Perfect Match

Ann lifted her Margarita in a salute. “A quarter of a century is a milestone birthday, and we decided to splurge on something special for you." She waggled her brows. "Thanks a lot. Way to make me feel ancient.” Ann shrugged. “It’s just a number.” Turning the envelope around, Lisa searched for clues. If it was something embarrassing, she would just stick it in her purse and open it when she got home. Charlotte, who was bristling with excitement, waved an impatient hand. "Open it already." “Do I have to?” “Absolutely.” At least it wasn’t a box or a gift bag. That precluded something like the vibrator they had gotten Linda for her birthday. But if it was a gift certificate for a private male striptease like the one they'd gotten Rachel, she was just going to thank them, put it away, and forget about it. It was a waste, but gifting it to someone else was out of the question. Lisa wasn’t as nuts as her friends. They were the best, but they constantly pushed her limits. To be frank, though, she needed that. The seven of them had started the birthday tradition in college. Everyone would pitch in for the gift, and the idea that got most votes won. Obviously, Lisa's never had. According to her friends, her ideas were no fun. That's what happened when an accounting major shared an apartment with a bunch of art and theater majors. Practical had never been part of their vocabulary, and every little thing led to a drama. Nevertheless, she wouldn’t have traded any of them for someone else, and not only because they made her seem less boring by association. Sharon, Rachel, and Bridget had moved out of their shared rental house years ago, but Lisa, Charlotte, Ann, and Linda were still there. The only difference was that each had her own room now. With the insane cost of housing in Santa Monica, moving out of a rent-controlled house would have been foolish, and for once her financial acumen had not been ignored. New rents had doubled over the last seven years. Taking a deep breath, Lisa tore the envelope open and pulled out a cream-colored card. The title "Perfect Match" was embossed on one side, and there was a web address and an access code on the other. That was it. No instructions, no brochure to explain what the heck it was. Nothing. Except, the name said it all. "Do you guys really think that I'm so desperate that I need a matchmaking service?" True, she hadn't had a boyfriend in forever, but it wasn't as if she was sitting home alone, eating ice cream and watching the dumb box. Not every day, anyway. Lisa had been on plenty of dates. The problem was that all of those guys had been meh, and her impressive list of first dates had translated into a very few seconds and almost no thirds. Perhaps the problem was that most of those dates had been arranged by her well-meaning friends, and it was quite obvious that Lisa didn’t share their taste in guys. Ann giggled. "It's not that kind of matchmaking service." "What is it then?" From across the table, Charlotte smirked. "They promise to find you a perfect sexual match and then arrange a virtual hookup.” Horrified, Lisa glanced around the busy restaurant, but it didn’t seem as if anyone had heard Charlotte’s explanation. "Keep it down. And are you guys nuts? You know me better than that. I don't do hookups." Her friend leaned closer and whispered. Loudly. "Yeah, and that's what so great about this service. A virtual hookup is not the same as a real one. None of your many prudish objections apply. You can’t catch a disease, there is no morning-after walk of shame, and you don’t even have to wax.” True. Except, having sex with a stranger, even virtually, wasn't Lisa's thing. She wanted romance, she wanted intimacy, and she wanted love. Was that too much to ask for? Charlotte kept going. "It's new. They've been beta-testing it for over a year and only opened it officially a couple of months ago, but there is a waiting list already. I put your name down as soon as I heard about it. It's perfect for you." Lisa shook her head. Out of all the crazy ideas her friends had come up with, that one took the gold medal. "Please explain how it works, and what am I supposed to do with it. I'm not saying I will, but just out of curiosity." Bridget crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't you dare waste it. We spent a fortune on this, and it's nonrefundable. Not unless you go through it and then claim you were unhappy with it and ask for your money back. There is a satisfaction guaranteed clause.” At least, there was that. She could pretend to do it and then ask for a refund. "Okay, I'm listening." "So it goes like this," Charlotte started. "You fill out a questionnaire. It asks you about your perfect type of guy, your sexual fantasies, and that sort of stuff. It's supposedly very thorough. The computer compiles the data and matches it against what it has collected from guys who filled out the same thing. It finds you the perfect match, schedules an appointment for both of you at the same time, but you don't get to see each other. You get hooked up to a virtual machine in one room, and the guy in another. The machines could be in the same facility or across the globe, and you wouldn’t know. You get to experience your craziest sexual fantasy in complete anonymity." Lisa chuckled. "I can just imagine the kinds of guys who purchase the services. Perverts, geeks, old men… you get the picture. " "What do you care?” Charlotte waved a dismissive hand. “All you see is the avatar the guy creates for himself, and he’s sure going to look like a hunk. This is totally cerebral, and, personally, I think it's beautiful. Freedom from body issues, insecurities, hang-ups, social conventions, etc. You can be whoever you want to be and do whatever with whomever." "What if it turns out gross and I want out?" "There are safeguards. A certain word you can use that freezes the program. It's all on their website. You can read it all online. Any question you can imagine is answered." "I'm sure I can think of a few new ones. Like, what if I like the guy and want to meet him? Not that it's a possibility, but hypothetically." "You can put in a request, and if the guy agrees, information can be exchanged, like email addresses or phone numbers. And the other way around. But they don't recommend it, precisely because of what you said before. There might be a huge age difference, or he might be on another continent. Currently, they only have the two offices in the States—one is in Los Angeles and the other one in New York, but they plan on opening branches in the UK, Canada and Australia." "Another possibility is that he is married," Ann said. "The perfect way to cheat on one's spouse without actually cheating. Does virtual sex count as infidelity?” Lisa wasn't sure. “I don’t think so,” Ann said. “It’s like watching porn with a twist. Although I don’t think I would be okay with my boyfriend doing that.” “Just think of the possibilities.” Charlotte lifted her hands in the air. “It’s a great way to experiment. If I want to check out sex with another chick, I don’t think Ron would mind.” “Pfft.” Ann crossed her arms over her chest. “Knowing your pervy boyfriend, he would want to watch. But would you allow him to do the same with another guy?” “Sure. It’s not real. It’s a fantasy, so why not?” Thinking of it objectively, it really was just a step beyond porn, and supposedly everyone was doing it. Except for Lisa. "I wonder if I can request to be paired with single guys only." Linda shook her head. "A single man can still have a girlfriend or lie on the questionnaire. It’s not like they are doing background checks for virtual hookups, which is another reason not to meet the guy face to face. He can be an ax murderer for all you know.” "Stop analyzing this to death.” Charlotte clapped Lisa on the back. “You're looking to be matched with someone who'll fulfill your most secret, filthiest fantasies, not a future husband. When was the last time you had sex? And I mean a good one. Memorable. " Never. Lisa had had a total of two steady boyfriends, and neither had been particularly memorable in that department. And as for her numerous dates, none had inspired even a tiny spark of desire, let alone hopping in bed and doing the horizontal mambo. It was pathetic. There was only one man she'd ever felt physically attracted to, like in weak in the knees attracted, and he barely acknowledged her existence. Lisa didn't even know his name. They worked in the same building and shared an elevator ride from time to time. Sometimes he would nod at her, and she would smile back. That was the extent of their contact. He looked to be in his mid-thirties, had smart eyes, and filled his fancy business suits very nicely. He also smelled fantastic. She hadn't seen a wedding ring on his finger, but that didn't mean he wasn't married. No way a man like him hadn't been snatched up a long time ago. He probably had kids too. Her attraction to the mystery guy baffled her. Lisa had met guys who were just as good-looking or more, but none had had the same effect on her. There was something about him, some inner strength that she found enticing. And it didn't matter that he never smiled, never