Chapter 1
Here is the news now: there has been a storm in the next room. Many women have become frightened, and we cannot say anything in case it is not to their taste.
We can't speak rudely in case of offence, and we can't be anything but submissive. I am always that.
"We are too busy making out to speak."
Mostly, they are tall and sometimes very giggly, and like sausages, they do sizzle all the time.
"Not around from here?"
"No, I come from the North."
"Northern where?"
"Cyprus."
"Greek are you?"
"I may be."
"Your family is Greek, too?"
"Mostly from the criminal area." In the depths of Lefka and where is that in Cyprus, where Samson became the leader, and then the partition.
"We did not understand."
"Well, it is heavy, isn't it?"
"If you do not know the history of the place, it is damn uncomfortable."
"If one is unable to sell the produce one grows, one ends up producing kids in order to feed."
"Endless ways of making ends meet."
Catered for and made it good quality snobs and shags.
They are intrigued.
But they do not understand because it was their ancestors who did the raw deal. They made the world madder by signing a hypocritical treaty because we were not peaceful. The treaty said no sales, and off they went. I was so confused because if one is a farmer, what else can one sell? Daughters and sons.
The whole world agreed, and we were sent off to do the bidding of the bidding war. Some got good bargains, and some did not, but that is life, isn't it?
So we were screwed.
"I always do not know when to stop. I speak when I should not. "
When at school, I did learn a thing, we were not the only ones who got screwed.
"Speak when you are spoken to."
We can't be anything but womanly and being womanly into something called stuff.
"Be a Geisha."
"I am given a book about the whole thing."
I am almost convinced that one makes the tea and then does a polite talk, and then they walk to the bed.
I made the tea, and that was all and did the talk if I had time. There, Dad, I did it.
"You are cheating. I am not satisfied," Dad said.
Nor was I. It is such a disgusting thing to talk to them and find they are exactly the same. Eventually found out they were the same men. A group of them is trying to grapple with the con. Dad?
"I am here."
"Was he shagging Zeks?"
Come from the criminal classes, and so therefore I am not in tune with the world of the normals. The normals are not criminals, and their ideas are difficult to underrate because they work. The normals have jobs that give them careers and job security.
Pensions and no penthouses. My father said if I were a good girl, he would give me a penthouse. I am not having the penthouse because I am not a good girl?
They beaver away and have babies on the buses and trains and then say they are respectable.
"How can one tell who is responsible and normal and who is not?"
"The normals do it with no pay."
"Dad did not give me any money for my work. So stop saying that."
"This is the worst thing you can say."
"I am so sorry, but the thing is, there within me, inside me, trying to bottle it does not stop me."
Being the dormant wife meant I got to the point where if I was sane, then it mattered not at all. When I got insane because of lewd behavior then I was told I was going to be treated by her, the wife. She had sense and all that inside her.
I, as the former woman, was sadly sent to some shadowy world as if it did not matter that I was still alive and well.
"An embarrassment soon to be forgotten and sent into some corner of the mind. She refused me entry to art and literature because it made her mad."
I would be a Geisha who did not want to become just a flop. It would be a disaster if I did become a..
"Robbed of everything."
"Soon as said and done."
"All of them spiteful cats."
If offending makes you daft, then you are not allowed your allowance- Cut and dried. I should know I am one of the rarities without one.
The family moved in because I was there all the time did not budge. Out.
"Where should a woman go when there is nothing to go to?"
"A woman needs a room of her own."
"I need a key to a door."
"No, most definitely no."
"The thing was, they only gave me a home when they got married. Sorry, I sold him for this house."
But in my youth, she did not waste me because she said I would make a lovely hippy or hanger-on and some sort of trollop.
"What should I do for travel?"
"Use your fingers."
I was most upset.
"She offered me some money to move out, but too little and too soon, I was still younger than. Where should I move"?
"She can watch us make the moves, then join us?"
"Thanks, but no."
I am too bold and naughty, she said. Maybe not enough of me is in here. Not my scene. I come from the farming stock, and they make butter without the cream not allowed to eat that.
Not allowed to do anything at all but to moan.
Women pick me up and then drop me as if a rattlesnake, as if that was not enough, I do not become poison to them. I am amiable.
We are all emancipated these days; we can be anyone's.
I have no friends here, so make the move to leave. Making a long speech did not help, so I went towards the toilet. It was closed. I said quite put out that there is no loo.
"Well, can you hold it?"
"No."
"You'd better go then."
"I am really so sorry spoilt the evening."
"Never mind, it was an important occasion with the whole of us here."
I did not know who it was, so I left reluctantly. Went straight to the cafe and fed. Laughter was there; someone was laughing at me as they tucked into the chicken. I was feeding my chins as my mother said I had plenty. So chin chin, I thought.
This is not the news; it has nothing to do with this worst possible world. I believe in doing good and making the good works. I do all the time until knocked down. When a woman who used to be human and good-natured has become the sordid law.
I am being chased by the whole of England; they have run amok, so I remained pure and sorted myself out.
One can't upset the sod. Suited and dyed, she now sparkles. I am the heartbroken ex, and Julia is the one who has him. I loathe the sight of her, and I make her itch.
The drunk and the disorderly is this: if one does not pamper to the needs of the rich and the influnential then they come and take the house.
"Come to take everything as well."
"My identity?"
"Keep that it belongs in the madhouse."
" Not my house? "
"Of course, darling."
The home and whatever they fancy. "Take him as well?" "Sure, darling, but don't say I did not say so if you miss him?"
I did miss him.
In this fantastic world, women are used to being catered to.
"But not all types are only the femme fatale."
"The others can go and hug themselves."
I am told it is wrong and robbing women when one does not pay for their drink but gets groceries.
"It is robbing you now, go and tell me this?"
"Entertain us?"
"Buy me a drink."
The thing is, one cannot buy a drink when on such a small income.
"There are not enough people buying the drinks."
I buy my own, still get someone up my thigh.
And it is not on the nine o'clock news. Women speak, and the rest of the world is on tenterhooks because the women are always upset. Too loud, someone is there making the silencer work.
If one says the wrong thing, they want to spank you and eliminate you.
"And they are people like us."
"We could have done a good thing for you."
"I have been done before. It did not benefit me."
People are swirling and making an idiot of themselves. I am here doing the counting sounds without a word off. This is a dire warning for the dire times ahead.
We are making asses of ourselves, and we are not immune to speaking out of turn when we are all lisping to the sounds of a little girl who would sooner or later be our doom.
Our little daughter, who was sad and lonely and nobody asked her how she did, grew up to be a woman sad and lonely.
"How dare the rich say that the poor girl can't ask for a better deal?"
Now this is not the usual state of affairs. We love our honesty boxes.
Because we know how to take with good grace and live while we do it.
"Here it is?"
"What is your name, the main amiable character?"
"Alev is my name, it means fire, my name that is."
"Why did you say so before?"
"No one wanted to know."
"So you made a name up."
"So what?"
"My name is my soul."
In this age, when one cannot trust anyone, the honesty box is the whole truth, adding to our concerns.
"Stop making a fool of yourself."
"Try something else to do."
"Stop writing."
People think I am bad. I vote for honesty and integrity.
"Sounds like a politician."
"Well, I am not."
"Stop, where did that come from?" The doctor told me the bad news, I am without much fudge.
"Search me."
"I want to be dishonest; they have so much life in them."
People seeking people, be aware that the computer system is all rigged.
"It says speak, and one is spoken for."
"You are number seventeen, wife."
"What no reasonable person would be that number."
I expect nothing and get nothing but grief.
"My mother is coming to dinner."
"I hope she is fed."
"A mother is always fed."
"Sharks and such?"
"Just like in the real world."
"Small gets eaten by large, and she had a huge feast."
"Do you like that ?"
"I don't know,"
"Having a snog,"
"Don't believe in it for the sake of it."
I did not understand. They are arguing, insulting and telling each other nothing.
"Politeness is what we get along with."
What is happening in this world?
"Nothing."
"No steps going nowhere but to extinction."
"News is it?"
"No, most people have nowhere to go home to."
"I find you distressing."
"I find myself quite startling,"
"I'm your doctor."
"I find authorities bad for me."
"Little do we know."
"I am this personality with no other intent or purpose but to be abused."
"Don't be absurd."
"Why are you running naked?"
People are chasing me even in my dreams.
"Where did I go?"
"Home,"
"Ouch God."
"Don't drink anymore, you will no longer care."
"Some people feel stuff, and then it happens."
"Makes me feel helpless."
"Nothing bad is going to happen to you?"
"Mostly does."
I killed two flies making out, and the whole clan was concerned that I would kill them. The honeymoon couple. That I just killed two flies making out sent them all into a titter. They knew something bad would happen to the hapless pair.
"We do not know about you!"
"About me?"
"Yes, "
I used to think. Now my brain is boiled."
"I am getting to the point of no return when I cease to matter, when I mean nothing because people ignore me. They see through me."
"Most people dislike me."
"What?"
"She is very popular."
"We all buy her presents."
"She insists."
"Your family hate you."
"I cost them."
They feel they must list the things I say, then point things out like a psychiatrists.
When they speak to me, it is in a measured tone, and it is very much a put-down job. I am one of their job,s and speaking to me is an effort.
"Dormant."
"I am still alive, and everyone is sadly waiting for my passing."
"Don't you find it funny, so funny, that there is sin and nothing but sin?"
"That a family of former whores now feel that, after much thought, I am the mad one?"
"We got on, and we know what is what."
"Money is everything."
"We have changed and made something of ourselves."
"So what?"
"She does not keep a nice house."
"A basic mistake is."
"Not worth our while."
"You are not worth our while, so we do not speak because we only speak when it is worth it."
We believe in the dirty laughs.
"I am making time with the rich and famous."
"People are the thing more money."
"We steal the show all the time with our money-making methods."
"We all must live."
The women are based in Piccadily and they do reviews, and there is not much on their minds but watering down the thoughts. They all have been there and seen it all.
Ball point pens and jokes and making love on the side as their spouses are there too to enjoy the remarkable event. I have been destroyed before.
Spruced by drink and many other factual info.
"Is it Park Lane?"
"No, of course not, that is the thing where the thing lives."
"They are no fools; if they had not had the perfect business plan, it would have made me a criminal too."
"Narrow escape."
Criticism is free if you love or hate; write it down, it is freedom to feel.
"Nothing is free."
My cunning plan to destroy her has worked.
"Is it worth your while?"
"It is to destroy every writer who is disagreeable that will make me happy."
"No, it is as an editor you are making?"
"Of course, I got the pencil out."
