Only One Time

No one ever truly knows what its like to be lonely. Like standing in a crowded room screaming, but no one hears you. Its been years since I have felt wanted or desired. I lay in my bed all tucked in scrolling. I see an advertisement pop up for an app that allows you to meet new friends from around the world. Snapshot, what a name for an app. I hesitated but thought why not? I downloaded the app and chose my new name bluegoddess007. There were options to blind chat or join groups. I tried the blind chats. You get 10 for free. I now know why. Girls selling themselves. Guys wanting naughty pictures. What a turn off. Here I am 40 years old and I have 19 year olds looking for a cougar. Gross! I have kids that age. I click on the public groups icon and search for Alabama. Just curious if anyone local exists on this app. I find one and request to join the group. After sending a live picture of me touching my nose I was welcomed. My first thought was oh boy what am I doing? The chats were friendly. Just casual banter of hellos and where are you from. Then some flirting. During the conversation we began talking about weird things people ask on the app. One guy sent me a pm asking if he could pee inside me. I was enjoying the chat, but was losing interest quickly. Or getting turned off. I shut off my phone and closed my eyes. Still wondering what in the hell was I thinking? I look at my husband sleeping next to me. Wondering if this man knew how much I loces him bit longes to have the days back where he wanted me. I know I have gained weight, and aged. Hell we have been married for 22 years now. Then I remembered why there was no sexual desire between us. I wonder if there ever will be again. I think about the app again. What am I really looking for? I'm looking for the chase. The thrill of being wantes and desired. I wanted sex that wasnt just an obligation.

The next morning I wake up and open Snapshot. I have a dozen messages. Mostly "Good morning beautiful". I roll my eyes and decide to open the group chat. I say hello and try to join in the conversation. Its friendly. One person stands out, but Im leary to talk to him much. I dont think he was serious when he asked to pee inside me, but he was funny. His profile picture was just a black circle and his name was just initials. JM, this should be a warning. No one with a J name can be trusted. That comes from trauma as a child. Honestly it reminds me that Im stupid for even entertaining the idea of this silly app. It was mostly flirting and sex talk. Is this really what I was looking for? Sex in my life was because someone else wanted it. Either I gave it or it was taken. Maybe this is what it was supposed to be like.

A new person joined the group. We all said hello and started telling each other where we lived. I soon discovered JM was only a few miles away. He asked to PM and I agreed. He waa from the town I went to school in. The only downfall was I was a lot older than him. He didnt seem to mind. I didnt either. We eventually shared pictures. He was cute. Gorgeous eyes. Eyes you could stare into and get lost. Im usually attracted to blue eyes. But there was something in those green almost hazel eyes. We continued to talk the rest of the day. Nothing sexual just casual. He was so easy to talk to. We had a lot in common. Neither of us single. Just looking for adventure in our own way.

Over the next few months we would chat. I was feeling guilty and deleted the app. I needed ro focus on my marriage. I needed to figure out what I really wanted. Then there was a big blow up at my house. My yyoungest had told me I was making her and her sisters lives miserable. Damn that hurt. I decided to get in my car and drive. I drove to his town. I know so stupid. As I sat in the Walmart parking lot wondering just what the hell I ws doing I said to myself "fuck it". I downloaded Snapshot again. He was still on there. I said hello and to my surprise he responded. Hell no I didnt tell him how close I was. At this point I just needed something to keep going. Without knowing it he talked me off the ledge I was teetering on.

I finally went home. We continued to talk and I told him I had a day off the next day. To my surprise so did he. We agreed to meet for the first time. We were goinn to meet at the river. A public place just in case. We were both hoping that neither of us was a serial killer. To ease the nervousness he was going to bring his son Max. His lie was he was taking Max fishing. Sadly I didnt have to lie. No one cared where I was, or what I was doing.

I woke up the next day. I took a shower, shaved my legs and decised that I had no choice but to put makeup on. I was also going to take my best friend. My little frenchie Stella. We went to Walmart got some snacks. Stella was meeting someone special so she had to have a new purple harness and leash, and of course a new toy. Then we were on our way. When we got to the river Stella and I took a walk. Then we laid out a blanket and waited patiently. He was bringing his son. It would be ok. Did doubt run through my head? Of course it did, but I was just meeting a friend. I wanted to stare at his eyes in person. I wanted to hear his voice and his laugh. I know it sounds silly. I was also worried what he would think about me. What if I was too old? What if I was not what he expected? What of I was too fat, or ugly? I almost talked myself into leaving.

Finally he was here. He steps out of his truck and smiles at me. I knew then it was going to be ok. He was exactly what expected. Even cuter in person. He was tall. Not skinny, not fat just perfect. Did I mention those eyes? Stella barked and his little boy came running over to pet her. I couldnt have planned this better. She was a good wingman. They were just a father and son spending the day together and met a stranger. He walked over to pet Stella of course and reaches out his hamd and said hi Im Jaxon. I shook his hand and said hi Im Anna. I didnt want to let go, but didnt want to be creepy either. Max jumped up and ran to the water. We followed him with Stella. Max splashed in the water and we skipped some rocks. The conversation was casual and easy. Max decided we needed to play tag. Of course he was it first. He tagged me. I thought about tagging him back but all I could think about was touching Jaxon. So I tagged him by poking his arm. I knew if I put my hand on him it would stay longer than it should. He tagged Max and I secretly wished he would tag me just to touch me. He didnt which left a little doubt. Was he disappointed? Max went back to the water. I leaned up against a tree. My brain was screaming for him to kiss me. The voice in my head was telling me he was not interested. We ccontinued walking and he stepped closer and put his hand on my ass, then a gentle squeeze. My heart was beating so fast. I had to hold my breath so a moan wouldnt come out. I must be desperate of Im turned on just by him grabbing my ass. We stopped walking so Max could play in the water. He had his hand on my ass again. I wrapped my hand around him and placed my hand on his ass. I was imagining what it would feel like if his hand slid under my shorts. I wantes to run my hand to the front of his shorts to see if he was as turned on as I was. Max then turned and talked me into wading in the water with him. We splashed around and Max took hold of my hand. He started walking back to my blanket on the ground but didnt let go of my hand. I had to laugh to myself. This little boy had more guts than his dad. But then again adults dont usually hold hands with strangers. We stopped to sit on some rocks while Max played in the water. Jaxon was close enough that we were touching and my skin was on fire. Max came running up sayong he ws thirsty. He ran to the truck to get a his drink. Once again I wanted Jaxon to kiss me. Why was this all I could think about? He didnt Max came back and we walked back to my blanket. We talked for a little bit. You could tell Max was getting tires. Part of me wondered what would happen if w stayed long enough for him to fall aslweep. Unfortunately it was getting late and I had to go. We packed up our stuff. Jaxon buckled in Max and walked over to my car. We said our see ya laters, and we had a good time. He went to walk away and I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me. I kissed him just a quick kiss amd he started to walk away. I said do that again and we kissed again. Again just quick kiss and he walked away. I got into my car. I just sat there. A million things running through my head. Of course my head always goes to the negative. It kept telling me he didnt want this. I did! So bad! Why? I cant really answer that.

We continued to chat that evening. I could tell something was off. We agreed to meet again. We agreed things would defintely happen next time. This continues for the next couple of days. Both agreeing that we can do this, but we can not do it with feelings. This was going to be the hard part. I could still tell things were different between us. We agreed to meet again one more time. This was just for sex. Nothing else, and only one time. Then one day he tells me he feels guilty. I had a feeling this was the change between us. I knew I had feelings and this told me he had some as well. I knew he didnt want to leave his fiance and I didnt want to leave my husband. I knew if this continued we were both going to have regrets. I decides then that we couldnt keep doing this. I sent a mesaage telling him I understood and quickly deleted the app. I knew if I didnt I couldnt stop talking to him. I knew I had feelings and I knew they wouls just make things worse. I laid on my bed and cried. I dont know why. I didnt love him. Why did I want him though. Was it the attention, his kindnesss? Was it because he was easy to talk to? Just like all the other days I was rejected and I would have to move on.

As days went on he still crossed my mind. Out of boredom and desperation for someone to talk to. I downloaded Snapshot again. He was still there. It ws just hi how are you? No conversation. Then eventually we started talking again about our one time. When? Where? What we would do. I knew then that it was nice to have a friend. Why not add some benefits? We continued to casually talk for a couple more months.

My family was going on a camping trip. Come to find out so was his. We talked about sneeking away. We talked about going on a trail and meeting up. Our fantasies ran wild. We arrived at the river on Friday. I kept looking around just to catch a glimpse of him. Finally while fiahing there he was on the otheraide of the river. I smiled at him wondering if he knew it was me. I had a hat on and no makeup. Then I watched him walk away. That evening my husband and I had a fight. I sat out by the campfire while everyone else went to bed. I decided that maybe a shower would help make me sleepy. I gtabbed my shower stuff and walked up to th showers. As I was walking up I knew someone was behind me. I didnt care. If they were going to kill me I was ok with that. I opened the shower door and the light came on. I realized the door didnt shut so I turned around. There was Jaxon. The door closed and he locked it. Trapping us both in. Why was I scared? We stood there staring at each other. I said hi and then laughed realizing that most people in this situation wouldnt just say hello. It would probably be more like what the fuck are you doing in here? Jaxon said hi back and stepped toward me. I think h was testing to see if I would run away. I didnt. He stepped again close enough to touch me but he didnt. He asked if I was ok. I looked at the floor and said yes. He stepped closer still not touching me. I looked up at him and he raised his hand and put it around the side of my neck. He slowly and softly ran his thumb across my bottom lip. I closed my eyes and held my breath. When I opened my eyes he was staring down at me. He leaned down and ssoftly kissed me. He ran his thumb along my cheek. I put my hands on his waist. We continued to look at each other. He ran his hand down my arm and grabbed my hands with his. He stepped forward again making me take a step back. Never taking his eyes off me he did this again. I could feel the damp cold shower wall behind me. There was no where else to go. H raises my arms above my head. Touched his forehead to mine. Then kissed me again. This time it had more fire. More want and desire. He let go of my hands. I wrapped them around his neck. He grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it over my head. His kissed my neck and down my chest. He wrappes his arms around me and undid the clasp of my bra. It fell to floor. He kissed down my chest an between my breast. He cupped both breast with a soft squeeze. With each hamd on a breast he pinched each nipple that were already begging for attention. He kissed down my belly until he got to the waist band of my shorts. He gently pulled them down and kissed my thigh. He stood up and kicked my clothes over by the door. Then reached over and turned on the water. He stepped back and undressed himself. He stepped into the water and kissed me again. Teasing my nipples and my breast with his hands. He kissed my neck and shoulders and started down my chest. Stopping to kiss each breast. Sucking a nipple into his mouth and teasing with his tongue. With one hand on my breast and a teasing my nipple he reaches between my legs. He rubs a finger between my fold and touches my clit. I release the breath I was holding. He is now circling his finger on my clit. Runs his finger down and glidea it into my pussy. stroking in and out he raises to kiss. He still has one hand on my breast and is fingering my pussy. He slides his finger out and goes back to circling my clit. Then back down to my pussy but this time he slides in two fingers and moves his thumb to rub my clit. Im so close now, but I dont want it to be over so soon. I touch my hand to his pushing him in harder. He slides his fingers out and pushes in three. He continues until I cum on his hand and Im breathless. He gently pushes me down so I am sitting on the bench in the shower. I take his dick into my hand and stroke up and down. I can see the cum on the tip and I lick it off. I stroke as I suck the tip into my mouth. I take in more as I run my tongue along the veins. I pull out and suck stroking at the same rhythm and pace. He puts his hands in my hair and makes a fist. Gently helping guide me to his wants. He can feel him tense and I know he is close. I suck his dick into my mouth one last time as deep as I can take him. He pulls out and I stand. He turns me so I am facing the wall. Lift my leg onto the bench and I can feel him at my entrance. He pushes into me and puta one hand on my shoulder while the other runa down my back gently pushing me forward to bend over. With both hand on my hips he thrust into my pussy an stops rubbing up my back as he pulls out and pushing in as he rubs back down. He continues slow but thrust in harder each time. I push back into him wanting and needing more. Then faster and harder until I cum on hs dick as he cums inside of me. He runs his hands up my back to my shoulders and pulls me back up to him. He wraps his arms around my shoulders holding me. For awhile we just stand there with the water running over us. He then whispers in my ear thank you baby girl and turns to pick up his clothes. I continue to let the water run over me. Je goes to leave and I step forward out of the water. He kissed me again with a hand on my cheek and tells me to lock the door behind him and finish my shower. I finish my shower. Wondering what the fuck I just did. Is this what my life has turned into? A one night stand. A meaningless fuck in the shower? There was not enough soap or shampoo in the world that could erase what just happened. A small part of me couldnt help but smile. I felt wanted and desired. That was the nice part. I had no regrets. I dreased and opened the door. I felt his hand grab mine. Jaxon had waited for me. We walked back to my campsite in silence. H let go of my hand and said goodnight. I walked back to the campfire and sat in my chair. Oddly my thoughts were empty. The voices in my head that usually tell me Im fucked up is silent. The fire died out and it waa ggetting chilly. I went and laid down to sleep. Sleep came quickly.