Good Plot, but needs a fair amount of work...
Ladies Close Your Eyes is an odd piece. On the one hand, the story is written with an enormous attention to detail and (as some of the other reviews have already pointed out) it is very easy to visualise the locales that the author is describing. On the other, there is a huge amount of suspense riding through the story, which lends itself quite nicely to the plot.
Read the story now
As a story, it is intriguing, dark and weirdly captivating and - from the very first moment - it made me feel very uncomfortable, which I imagine was the point.
However, it is not without its issues that I think need developing or rethinking.
In the first instance, I found it very hard to develop any emotional attachment to any of the characters. In fact, for the first two chapters, I was unsure of who was even the lead in the story because we learnt next to nothing about the main players. By the time the penny finally dropped and I started taking a stronger interest in James, I had already been desensitised by the dark events of the first few chapters so - even at the final stages - I didn't really care too much about what happened.
No matter how horrific a character is acting in the first few chapters, there has to be something to make the reader root for them. If the reader is convinced that they don't like the character, then they will have very little interest in finishing the story.
On a writing note, the story is littered with spelling and grammatical errors which also threw me a little bit. The style feels a little stunted as well - at various points I began to wonder whether this piece would be better off being written in first person as that would allow the sudden changes diversions of thought and the lengthy descriptions that you have already. Also, there were a couple of times when you changed tense - it usually only lasted for a small scene, but there were occasions where it suddenly changed mid way through the action, which jarred me out of the story and forced me to go back and re-read bits again.
Finally, If there was one thing I would say needs to be improved on, I would say it is the introduction of new characters. Every time a character is introduced, the action is halted for a paragraph so that we can be given a complete physical description of the newcomer. This jars the story somewhat and isn't really necessary. As a reader, I don't need to be told every aspect of someone's appearance in the first moment of meeting them - it can be spread out a bit. Instead of describing Edd (for example) in one go, you can say he's a plump guy who desperately wants to look young. Then later on you can have him stuff his hands in his cargo pants, or brush back his boyish hair or have James chuckle internally about Edd's giant head....
Basically, you don't need to separate your actions from your descriptions - especially when you are introducing more than one character. There are always creative ways moulding the two together.
The long and the short of it is this: I think you have a good plot here - the premise is good and the way you unfold the story isn't bad at all. But the style needs to be worked on a fair bit because, at the moment, that's what's letting it down - for me at least.
Keep going with this one. Redraft it a few times and I think you'll be on to something...