What is your opinion?
Good story let down by some basic problems
"I really enjoy stories that break the formula in weird ways and I think, plot wise at least, this story does that relatively well. In this literary take on the movie 'found footage' genre, the reader is really allowed to get into Sky's mind and observe as her mindset changes through the story. I think it works quite well as a short story, but what I would say is that it may benefit from a few more dates in the diary before the day it starts with at the moment to allow the character to build up before the story proper starts. I also think that the dialogue was a bit too heavily laden with backstory. I can see why you have written the dialogue in that fashion, but when backstory is explicitly spoken through it, it tends to jar the reader out a little and makes them feel like they are being spoon fed. A reader likes to be able to interpret the work themselves and, for me at least, the abusive background was spelled out quite nicely by the brief mention of her stopping at the mirror on the way out. One thing you need to be careful of is grammar and punctuation. I had a little trouble getting into this story to begin with because you had a spelling mistake on the very first line and things like that tend to stand out quite a bit - so much in fact that I was half looking for other mistakes as I was going through and found a few more. Particularly be careful with your use of 'you're' and 'your'. You seem to get it right in the second half of the story but in the first half there were several occasions where you used the wrong one. Also be careful of changing tenses mid-way through sentences. I only spotted it once but it only takes you doing it once before you start to do it as a habit in any particular story. In short. I liked the premise and the story. I was little unsure of your writing style - the journal entry style I think was good but I wasn't too sure about the sure of dialogue. The occasional technical mistakes were a little jarring. I think with a bit of tweaking you might be on to something here though..."
Mixed feelings
"There were elements of this story that I liked. Sky's situation was affecting. The format of the story (in journal entries) was interesting and fresh. But at the same time I think it could have been stronger if it had been written differently. It comes back to showing rather than telling, I think. Setting and character description are affective in evoking emotion, and so are the little details. With a little renovation, I think that this story has true potential. Keep writing!"
