Recorded Away

Hello!

My name is Xyla!, and I was headed home one day when suddenly! someone reached out from an alleyway and grabbed me!…

I was frozen in shock and horror!, and my attacker laughed diabolically and said that he was going to sell me into slavery!…

Then suddenly! the attacker was being attacked!, and then I saw that a robot was now tying the attacker up!…

I managed to gasp out a relieved, “Thanks!…”, and then the robot said, “Happy to help!…

And so what should we do with this bozo?…” and then I said, “You don’t happen to have a camera built into you that recorded him attacking me, do you?…

Because, I mean, if you do then I’ll probably be able to get a jury to find him guilty beyond a reasonable doubt of assault, attempted kidnapping, and attempted human trafficking…” and then the robot said, “No camera, sadly; which means that maybe a jury would convict him but maybe they’d find that there’s not enough evidence too…” and then I said, “Well, I don’t really wanna risk that…

And so what do we do?…” and then the robot said, “I’m actually curious about who he was planning on selling you to…

I mean, if we could somehow take down a big human trafficking operation then that would be pretty significant…” and then I said, “Hmmm…

I guess it couldn’t hurt to ask him?…” and then the robot said, “For sure…” and then the robot turned to the tied up attacker and said, “And so what’ll it be?…

Are we gonna do this the easy way or the hard way?…” (and as the robot had began talking I discretely got out my cell phone and began a video recording of what was happening), and then the man said, “You have no idea who you’re dealing with, buddy; and so if I were you 2 then I would just pretend that this never happened and move on with your lives…” and then I said, “Riiiiggggghhhhtttttt…

And so we’re just supposed to let you go then?…” and then he said, “You can do whatever you wanna do, seeing as you have the power in this situation.

Just know though that going after the folks who I was going to sell you to would be the worst option that’s available to you, and so you’d be better off just killing me than deciding to go stomping all over the place and trying to play superheroes or something!…” and then I said, “Interestingly, I’ve been recording what you’ve been saying, and so now I have proof for the jury of your guilt…

And so what do you say to that, sir?…” and then the man began sweating nervously; and then he said, “Please just kill me!…

You don’t know what you might be unleashing here!…

Just kill me now and let’s be done with it!!!…

Please!!!…” and then I said, “And if I had pleaded with you not to sell me into slavery then you would have had mercy on me then?…

Hmmmm?…” and then the man said, “This isn’t about mercy, this is about idiocy!…

Don’t be fools!…” and then I called the cops and told them to come to where we were because of someone who had assaulted me, had tried to kidnap me, and had tried to sell me into slavery; and then I resumed doing video recording on my phone, and I said, “And is there anything else that you’d like to tell the jury right now?…” and then he said, “Just that the jury will probably pay a steep price too if they convict me!…

I mean, I’m telling you guys that these folks don’t mess around!…

This isn’t some happily ever after fairy tale or something!…

You’ll end up regretting this!…” and then the police arrived; and I asked them if I could send the video recordings over to their phones right away; and then the police officers said that they was fine, and so then one of them gave me her cell phone number and then I sent the videos to her phone; and then another officer said that both myself and the robot would be asked to come to the police department to make statements too; but then the robot said, “And this is the part where I skedaddle!…” and then the robot raced! off!; and then I said, “Well that’s a bummer…” and then one of the officers said, “Perhaps they’ll change their mind and end up coming in to make a statement…

I mean, it’s not like we’re going to chase after them or anything; because they aren’t even a suspect or anything; and so I guess it’s like whatever, ya know?…” and then I said, “That makes sense…

But I’ll be happy to come in to make the statement, and I can explain what happened before the video recordings began…” and then one of the officers said, “You wanna travel to the police department yourself, or do ya want a ride?…” and then I said, “A ride would be great!…” and so then I soon got into the officer’s car, and she drove us towards the police station so that I could make a statement about what the attacker had said and done; and as we got closer and closer to the police station I became more and more confident that the case against the attacker was going to be very solid and that a jury would end up determining that he was guilty beyond a reasonable doubt…