The Frozen Soul (monologue 1)
A cold breeze struck my face when I stepped onto the terrace—my favourite place of all times. It was a November night, the weather needle slowly bending towards winter. And the cold of November… it has this ability to reach places in you that you didn’t even know existed—the corners of the heart, the buried memories.
Madison Beer was singing in my headphones:
“I know I should be bitter, but right now I’m bittersweet…”
My feet felt the icy floor, but somehow it thrilled me. I just wanted to breathe, relax, and look out at the world from there. I noticed someone staring at me. I turned towards the window. And that’s when she called me. "Ugh, not again.", I thought.
I don’t know why I don’t like her. People say she’s a nice, naive girl, but I’ve never felt that way.
“These winters are strange. Ain’t they?” she said.
I despise her, but she has this strange pull… I always end up talking to her.
“What’s strange in it? The only strange thing here is you, ig,” I replied.
“You didn’t notice, right?”
“What am I supposed to notice?” I snapped. She’s annoying.
“You’re not wearing any sweater.”
Still polite. Still calm. What is wrong with her? How's she always this composed?
“So? Is it a crime? Am I a criminal to you now?” I was fuming.
“Nio,” she smiled softly. “It’s just that you couldn’t survive even a small breeze without sweaters last winter.”
She was right. I love winters, but I’ve never been able to survive them without warm clothes.
“You love winters,” she said gently, “but you can’t enjoy them without temporary supports. You love things for their soft side, not the dark ones. Right, Ayesha?”
"You’re right. Idk.", I confessed. "I don’t like how extreme winters can get.”
“I know you well,” she said. “But I'm still curious what changed this winter? Did you learn to accept both sides of the picture?”
My fingers started stinging from the cold but I didn't seem to notice.
“Coldness used to hurt me,” I murmured. “Now I’m just numb. There are bigger problems in my life than winter. You’re relaxed because you don’t have anything to worry about like me.”
“Ohh, Ayesha,” she smiled again— but this time the body language shifted.
“I know you’re going through a lot. And ykw? You deserve it. Your actions wrote your destiny. You’re just reaping what you sow. And I don't feel sorry for you at all. Honestly, How are you still alive? I tried my best to kill you, ” she actually looked surprised.
I should’ve felt hurt, but something had changed in me. She was right, I had learned to accept both sides of the picture. What she didn’t know was I applied that rule to myself now.
“Well maybe I did deserve some of it,” I said calmly. That was so unlikely of me.
“Maybe I reaped what I sowed. But now it’s harvesting time, girlie. I can’t let you win.”
I smiled. “Despite all your efforts, I survived. And I wasn’t happy about it, but I've learnt something interesting now: every day is a blank page. A new chapter. A new syllabus. And the best is yet to come.”
“All this bookish talk again," she hissed. “Nothing gets better. Pop your bubble, you silly!”
“I used to think like that too. But then I started accepting life the way it comes.Yeah, it’s not what I wanted, but it’s better. I feel happiness in my soul now.”
Another cold breeze came, leaves fell around me—but they didn’t shake me this time. I continued. “I let it hurt until it didn’t. The disrespect got too loud—it pushed me to change. And now even the smallest achievements feel huge. Hell was a journey, but it led me to heaven. It wasn’t my plan, it was His. And nothing beats His planning.”
“So you’re really happy? You said you’ve problems. So what are you, a better liar now?, ” she didn't seem to give up.
“Yeah, I have problems. But what’s life without ups and downs? It makes me feel that life is moving. And these problems show me how much I’ve grown. I handle them better now. I don’t blame myself anymore, I just try to analyze them. Life is harder, for sure, but it’s better as well. It’s not all sugar and roses. It’s more like a warm beach. Waves disturb me, but the whole experience is still pleasant.” I looked straight into her eyes. “Let it go, sweetie. Just hold yourself together. I have reasons to live now. You’ll find yours too. Trust Him. Don’t fight your destiny. Accept it. Life will be better.” I exhaled on the window. The mist blurred the reflection. She was finally gone!
And that’s when I realized: it wasn’t the winters that changed. It was the frost inside me that finally started to melt.
Madison kept singing:
“Now I’m choosing me… it wasn’t so easy.”
