches facing the span of open grass and a lovely, relaxing fountain.

There was nowhere better to relax. The sun was shining, there was a light breeze and most importantly it was quiet.

“Why don’t you open them together?”

They both took a deep breath and slowly peeled open their envelopes.

“Oh my god!! I passed!!” Rhianna shrieks and then laughs happily with her hand over her mouth.

“That’s great!!” Both Daphne and I say in unison.

“Well come on, what did you get?” The suspense is killing me.

“I………” Daphne is just staring down at the paper in silence with tears in her eyes.

Oh no. My heart sinks into my stomach as I try to imagine how it must be for her.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I shouldn’t have done that. I should have let you open it in private and in your own time.”

“No it’s ok. I’m fine.” She says suddenly, her eyes snapping up to me. She quickly pushed the paper back into the envelope and starts to spin away.

“Where are you going? You can’t go off by yourself” her friend calls after her in alarm.

“I just want to be by myself, besides it’s not like I can RUN off is it!” Daphne snaps as she pushes herself down to the fountain.

Daphnes POV

I can’t believe I reacted like that.

Ri and my mum didn’t deserve that. I’ve just ruined my best friend's big moment but I just got so overwhelmed and couldn’t handle it. I’m such a bad friend.

The fountain is helping to ground me and I love the sound of it. My eyes are closed and I can feel the warmth of the sun on my face.

I’m crying but they are tears of bittersweet joy. I’m so happy for her but at the same time I’m going to lose my best friend.

Our futures are now on two very different paths. I’m hoping she will find time for me but she’s so bright and enthusiastic that she’s really going to make something of herself.

As for me……what am I going to do?

My dream job and future has gone.

I’m going to be stuck in this stupid metal cage! I want out of it so badly yet I have no choice.

My mum is trying so hard. She changed our home, nearly lost her job over me, I know she struggled with money and is still trying to help me live my life - what about hers?

I hear her sad sighs and she cries sometimes when she thinks I’m asleep or can’t hear her. She worries me more than I let on.

It makes me sad because she’s sad and suffering too.

If only I could cheer her up. If only I could make something of myself or at least get a job so I can help contribute too and show her she’s not needed all of the time.

But how??

Carols (mum) POV

I feel terrible as I look at my daughter just staring into the fountain. She’s turned so I can’t fully see her face - I don’t really want to.

I am such a bad mum.

Why on Earth did I think it was a great idea? I just wanted to do something special for them both, especially after what they have both been through.

I know it’s been easier on Rihanna but she carries heavy guilt everyday since what happened to Daphne. It wasn’t her fault. As for Daphne, well she had a life changing accident, all the recovery and then adapting to her new life on top of our divorce.

Her recovery has been slow but steady. There’s been times where she just wanted to give up and claims how much she hates her life and body, other times she makes more progress than expected. It’s so up and down.

Mentally it’s like she’s still in a block. It’s making a big strain on our relationship. Sometimes she goes back to being a brat with a it’s ‘her way or the highway’ type of attitude and she won’t even want to acknowledge that I exist.

She goes through phases where nothing entices her. Then all of a sudden she’s smiling and coming up to me asking about my day or how I am……….

As for me, well I don’t really know. Work is great, I’ve secured big contracts and am on top of my work. It’s just that I’m lonely. I need a cuddle at times and I miss having someone to just be around.

But who would want us? No man would want our situation.

Oh well, I’m a big girl and I can handle it.

The weeks drag by and don’t really get any better, if anything they are worse.

Daphne was lounging around on her phone one day when she got a call.

“Hey girl. You free in like an hour?”

“Yeah why?”

“You know that guy I like, well he wants to meet and he’s bringing a friend. WE could double date.”

“No”

“Why not? Come on. It will get you out and I haven’t got long before I leave for college, it’s something we could do together.”

It took some persuading but she eventually agreed and they set everything up.

“Can you just stop!!! I know our home is bigger but it’s not that big for you to keep wheeling up and down in the room!”

“I’m nervous and frustrated okay!! What else can I do??”

“I don’t know, but you’ve already knocked things over and got stuck in the side table numerous times. You're going to break something or tear holes in my carpet - go outside and do your pacing out there where you have more room.”

I’ve got a killer migraine coming on and a stubborn girl wheeling around crashing into everything - I would scream if it wouldn’t hurt my head so badly.

I know it’s not her fault. It’s the first time I’m letting her go out to meet up with boys and Rihanna ALONE, of course she’s nervous. I’m a wreck inside too.

She’s been out for a short time just with her a few times and it’s gone well. I’m letting her gain her independence gradually.

Okay I lied….I had sneaked out after them and was near enough to hear and see what was happening without being noticed.

They had chosen the local park. Sensible girls.

“Thanks. I needed to get out of my head for a while.”

“No problem, I mean that’s what friends are for right” Ri joked as she playfully nudged her best friend.

“Oh look here they come”

They both looked over as two guys came walking towards them.

After Rihanna introduces Daphne one of them sneers “Daphne? That’s an old persons name isn’t it?”

His friend slaps him unimpressed and claims it wasn’t nice to say that.

“What? I’m only stating the obvious”

“Come on, let’s have a wander round” her friend interrupts.

As both girls start off the same guy jeers “at least I don’t have to push you as well, that would be embarrassing!!” Then starts laughing.

I’m about to go over and say something but I hold back seeing what she does.

“When you know my story it won’t be embarrassing. In fact the only person embarrassed here should be you. You're a shallow, obnoxious jock who quite frankly I’m ashamed to say I’ve even spoken to.”

Turning to her friend she glares “Don’t bother doing this to me again Ri. I’m out.”

With that she turns and glides away.

I feel for her. She’s more depressed now than she was before. I was so worried this would happen.

After what seems like a milenia she’s finally forgotten that horrible situation, or so I thought.

“If that’s the way one guy had seen me then how is everyone else going to?”

“It doesn’t matter”

“It does when this is going to be my life, my future. This is the way that everyone is going to see me. No one is going to accept me for me.”

“I’ll always be the one who is different, who can’t do things properly, who keeps people behind or who embarrasses them in front of their friends. I’m either in the way or unwanted”.

She doesn’t feel like her futures that bright anymore.

She’s now having to think about jobs but in a very different way. Things like HOW will she get there, HOW will she be able to move around the place in her chair and most importantly WHO will be willing to give her a chance.

It’s a very depressing thought. It’s like the elephant in the room and although we talk about it it’s obviously still a big issue that won’t just go away.

I’ve decided that she needs motivation. Her friend is going away to college soon and who knows when and if she will see her again.

I’ve tried taking her out but she’s just like an empty shell. I’ve used some contacts at work and pulled a few strings to help get her some trauma therapy but she stopped going after a few visits.

Swimming was fun - never doing that again!!!

The problem is she needs a job.

“I tried that. Do you not remember how that went…..awful and humiliating thats how.”

She had managed to get a job at the local shop and was placed behind the counter, but the other staff couldn’t get past her as she was blocking the way. She couldn’t reach to stack the shelves properly so that was out.

Then she had only been at the local shelter an hour before quitting as she couldn’t cope with the dogs and cats climbing all over her.

She wasn’t picky but she had to face reality on what she could and couldn’t physically do now.

I’m at work when I get a text. It’s from Daphne wanting to meet up when I’m free to try out the new shopping place.

Okay…….improvement

It’s a bits and bobs store which sells all different things from homeware to clothing and has a cafe. It has two big floors and a lift.

I quite like it.

Anyway she’s just asked if there’s any jobs available when someone behind her snorts “yeah, and what can you do?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well you can hardly reach the counter and you nearly ran into me, it’s not like you can’t tell someone is behind you.”

Daphne turns to the woman looking deflated “you know what, never mind but thankyou anyway.”

She is in her head again and doesn’t notice a young lad until she nearly bumps into him.

“I’m so sorry” she exclaims

“It’s fine, no harm done.” He smiles down at her.

“I’m just going to leave, I’m only in the way.”

“No please. I heard what that guy said to you and no one should have to accept that. It’s wrong. Would you like a coffee or something? We can start over again, properly this time”

I smile. He seems nice enough. I send her a text telling her that I’m going to try on some clothes and I’ll meet her in abit (with a smile and a wink emoji).

She laughs at my text and agrees to the coffee.

She texts me a while later and she’s happy. They hit it off and had swapped numbers agreeing to meet again.

Back at home I can’t seem to separate her from her phone. I didn’t mind as she’s finally laughing and sending silly faces or something.

They have met a few times now and chat regularly.

She’s started getting into her books again and wants to renew her library card because HE likes reading too. That’s great but I want her to do things for herself, not others. I won’t say anything though whilst her mental state is good.

“I want to push myself more in my physical therapy. I want to be able to nestle down in the beanies in the library or walk with my boyfriend.”

“Okay. So what are you thinking?”

“I want to try the bars again. I know I didn’t stick to it but I really, really want to get out of this chair.”

“I’ll ring them and set up an appointment with the specialists and see what they say.”

“Well she will need another scan, but as she’s been doing P.T in Rehab it might work, we won’t know for sure until we try it.”

Daphne POV

One day Daphne and Stephan were chilling out in the library. It had become their favourite place to hang out, especially now they BOTH had library cards!!

Daphne was feeling irritable “I just want to feel free, you know, I’ve not felt that in a long time.”

“Hang on, I know just the thing” Stephan said with a cheeky grin.

Before I could do anything he had given me a big push down the upper aisle of the library. Laughter came bubbling out of my mouth before I could even stop it.

“Stephan!” I shrieked happily.

Just then I bumped into the edge of a huge, wooden shelf “ooof.”

The noise attracted the librarian who shushed us crossly.

“I’m sorry but if you can’t behave I’m going to have to ask you to leave”

“Sorry, we’re sorry” we both said in unison, whilst trying desperately hard but failing miserably not to laugh and look as serious as we could.

“Oh. My. God, that was insane” Stephan managed to get out in between fits of laughter.

“Yeah” I laughed “but it was a tad bit dangerous”

“Dangerous? Why? I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you” he had stopped laughing and was looking at me all concerned.

“No, I know. It’s just that you weren’t the one that was going to plummet head first over the railing”.

“Oh, come on. Your chair would have broken your fall” he joked, trying to lighten the now shifted mood.

“Or broke me even more” I muttered.

“I’m so sorry. God I’m so stupid, I didn’t think about any of that. You said you wanted to feel free and I was only trying to do that for you, whilst helping cheer you up. Some boyfriend I am huh.”

“It’s fine, I guess I’m just being sensitive - again!”

“Yep, you are” Stephan grinned and nudged me. “Although, it’s not like you were going to career down the aisle and learn to abseil in the next 10 seconds was it?”

We both cracked up laughing again. I love how he’s so good at brightening up situations, especially when I’m being unfair and sensitive.

I really enjoy spending time with him, and although I’m hoping he will stay with me in the long run I’m grateful that he’s still here and I’m just taking one day at a time.

One day Carol was in the library saving Daphne from yet another late book charge.

“You know, you’d have thought she wouldn’t forget to bring them in with how often she’s in here” she joked with the librarian shaking her head, when her eyes caught the notice board.

She excused herself and went over.

She scanned the leaflets and various bits and pieces that were on there until she came across a coffee afternoon for older carers.

Hmmmmm. ‘Maybe, just maybe I might go to that’ she thought to herself. She wasn’t into those type of things but she had been lonely and it might give her the chance to feel like she belonged again.

No one understood her struggles or loneliness but they would.

Getting her phone out she snapped a photo of it before heading out to her car.

Later on that evening she finally approached the subject. They were sat at the table eating when her mum hesitantly spoke up:

“I was in the library earlier and saw a flyer for a coffee afternoon but I'm unsure whether to go.”

“Why not?” Daphne asked.

“Well…..I don’t know. I wouldn’t know what to say for a start, and I know that we would all be in the same kind of boat but…..I just don’t know.”

Daphne looked straight at her mum.

“Look, you’ve been on your own for a while now so I get why it’s going to be hard to talk to others again. But like you said, they will understand.

You’ve looked after me and went through all that stuff with dad. You deserve to do something for you, plus you never know you might enjoy it.”

She shrugged “anyway whos to say that you have to stay. Go once and see what you think. I’ll arrange something with Stephan so you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I could do with you as my mentor, when did you become so grown up”

They both laughed and gave each other a hug.

“Thankyou” her mum whispered.

A few days later it was time for the coffee afternoon.

Carol had tried on various outfits before settling on something simple and comfy. She had chided herself for being so silly for getting nervous over something so simple as to what to wear.

She wanted to make a good first impression but without looking like she was trying too hard or not at all.

“I don’t miss this” she grumbled.

As she pulled up her hands started to shake and sweat and she nearly drove off again.

“No, you're not going to run away. It will be ok, you're fine. You're not a shaky mess that's talking to yourself in the car…...oh god!” She groaned and slumped back against the seat.

“This is really going to look good if people see you not wanting to get out of the car and talking to yourself, yes you don’t look like a crazy lady really.”

With a deep breath she got out of the car and ventured into the building praying that she looked ok whilst chanting her mantra in her head.

It was only for an hour for new people but they could stay for two if they liked. Some people preferred to do that and would stay to chat or to help out clearing things away, even making extra teas and coffees.

At first she found it hard to just relax and listen to others. Her brain kept trying to think of things she needed to do or wondering how Daphne was getting on.

One of the ladies smiled over to her.

“Your listing things in your head that you should be doing aren't you, don’t worry we were like that at the start.”

“Sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to be here, I’m just finding it hard to switch off my brain. I’m nervous which isn’t helping, as it’s my first time out alone without my daughter.”

“Trust me, we get it” said someone else.

Others murmured in agreement, smiling and nodding towards her. They then introduced themselves and before she knew it the two hours was up and she was waving goodbye before going out to her car.

She had agreed to go back and was quite happy about showing up to the next one the following week.

It was on a weekly basis but not set in stone. People could turn up on a weekly, fortnightly basis or whenever they felt like it. If they were too tired to go or just didn’t feel upto it then that was fine - which she liked.

She didn’t want to feel like she was forced to go somewhere for every meeting and join in with everything. It wasn’t always suitable which is why she hadn’t gone to a lot of the clubs or activities she had found previously.

Already she had a good feeling about this one.

Carol enjoyed her weekly sessions and after about a month she had been invited by a few of the members to meet up at their local pub for quiz night.

She was amazed at how relaxed they all spoke about their children and their struggles.

Some went swimming or did art. She laughed as she reminisced about Daphne's attempt - although it was a different situation for her back then.

Daphne was improving and making progress, but that's to mention another time as for now, for this couple of hours it was Carol's time.

As she sat back, relaxing and listening to others chatting away she overheard one of the group talking to another.

“He loved it! At first he seemed unsure but then he just went for it. I’ve never been more proud. I think I was just as nervous and excited as he was.”

“Oh you managed to get him to go then? What was he doing?”

“Yeah, he was convinced once he knew some of the others were going too. It was like an abseiling thing, a tall wall but it had a big caged harness so that they wouldn’t fall out and even Bethany in her wheelchair could do it.

They were doing all sorts. There was some sort of balance thing they went round and mobility karts - it was awesome! Even I wanted a go.”

“I wish I could have done some of that too, sounds great! I’ll let my two know about it, they will be sad they missed it. Let me know the dates and we come too next time.”

I hated to interrupt but this sounded wonderful.

“Sorry I overheard parts of your conversation and got intrigued, what was it you were talking about?

“That’s ok. It’s a disability group that goes out on trips. They can stay at the centre if they prefer and just relax in sensory areas or do little crafts.

Anyway they take them out to this huge place that caters for all different needs and mobility issues, and they spend a couple of days there doing lots of things like the abseiling thing I mentioned, karting, they have a little pets corner, a park with adapted swings, roundabout and a little trampoline in the ground.

They have a big trampoline in the hall where they also play football or wheelchair basketball…..all sorts.”

“Where did you find out about this group? It sounds brilliant and can carers come too? Sorry about all the questions.”

He laughed “Honestly it’s fine, don’t keep apologising. We all have to find out somehow. My friend's kid goes to this disability group and as he knows about Ben - my lad, he told me about it.

It really is amazing, and yes you can come, but they have plenty of full on staff and they are all trained across the different disabilities. It ranges from say someone with one arm to various special needs and even someone like your daughter. No one is left out and they are all welcome.”

“If I give you my number could you send me the name of this place?”

“Sure”

For the rest of the evening Carol couldn’t stop thinking about what they had discussed. She couldn’t wait to get home and research it.

She still worked but from home. She went in to meet new clients and to sign anything important, but other than that her meetings and work were done from her office. It had been like that since the accident.

She hadn’t been able to leave Daphne and she didn’t trust the care staff or P.T alone. Not that they would do anything to her daughter, but more like how would she know that they did what they say they did. What if progress had been made, or even lack of, and they weren’t honest about it?

Yes she knows she has trust issues but wouldn't you?

Jacob had texted her with the name and the next day she had looked it up. She had shown it to Daphne who loved it and they had enquired about a brochure. Inspiration Retreat had everything they could think of and more.

He had informed her of the next time Ben and Bethany were going and what they had planned there, and invited them both to join them to see what they thought. That way they could take a look around and speak to the staff personally.

They had both jumped at the idea.

It had taken around 3 hours to get there but it had been well worth it. The place was huge and absolutely amazing! They could book what they wanted to do on the schedule, anything they weren’t keen on they could pass but they were encouraged to give things a go.

There were so many choices Daphne wouldn’t even know where to begin!

They hadn’t needed to go away and think about it. Carol registered them both there and then. She had a brochure and welcome pack that she took home and already they had started planning on when Daphne could go. Of course she would go with her new friends and not on her own.

A couple of months later Daphne had had her trail visit to the retreat. She had only spent a few days there on a taster session, whilst Ben and Bethany along with some others were staying for the whole week.

She had loved it so much that she hadn’t stopped talking about it and several months later had gone back for the whole week this time. Daphne hadn’t been able to stop grinning and had packed what seemed like her whole room in her suitcase.