Josh Byrne

Not following anyone yet

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Interesting!

I don't know if it's too early to be leaving a review after the first chapter but i'm going to leave one anyway :L
I really like Rowan's voice as a character. It's very distinctive and has kept me wanting to know whats coming next. Your blurb is fantastic by the way.
At such an early stage its hard to review things like plot. the only thing I would say is that for a first chapter there is a lot of description being thrown at the reader. it might be a good idea to have Rowan's internal monologue happening while he's encountering the people in the town. I already found it interesting reading about Rowan's life but readers may want you to take them there, to experience it rather than hear about it. like being in the barley fields or see the reactions of the people to his parents professions. I can see there is a lot of imagination that is being invested in this world and you want to share that, but sometimes its best to drip in the description pertaining to the actions taking place. The story can get a bit bogged down if there is too much explanation and not enough action.
Overall a fascinating concept and I will be tuning in every Thursday to see what happens next! Good luck!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Love the originality

There are really good, original idea's in this story. I love the name 'Mortis Auxilium' even reading it in my head it just rolls off the tongue. There are a few grammar mistakes and i think the characters could possibly do with a bit more development for me. But i came here because of NaNoWriMo so at such an early stage this is expected. Once you get to subsequent drafts filling out will just come naturally, I can see with your style that this will come naturally. I think the explanation of the Mortis Auxilium could be earlier but it is explained really well when it does come. I know you asked for advice on grammar and there were a few mistakes, some comma's were in places where they didn't need to be, but for a first draft you don't have to worry with what you're doing.
Overall I enjoyed this story and I am really interested to see what happens next. I will definitely carry on reading!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Very interesting

I really enjoyed reading this story. I thought the premise was very good and, although there is only one chapter, I was able to get a good feel for the characters introduced, Since this story is in its early stages it is probably a bit unfair to mention this, but the description does stumble in some places, one is example is the way you portrayed the main characters vision with Lily. The way the pronouns are used at once made it a bit difficult to read. Like i said this is mostly pedantic to mention so early on in development but this has a lot of potential and I really look forward to the next chapters!

Read the story now
Writers Write Participant
Writers Write Maker of Progress
Writers Write Leaderboard Lion
Writers Write High-Fiver
Writers Write 10K Distance Writer
Writers Write Halftime Hero

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.