Death & Ashes - A Vampire's Crown [Book 3]

Sophia

Silence, blackness, nothingness. Surrounding me like a thick cloud, making it hard to breathe, yet not strangling enough to suffocate me. It felt like I was floating, weighing nothing, even less than air itself. It was just me, myself and I. There was no pain, no emotion, nothing. Just this feeling of having reached the end. For a while, I thought I was dead. That I had reached the phase that no one truly knew what it was supposed to be like until it happened. Everyone has different interpretations, hopes and dreams of it. Depending on what they believed in. I wasn’t even sure what I thought it would be like after dying, because I was a vampire - meant to be immortal. Unless I choose to, I wouldn’t die and I wouldn’t be here. Yet somehow I was in this place, wondering if we had lost and if this was truly the end. And it made me wonder if everyone else was in their own version of this place, too. Alone in the darkness for who knows how long. Maybe for eternity? Was everything we sacrificed, all the pain we endured, for nothing?

It took me a while to piece together all the fragments of my memory, to recreate what had happened before I landed here, and as much as I tried to reach further into this void or even try to get hold of my magical core, I couldn’t seem to break myself free. It felt like chains were wrapping around my neck, wrists and ankles, holding me in place and forcing me to remain where I was. Was this some sort of punishment for the sins I had committed in my life? Maybe this was meant to be what people call hell, just that it wasn’t what I thought it would be like.

If everyone else had lost their lives, too, I hoped they wouldn’t be stuck in a place like this, hoping they would be somewhere more peaceful, more deserving. Especially my sister.

My sister. Fiona’s words echoed through my head then: “Queen Sophia of Tierelia”. I wasn’t quite sure why she thought I was somehow a member of the royal family, the queen no less, considering that the kingdom had been long abolished before I was born. Realistically, there was no way I could be what she claimed I was, and yet it was somewhat resonating with me. Something deep inside me was convinced that this was right, that this was the reason why I always felt so out of place in my family. It might also explain why my mother never really seemed to love me as much as her other children. But did they know about this, too? Were they in any way entangled with the royal family and tried to protect me? I doubted that, especially because Samuel apparently checked if they were part of the royal family. Whether they knew or not, they still cared for me in a way. They were my family, even if it wasn’t by blood, and losing them still hurt me to the core. That won’t change. And Claire will always remain my sister as well, even if we might not be true siblings.

If I really were a child of the royal family, that also means that my actual family was long dead, too. And so, it doesn’t change the fact that I am all alone now. Did it even matter anyway? Considering that I was most likely dead. And even if Claire survived, the time at Samuel’s compound probably didn’t leave her all that unscathed. And if Samuel was still alive, I didn’t even want to imagine what might happen to her or what he would use her for. Under his reign, who could truly live in peace?

For just a second I felt a burning running through me, whirling alive as if this wasn’t the afterlife after all, like I was still capable of feeling, living. But as soon as it appeared, it vanished again, and the chains around my neck were tightening even more as I struggled to breathe. As if breathing should be something I would have to do after I died, yet somehow it felt so real, like I was losing myself, floating even deeper into the darkness, and I let it happen.

The next time I found myself back in this place, there were voices pushing through the fog, distant and muffled, but I was sure I could hear something. More than just silence, more than just nothingness. But there was still nothing to hold, nothing to grasp or see. It was still just this emptiness.

“Why isn’t she waking up?” I heard then, and recognition flooded through me like a spark. A light that brought some sort of clarity. It was Carlos’ voice. A loud thumping almost deafened me, as it sped up and got faster and louder, and it took me a moment to realize that this must be my heartbeat racing in my chest. But should I have a heartbeat if I were dead?

“Give her some more time. The magical force that hit her when she got the crown back was too much to handle in her state,” a softer voice answered, and I was sure it was Fiona.

Does that mean that they both survived?

“I know that, but she hasn’t shown any signs of waking up at all. It doesn’t even appear that she is still with us.”

I felt warmth wrapping around my hand then, a soft hold that somehow grounded me, making it feel like I'm in a less empty space, like it was keeping me from floating away into the void of darkness, anchoring me somewhere closer to the realm of living. I focused on the sensation around my hand, as I slowly realized that someone must have taken my hand in theirs, drawing circles on the back of my hand softly. I wondered if it was Carlos who was holding his hand, trying to imagine how he must look like right now and what he was thinking.

“At least Adam seems close to waking up,” Fiona answered. A rush of lightness hit me, not to carry me away, but to wipe away the fear that I had carried. The fear that he might have died on that stage, trying to protect me.

“That’s a relief. We really do need any help we can get,” Carlos said with a sigh, sounding as if he was carrying the weight of the world. So something must be going on right now, and I wondered what exactly. Did Samuel survive and somehow managed to seize control? Impossible. He wouldn’t let everyone live then, would he?

“Don’t worry, we will get through this. As soon as she wakes up, we can introduce her to the council and-.”

“And then what, Fiona? I doubt they will react fondly to the news of the Queen of Tierelia returning, after all the work they had done to overthrow the royal family and build all this power for themselves?”

There was silence for a moment, as I heard Carlo’s heavy breathing. It was surprising to hear him lose his temper like this, considering he had always carried himself with such composure.

“I am sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t let my frustration out on you.”

“I know you don’t mean harm. If I had the power, I would just kill them all and let them atone for the crimes they had committed, but alas it’s not that easy.”

“No, the support they have within the society is almost cult-like, even beyond the borders of Tierelia.”

I heard footsteps coming closer to me and then the surface where my body lay on dipping a little. When Fiona next spoke, it sounded like she was a lot closer to me. Did she sit down on the bed I was probably lying on?

“They destroyed the royal family to seize power, and I doubt Tierelia is their end goal. Honestly, they probably would love to controll the other communities, too. The shifters, the mages, probably even the humans. Who knows at this point?”

“The King and Queen had tried so hard to build a bond between all the communities, trying to build equality with no one being lesser than the rest. It’s unfortunate the advisors worked against it and stirred up everyone to bring it down.”

The pain in Carlos’ voice sent a shiver down my spine. It sounded so real, like he had seen it happen, despite also not being alive during that time either.

“The advisors all just had their own benefit in mind. They didn’t care who died because of their actions,” Fiona spat. “Vampires were just meant to do their dirty deeds, and the mages were easily replaceable, too.”

“I wish we could have seen the change earlier, seeing the false mentors they assigned to build some sort of army to rival the royal court. Many lives could have been spared if we had just seen it.”

Carlos’ hand tightened around mine as I tried to make sense of his words. Why was he speaking as if he had been alive back then? As if he could have changed something during a time he wasn’t even meant to be alive?

“Don’t blame yourself for what has happened. No one saw it coming, not even the King and Queen.”

Carlos let out a puff of air. “Maybe, but I was still meant to protect everyone in my bond, and I know I failed plenty of people, good people. No one deserved what happened, and I still can’t help but blame myself for not saving him.”

The weight on the bed disappeared as I heard footsteps again. “Stop blaming yourself. It was his choice to remain there, and there was nothing you could have done. We had explicit instructions we needed to follow, and he simply tried to do his part in any way he could.”

“But I know how much you’re still missing him,” Carlos responded, his voice thick.

“Every day, and I doubt I will ever stop missing him. He took part of me with him when he died. But that still doesn’t change the fact that he had a will of his own, and I won’t ever blame you for his choices, and neither should you.”

Carlos remained silent then, as the movement on the back of my hand continued. And as they stopped talking, I found myself drifting back into the void, slowly disconnecting from the realm of the living again and being wrapped back into a place of solitude.

Over the next few days, whenever I could break free of what kept me locked in this heavy darkness, I listened to different conversations. Their words kept me closer to the realm of the living, like they were lifting me up to the light. And whenever they were leaving me, I felt fear rushing through me. Always afraid of not being able to break through the surface again whenever I was pulled back down again. Carlos spent the most time with me, but over time Claire kept me company more and more. She cuddled next to me, her warmth wrapping around me like a warm blanket, and I found myself seeking comfort from her. Even though I knew I should be the one supporting her. I should be the strong one protecting her from the harm that had been done to her and shielding her from anything else that dared to threaten her happiness and comfort.

But by listening to Claire’s stories, I slowly got a bigger picture of what was happening right now, and apparently we were living in a castle now. The one that no one could ever enter. She explained to me that no one could enter this castle until the real descendant claimed it again. So, she must know by now that I wasn’t her actual sister and yet keeps me company, anyway. To share her love with me despite that, just as I had planned to do with her.

I never truly know if another day passed or not, but on one day, where I was just barely glimpsing through this heavy fog, hoping someone would speak more to keep me from floating away, something happened.

The door burst open and footsteps shuffled towards me, sounding as if they had trouble walking, not being able to lift their feet off the floor properly.

“Will she wake up again?”

It was Adam’s voice that broke through to me then, shaking me a little, as I realized he must have finally woken up as well.

“We don’t know yet,” Carlo answered and carefully placed his hand in mine again, like he always did when he was by my side. “We have to wait and see.”

“She sacrificed herself for us,” Adam breathed. He wasn’t entirely right, considering that I truly didn’t know what would happen when I caught that necklace. It was truly out of my control and he really gave me too much credit.

“She did everything she could until the end. We just have to give her the time she needs to recover.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Adam said, defeat in his voice that made me want to pull him into a hug and tell him that everything will be alright.

“No one expected this to happen.”

They remained silent then, only Adam’s staggering breaths echoing through the room, as if he tried to hold back tears, and then the door slammed open again.

“Bad news!” Lucas said, his voice booming with urgency, and I immediately knew that something bad must have happened, my stomach feeling heavy.

“Lucas! You are fine,” Adam exclaimed, relief in his voice. But there didn’t seem much time to catch up before Lucas’ voice chimed in again. “We have an issue.”

“What happened?” Carlos asked as he tightened his grip around my hand, like he always did when he was on edge.

“He is back.”

“Who is back?” Adam asked, confused.

Lucas seemed to take a deep breath before he said: “Samuel.”

His words reached me like a bomb. The black void surrounding me crashed into pieces, opening a seemingly even deeper hole, trying to swallow me, as I tried to struggle against it, the chains that had almost felt like they had disappeared, sliding around me again, gripping into my skin without mercy.

“I thought we won.” I heard Adam say, but his voice was distant now, as I was pulled deeper and deeper into a world that seemed even colder, even darker than before.