Infinity Times Infinity

People talk about love like it's supposed to save you. Like it's a lighthouse in the middle of the storm, calling you safely home.

But no one ever tells you what happens when the lighthouse burns down. When the very thing that's supposed to guide you becomes the thing you fear the most.

People say love is supposed to heal. That it comes in after the storm, wipes the tears from your face, and helps you breathe again.

But what they don't tell you is that love can be just as terrifying as the loss that came before it.

I know, because I've lived through both.

When Jason died, something inside me shattered. I kept singing, smiling, showing up in photos and onstage...but I was gone. What was left behind was just a shell wearing pretty clothes and pretending the pain had turned into strength.

And then Ryan showed up.

He wasn't supposed to matter. He was supposed to be a distraction, a moment of warmth in a world that had gone cold. But somewhere between the laughter and the passion, between the way he looked at me and the way he saw me... I started to feel something real again. Something terrifying.

Because what if I lost him too?

He crashes cars for a living. He walks into danger every time he straps in. And I've already buried one man I loved.

I didn't know how to live in the space between grief and love, how to let someone close when all I could see were the ways I might lose them.

So I did what I do best...I ran.

But this is also the story of what happened when I finally stopped running. When I realized that love after loss isn't about forgetting the person you lost. It's about being brave enough to let yourself live again.

It's about letting someone new love the broken pieces you thought no one could touch.

This is the story of how I learned that healing isn't always pretty.

But sometimes, if you fight for it... love is still worth it.

Getting there is the hard part.