An interview with a Villain

(The show starts at 8pm on television. Channel 9)

“Today, we will be conducting an interview with a villain for the first time on an international broadcasting channel. He will be telling us more about why he became a villain, how he views the villain superhero rivalry and more about his day-to-day life as a villain. This Villain goes by many names: Mr Destruction, Professor Destruction, or more widely known as Doctor Destruction.”

(interrupts the host)

“Please, address me as Doctor Destruction and let me make this clear: the only reason I agreed to do this interview is to shame all superheroes and to make known to the public just how stupid and naïve the path of justice truly is. You may quote that in your next magazine release featuring my groundbreaking work with zombie rabbits.”

(points at the host’s notepad)

“Now for the questions you’ve addressed to me. To start with, why did I become a villain? The answer is very simple; villains see a more underlined rule of law. Think of it. Superheroes simply have to sweep in and destroy whatever a villain has built. Either by throwing it around, burning it or the rather ruder version of being thrown into your own creations. But has anyone thought about me? It takes months to think up these new, innovative ways to destroy the world, just to find out that no one cares about the world anymore. Everyone’s faces are fixed to some form of a screen; it’s all about social media this and social media that. I doubt they’d even notice the world ending outside their windows unless it popped up on social media. So I found a way to destroy the internet. Two years! Two years! Just to get thrown into your own creation by a fire-headed fool. Sure, that’s exactly what I needed, to waste two years of my life!”

(Dr Destruction walks out in frustration)

“I’m sorry, I cannot do this interview anymore.”

(Host shuffles behind him)

“We apologise for the inconvenience. Dr Destruction has taken a five-minute break, but we will have him back in the interview room continuing with the interview soon. Thank you for your understanding and patience. “

(Interview cuts to black with ads running for five minutes)

(The interview starts up again with Dr Destruction and the host back in their seats)

“I apologies for my abrupt leaving. It’s just every time I think of all the work and effort I put into my creations and how easily it gets destroyed. It really hurts sometimes, it really does.”

(the audience awes)

“Back to the question at hand. I was raised like any other child. I had a home and two parents who loved me very much. Shocking, but I, too, looked up to superheroes. I mean, my mother, television and society constantly poison our minds with these delusions of justice. Nonetheless, my mother is a wonderful woman, despite her cruel beliefs that superheroes save the day. One thing that is a crazy truth is how good her brownies are. You should try them. They are to die for. I’d literally destroy a village for those brownies. Sorry, that has nothing to do with the story. I had a normal childhood till one day I was playing with my friends at a playground like I would every day after school. However, that was the first time I ever saw a superhero and guess what he did? Don’t guess, I’ll tell you. He destroyed my home, which is what he did. I know your next question will be, ‘but how did he do that?’ Simple, superheroes have no regard for the amount of destruction they leave in their wake as long as they save the day! Luckily, my parents made it out in time.”

(audience sympathies)

“I have to point this out. Have you seen how much destruction superheroes leave in their wake? I mean, a whole section of the city was destroyed, just like that, in the blink of an eye. How many people lost their jobs and homes in that “heroic attack”? Yes, my name is Dr Destruction, but you know what you’re getting when I come to your section of a city. Destruction, as in I’m going to destroy everything in that section of the city. It’s in my name. Whereas heroes have names that give people a false sense of safety, then goes ahead and destroy most of everything and blame it on the villains. Are heroes not supposed to save lives, not destroy them? I’m the villain, that’s my job!”

“Noticing this even at the tender age of twelve, I embarked on a journey for knowledge. I wanted to understand why superheroes had superpowers, and the rest of us did not. Why was it okay to roast said man’s face with a fireball, even though said man has no superpowers!”

(Dr Destruction becomes agitated in his seat)

“Sorry, I lost my temper there again. Unfortunately, my research as a child came to nothing as I did not have the needed supplies or materials to conduct my research further.”

At aged sixteen, I began my freshman year of college. Due to my total uninterrupted dedication to knowledge, I was able to start studying much earlier than most. I, of course, had a full bursary for all my troubles, but the state at my home was in a financial downfall. As my father passed away. Nevertheless, life had to go on, and I found myself robbing stores just to put food on the table every day. Yes, living a double life was tiresome, for all during the end-of-semester exams, but it had to be done.”

“During this period, I also met a very great man. He was a villain, but also a professor in one of my chemistry classes. If anyone took a moment to discuss with the man, they would bear witness to greatness. I gain so much knowledge from this man that it has allowed me to further my research into finding out how these “superpowers” came to be. He even became somewhat of a father figure I longed for.”

(Dr Destruction clutches his mouth in his hand for a moment not to cry)

“However, soon after I started my research, the government came to recover all of it, and without explanation, took my professor into custody. Just like that, the man I looked up to was gone, without a trace.”

(Audience Boo’s)

“I did not let that stop me. Currently, I am the holder of five different Ph. D.S and am currently busy with an additional one at the prime age of thirty-four. Why is it that I need to be this overqualified? To keep outwitting my opposition, is why. The world is ever-changing, as I pointed out, and we need to change and evolve with it if we ever want to succeed. Meanwhile, all we expect from our superheroes is to smash things or to create things that can smash on their behalf. No creativity, no shock. I bet you if it were to be a battle of wits, I’d win every time. Sure, I’m not that big or muscular; it’s because I’ve devoted my life to using the strongest muscle, and that’s the brain. I’m sure their mother’s had steroids in their breast milk to develop these abnormally giant built people. No normal child can grow that big.”

(Scoffs at the camera)

“Long story short, I realised that heroism was not just a word but a state of mind to a blind society as a false sense of safety and security, thus allowing governments to work in the background on their much greater schemes and believe you me, I will find a way to bring these schemes to light. Believe me, I will.”

(Dr Destruction points to the ceiling)

“For the second question, Dr Destruction?”

“My views about the superhero and villain rivalry are that there would be no villains without any superheroes. Take my childhood story, for example. Think of this: provide me one example of a city in which a superhero lives, but no villains. I understand your next statement will be, but there are superheroes to stop crime. That statement is somewhat correct; however, the pressure of superheroes challenges regular criminals to become more advanced, seek bigger rewards, and that is when villains are made. So would society not just be better off without superheroes? This is what I think, superheroes breed villains.”

“We understand that since your last arrest, Dr Destruction, you have legally changed your name to Destruction, but can you tell us more about your day-to-day life before this change?”

“I had a normal life like any other citizen. I’d teach at a university as I was a lecturer, go for jogs, have a cat at home, you know the day-to-day stuff. Unlike superheroes, we villains do not get grants from the government while sitting most of the year in front of a television waiting for the world to be under threat before actually doing something. We, villains, have to pay for our own equipment, resources and way of living. So every time a hero just destroys one of my creations! That’s another Christmas bonus down the drain. Physically, I have to keep exercising to stay fit and healthy. Villainy takes a strain on your body over time. The long days of work and late nights of terrorizing the villagers can become very taxing. We as villains don’t rely on superpowers or grants handed out by the government. We carve our own way and reinvent ourselves without the need to wear embarrassing leggings. This is the villains’ way.”

“Well, that concludes our interview with a villain. Thank. . .”

(Audience starts applauding)

“Sorry to interrupt you so abruptly, but I’m sure all your viewers would love to hear this first-hand from me. I lied at the beginning of the interview by saying I was here for the sole purpose of shaming superheroes. Alas, I am here to confess that although the government had recovered all my research so many years ago. They had failed in recovering the most important part of that project. My brain! Yes, you heard me correctly. I never stopped with my research, and all along, my foiled plans were just a façade to hide the true nature of my research. True, I had to go through many beatings by a hot-headed hero just to get samples of his blood, but when I did. It was worth the tower of medical bills I’ve collected over the years.”

(Audience is shocked, host calls security)

“Just this time yesterday, I discovered a way to reverse the so-called ‘power’ gene in superheroes and turn them into nothing more than the pitiful humans they so easily trample over every day. My discovery will level the playing field once more and shift the many eyes away from their televisions to open their minds to the injustices of the day-to-day governmental system. This whole interview was just a way to make sure that over eighty percent of the world would be at home at this exact moment watching this show, ready and waiting for the last stages of the cure to finish mixing. Yes, this was all a means to waste time. To waste time till the finale.”

“Why am I telling you this now? As we speak, my distribution system is getting ready to spread the cure to your blindness, to the injustice.”

“Open your eyes, people, and finally see the light! I will cure you all of your delusions because I am Dr Destruction and your salvation and no one...”

(Security tackles Dr Destruction, causing the camera to fall over and break)

“Sorry, we interrupt this broadcast with some important messages from our sponsors. This broadcast does not embody the beliefs of the channel and thus will be terminated immediately till further notice.”

“We hope you enjoyed your programming with us, and once more, apologies for the immediate termination of programming. Remember, your programming experience is important to us.”

“Thank you”