Chapter 1
My eyes close at the warmth that comes through the sun. I rest my head against the wall and let myself bathe in what’s happening around.
Another wave of nausea hits me. I want to go and puke but there is no strength in me left. Tears leave my eyes at the thoughts that keep floating in my mind.
“One....two....three.” I counted the breaths to calm my racing heart. The sound of pooja happening downstairs travelled to me through walls and had more tears streaming down my face.
It was a reminder of my deceased husband. The husband died a month ago and this was the last ritual left. Last one reminder of him.
I slowly placed my head on the floor, and looked at the empty bed. It did not feel like I was free. I felt more trapped. I feel I am the reason he died.
I caress the baby bump, I feel the hunger and the guilt to deceive my conditions with the thought of food follows.
I close my eyes, for that is the only way for this pain to end.
“Radhika, Radhika.” I heard my name from my mother in law Karuna Malhotra’s mother.
I could smell the food in the room and my stomach rumbled at the senses. Yet it did not allow me to open my eyes. I wanted to go back to the peaceful dreams I was having.
“Why are you sleeping on the floor my child?” She whispered caressing my head, that is when I open my eyes not realising I have been sleeping at the floor all this time.
I sit up straight. Blinking my eyes to adjust to the bright room.
Ma sits beside me her eyes swollen with all the crying she must have done. Were my eyes swollen too, I wondered.
She made a bite of the food and brought it near my lips
“How is the baby doing?” She asked trying to smile but the grief was too hard on her.
I could not smile and I was not even grieving. Every time she was here in this room she became stronger than I can imagine.
" Fine.” I replied nodding at her.
She looked at me for a minute before continuing, “Have you thought of what you want to do now?”
She took a hold of my hand where there were marks, and another drop of tear left her eyes.
“I am sorry for what happened to you, if I would have ever known this was the kind of life you are living. I would have saved you that exact moment.” She whimpered.
“You both looked so happy, I can’t believe this was all happening.” I looked at her, her son had died and she was crying about me. It made me cry more tears.
I looked down to not see me this way.
“Radhika” she gulped. “You are young, and all your life is in front of you. You cannot spend it here in this room.”
She fed me another bite and continued. “You are twenty three and six months pregnant.” People make life difficult for a single mother. I and Raj are here for you as your parents. But what happens when we die?”
I did not want to go through all that thinking. I wanted to bury everything and sleep for a long time. Sleep long enough for either all of this to be a dream or for me to forget everything
I laid my hand on her shoulder, tears coming out of my eyes. I have never really been around her a lot. After I and Raghav got married, he used to live separately from his parents and brother Abhimanyu.
But in the moment, only she felt like someone who cared. Someone I could rely on.
“I, Raj and Abhimanyu have talked about you and we have thought about something. We want you to start studying again and....” She looked away not completing her statement.
I waited for her to continue, scary twists forming in my stomach. I nudged at her hand, asking her to continue “and Abhimanyu wants to get married to you. He wants to take your and the baby’s responsibility.”
