Grading Hearts

I wouldn’t usually go out on a school night, but given it is the last night of the summer holidays before a brand-new school year starts, I couldn’t say no when my three best friends, Nicole, Hannah and Maya, suggested we go out for one more drink filled night before I have to go back to the sensible, professional version of me. Except for when we meet up on Friday nights, of course.

We have been friends since we were twelve and somehow managed to stay a tight-knit group through it all. It was made harder when we went our separate ways for university (I was the only one of the group to stay close to home), but during the big holidays when we were all back home, we made time for each other and since we have all been back home permanently for the last few years, we have made up for all that time by making sure we meet every week.

Most of the time we actually go out, but sometimes, we just hang at one of our homes because we are not made of money. Especially me - the teacher of the group. I might get lots of holiday time in the school year, but as anyone will know, the teacher profession is not nearly well paid enough for the hours we put in. But then, you could say that about a lot of jobs out there.

Sometimes a bottle wine, a few snacks and the television is all we need. Particularly in the winter months when the weather is utter shite. As the weather is actually decent enough to be out in it and the fact it doesn’t get dark until after nine at the moment, we have decided to go out out on this occasion. And as it is the last night before I have to go back to routine, I put on my best outfit, even if it does seem too early for sparkles and high heels with the sun still blazing outside.

I have just about managed to put my shoes on, when the buzzer goes. I press the speaker button, despite knowing who it is going to be.

“Hello?”

“We’re ready when you are.” Nicole sing songs through to me.

I smile and grab my bag, heading for the door. We always take in turns to drive when we go on nights out, so at some point we all have a time when we can drink. Not that we drink that much anyway, unless we are getting over something, or someone. I haven’t had to do that in a long time. Which I am both thankful for and a little bit annoyed by. Sometimes it does feel like there is no one out there, but then I try to remind myself I am only twenty-eight and plenty of people these days don’t find the one until they are in their thirties. Lots of people don’t get married or have kids until they are in their thirties and that is okay. There is no set time to do anything, I know, but as women are well aware, they are always told that their biological clock is ticking.

Most of the time, I don’t care that I am single, but then you have those moments that hit your gut in just the wrong place, and you have to drown your sorrows. That is not what I am doing tonight, by the way. Even if I have reminded myself of that fact that I am alone. Not completely of course, but sometimes it does feel that way.

I blink away a tear threatening to escape and swallow down the burn in my throat at my own idiocy. I am the only reason for my down moments most of the time. And now is not the time to be down.

I shake my head, as if I am giving my hair one last ruffle and head towards Nicole’s car. I cannot let them see me like this. Not because I can’t share my feelings with them, but because they will try and make me meet someone tonight and I am not in the mood for that. Especially not like this.

“Evening!” I put on my best upbeat voice as I sit in the back.

“What’s wrong?” Maya asks and she turns to face me.

“What makes you think anything is wrong?” I focus on clicking in my seatbelt as Nicole starts the car.

“Remember we have known you for the last twenty-four years – we know when you are not yourself.” Hannah, sat to the left of me, joins in as we head off.

“I am fine. I just want to get my drink on.” I make myself look at her, determined to let them believe I am perfectly fine.

“Huh-uh.” Maya turns back to front, and I’m glad they both leave it, even if they clearly don’t believe me.

At least I can always rely on them to accept I don’t want to talk about things, when I make it obvious. They never push me to talk about stuff, and I love them for that. It makes it easy to tell them things when I actually do want to.

“So, I know we want to enjoy the last day of summer, but at the same time, we do all have work tomorrow, so we do need to be a little bit sensible.” Nicole calls from the driver’s seat.

We all groan and then laugh.

“I don’t know if I even remember how to get up at six o’clock.” I lean my head against the window.

“Well, you could always hook up with someone and then you’ll have to, to get home in time to shower and change before heading to work.” The smile in Maya’s voice is evident.

I shake my head, but smile. “Thanks for the idea, Maya, but I’m good. Strangely, I don’t feel the need to do that tonight.”

“Shame! I was hoping we could wing-woman for you tonight.”

“I appreciate the thought.” I stretch across and place a hand on her arm. “But I’m good.”

“Hey! Maybe you’ll meet someone at work.” Hannah perks up. “Did they ever find anyone to replace the English teacher who left?”

“Not that I am aware of.” I take my phone from my bag. “Which is weird, because we’d usually know by now.” When my screen lights up, I see that familiar icon at the top of my screen indicating I have a new email.

That’s weird. Must have come through when I was getting ready. I always leave my phone in another room when I get dressed so I don’t get distracted halfway through and start scrolling through videos I can live without seeing wile I sit there in my underwear.

I open the email and fall silent to read.

Dear colleagues,

As you are aware, we have been trying to recruit for a new English teacher from this academic year and onwards. It has been a long and difficult process, but I am very pleased to announce that we have successfully recruited Mr. Logan Matthews to join our English department.

He will be joining us from tomorrow for our INSET day and there will be time at the start of the morning for a meet and greet. I hope you will join me at half past eight tomorrow morning to welcome Logan to the school.

I know you will all make him feel a part of the Twin Oaks Academy family from the very beginning.

Hope you all had a lovely summer break.

See you all bright and early tomorrow morning!

Ted

I reread the first few lines again, not sure I could have read it properly. Logan Matthews? Logan... Matthews…? It can’t be. He can’t be the same Logan, right?

“Hey!” A hand waves in front of my face. “You okay?” Maya’s face comes into view.

“Y-yeah.” I shut off my phone and put it away, now realising we have parked. “Let’s go.” I hurry out of the car and head for the door of our favourite bar Jazzy’s. I need a drink like never before.

I head straight for the bar and order four cocktails – the first one I could see on the menu – not caring what is in it as long as there is some form of alcohol. I am impatiently waiting for them to be made when the three of them join me at bar.

“What the hell was that?” Hannah says as she practically slams her bag on the bar top.

I ignore her as four pink drinks are set down in front of me. I pick one up and start sucking on the straw, watching the liquid disappear from the glass. Maya stops me when I am about half-way through, wrenching it out of my grasp.

“Okay, what is going on?”

“Nothing.” I grab for the drink in her hand, but she pulls away. I shrug and pick up a second. Nicole can’t drink tonight anyway, so I’ll have hers too.

Before I can wrap my lips around the straw, it is taken from me too and I turn to Nicole holding it high in the air. Shit! It sucks having friends taller than me. I can’t reach anything as soon as her arm is outstretched.

“You saw something on your phone. What was it?” Nicole demands and I frown, holding out my hand.

“Give me back my drink and I might tell you.” I glance at Maya, an eyebrow raised.

She hesitates for a second and then hands me the half-full glass, albeit reluctantly. “Right, spill!” She picks up the untouched glass on the top and starts drinking.

I briefly smile and then sigh. “Okay, well, it turns out they have recruited someone at work.”

“Excellent!” Hannah hisses. “So? Is it a man?” She waggles her eyebrows and usually I would laugh along, but I can’t this time.

“Yes!” I’m aware my voice has a hard edge to it.

“Why do you sound annoyed by this?” Nicole asks as he sets down the full glass in her hand.

“Because he isn’t just any man.” I circle the rim of my glass, his face finding its way to the front of my mind. “It’s Logan.” I whisper the last part as if I can’t bear to have his name on my lips.

“Oh!” Maya peers closely at me. “Are you sure?”

I turn to her. “How many other people called Logan Matthews do you know?”

“Fair point.” She murmurs.

“But it could be someone else with the same name…” Nicole adds.

“I guess.” I set my glass down. “But I just know it can’t be anyone else. He is the bane of my life and I just when I was sure I had gotten rid of him, he comes waltzing back into my life.”

“He hasn’t done any waltzing, yet,” Maya quips.

“Also, him going off to university doesn’t count as getting rid of him. He chose to leave.” Nicole tags on.

I look at them both, smirking away. “Are you done?” When they try but fail to hide their smiles I roll my eyes. “I cannot believe I have been free of him for this long and then he suddenly decides to move back here. Why couldn’t he stay away?”

“Oh, come, on. You must be a little bit excited to see him?” Hannah bumps my shoulder. “Maybe he looks even more gorgeous than he did in high school.”

I turn to her, an eyebrow raised. “Gorgeous? He was a twat, who thought he was better than everyone else. Well, better than me, anyway.”

“Yeah, but, people change. Maybe he has grown up a lot since then.” She leans closer to me. “Maybe he is going to be The One.” She smiles wide.

I scoff. “I’d rather scratch my eyes out than get close to Logan Matthews.” “Thing is, you don’t get to choose.” Nicole leans forward. “If it is meant to be, then next time we meet you will be telling us all about how fucking gorgeous he is and how much you want him.”

I shake my head and take the other full drink, starting on it as Maya heads for a table, letting Nicole and Hannah order something for themselves.

The day I fall for Logan Matthews, is the day I accept there really is no one out there for me. No matter who he is now, there is no way I could ever look past the teenager he used to be.

With any luck when I turn up for work tomorrow, it will a completely different person with the same name. Just a coincidence.

Except deep down, I know that would be too good to be true.

Deep down, I know I am going to come face to face with my academic rival for the first time in ten years and I have no idea how I feel about it.

This year was supposed to be as exciting as any other academic year, but now it is tainted before it has even begun.