Bad Santa

Santa Steve

I stare at the place from the platform high above everything — my hideout. Every year is a year closer to Dad retiring and my taking over. The factory is humming with Christmas tunes as the little elves gather the last of the toys to add to Santa’s magical sack. Christmas time is a time for joy and laughter. I roll my eyes at them and take a swig from the contents of my bottle I’m holding.

“Santa is sick.” Tod calls over the tannoy. I nearly dropped the bottle I’m holding. Dad’s sick? But he never gets sick. “Calling Dr. Elf, we need your help straight away.”

I watch panic setting in and rub my face with my spare hand. “Of all the times to get sick and you do it on the day before Christmas Eve.” I groan. Hopefully, one of the elf doctors will be able to use their healing magic potion to make him better.

They all scuttle around, and I hear my name being called. I groan again before making my way to our living quarters. When I walk in, Mom is patting Dad’s brow with a wet cloth.

“Where do you think you have been?” Mom asks sternly as I walk in.

“Overlooking the production,” I say and cross my arms.

“You’ve been drinking that stuff again. I told you not to.” She points an accusing finger at me.

“What? It’s Christmas. Anyway, what is wrong with him?”

“Dr Elf is checking some tests he has just taken.” She dampens the cloth and pats his forehead. “But it isn’t looking good, Steve. I think you need to prepare yourself to do the Christmas delivery this year.”

“What! No way. Dad will get better by tomorrow night. You know how bad I was the time I tried to help him; I gave the wrong presents to the wrong children.”

“Steve!” She scolds me. “You need to take some responsibility for your own actions. Plus, I’m sure you did it on purpose so your father wouldn’t take you again. But you have to take over from him one day in the future.” Her hands are on her hips, so I know she is serious.

“I’ve got at least another twenty years before that happens.” I roll my eyes.

“You stay close tonight because once the timeline starts tomorrow, I can’t have everyone running around trying to find you. Go check on the reindeer.”

I grumble and pull on my coat before heading out in the snow to trudge across to where the reindeer are. I pat them all on their necks as I walk past them until I reach Rudolf.

“Hey buddy. Santa isn’t feeling very well, but Dr. Elf is doing everything he can to make him better for tomorrow’s shift.” It grunts at me. “Yeah, I know. I don’t want to do it any more than you do. Dad never fails, and to think they expect me to get through the entire night on my own.” I sigh and sit down on a hay bale. “He has to get better.” I lean back and close my eyes.

“Wake up,” a voice shouts, and a boot kicks my foot.

“Huh?” I rub my eyes and yawn. I must have drifted off.

“Mrs. Clause is losing her head because she can’t find you. You need to get ready.”

“Get ready?” I scrunch my eyes and rub my temples.

“Santa isn’t getting any better, and you need to prepare for the shift.” The elf tugs on my sleeve.

“Prepare for the shift?”

“It’s time!” he cries out in a dramatic Mariah Carey shrill.

“Will you stop doing that?” I cover my ears and groan. He has done it every year since she did those ads on TV.

“Get your ass over to the house. Your mom is waiting.” He kicks my foot again.

“You know if you keep doing that, I’ll kick your butt and send you all the way to the other end of the North Pole.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” He scowls at me.

“Try me.” I get up, and he runs away.

“God help the world when you take over and become Santa.”

I head inside the house, ignoring his remark. “There you are. Here drink this; it will help you get through the next 24 hours.” Mom thrusts a glass of what looks like milk.

“The next 24 hours?” I sniff the liquid.

“Your father will not be well enough to travel on the sleigh. He now has a fever and is throwing up. We need you to drink the potion and take the reins for the night.”

“Potion?” I really do sound like a record tonight.

“Just drink it. It will give you a clear head and the energy to keep going on the journey. Children are relying on you.”

Guilt tripping me much then? I take another sniff of the stuff, then gulp it down. I’m going to need everything to get me through tonight.

“Gaw, that was…” A bitter taste lingers in my mouth, but my brain perks up at the liquid. Then, a happy vibration ripples through my body.

“Get dressed, and the elves will have the reindeer ready for you.” Mom pushes me. “The countdown is on.”

I go through to my room and pull out my Santa suit. My short stubble isn’t quite a beard, and definitely not thick and white like Dad’s. Well, here goes nothing.

The sleigh is ready, and the reindeer are all lined up. “You remember you have to work around the clock the right way? So, those kids in Kiribati get theirs first.” The head elf points to the screen on the sleigh. “Everything is in there, and communications are always on if you need help. We will do the best we can.”

I pull on my Santa hat and mount the sleigh. Everyone is out watching, and the buzz in my body is increasing. Wow, that was some strong stuff. I take the reins and begin my call.

“Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donna, Blitzen, ready?” They all stomp their feet. “Rudolf, light the way, buddy.” They take off and pick up the pace, hooves thumping on the snowy ground. “Yee—hah.” The sleigh lifts off the ground, and we fly.

My body is buzzing. I’ll have to ask what was in that stuff. We completed the first locations effortlessly, encountering no problems. We pass the homes, and most of what happens results from mystical magic. I have to intervene only if a problem arises.

New Zealand, Australia, Tasmania.

The reindeer comes to a stop on a rooftop. “Problem?” I look at the screen. “Hum, it seems little Johnny left a message.”

I hate it when kids do that. I have to go inside the house and read the message. “Dear Santa, please can you give my mommy a present too? She is sad this year.”

“Okay, so what do we give Mommy for her Christmas present?” I whisper as I move around the living room where the tree is. The place looks dull, and the sad tree is plain. I found a picture on a shelf. My dick stirs in my pants, and I stare at the picture of a sexy MILF. “Well, hello there. I think we need some snow,” I smirk.

I pull my dick out and palm it in my hand. “Yes, I’d do her.” I pumped it a few times. Jesus, when was the last time I filled someone? I point it at the tree as I prepare to cum.

Let it snow.