Very interesting

"I really enjoyed reading this story. I thought the premise was very good and, although there is only one chapter, I was able to get a good feel for the characters introduced, Since this story is in its early stages it is probably a bit unfair to mention this, but the description does stumble in some places, one is example is the way you portrayed the main characters vision with Lily. The way the pronouns are used at once made it a bit difficult to read. Like i said this is mostly pedantic to mention so early on in development but this has a lot of potential and I really look forward to the next chapters!"