Road To The Red State

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Summary

When Paul gets word that his adoptive grandma has been kicked out of her retirement home for "unspeakable actions," it's up to him and his long-suffering boyfriend Ruben to head on a road trip to rescue her. Of course, whats a road trip without your chaotic roommate stowing away in a duffel bag without your knowledge? Allow the hilarity, and heartfelt queerness, to ensue!

Status
Ongoing
Chapters
1
Rating
n/a
Age Rating
16+

Pages 1 - 20

Visuals: Paul, asleep in his bed with a bagel by his side, suddenly awoken by his phone alarm.

Visuals: Paul reaches for his phone, takes a look at it, and falls back into his pillow before wrapping himself in a blanket and sitting on the edge of the bed.

Paul: Just another day in paradise. *Crunch, as he eats his bagel.*

Visuals: Paul in the kitchen, making his coffee. He takes a cup to the dining room, where Linny is screaming out the window at a neighbor.

Linny: Well I've got two terabytes of you having winky time with the mailman, Hogarth! And you know I've got your wife on speed dial, so whats it gonna be?!

Oh, morning Paul!

Paul: Your agenda looks mild today.

Linny: Yeah, apparently Mr. Brown has a little problem with the THIRD AMENDMENT!

Paul: Did you catch Ruben leaving for work this morning?

Linny: You mean did I get lectured on harassing the HOA this morning?

Paul: I'm guessing yes?

Linny: I like to get a head start on tormenting useless authority figures.

Paul: *Sigh.* Nobody told me how exhausting being a house boyfriend is. I just woke up but already I'm thinking about what I've gotta get done today.

Visuals: Linny walks by him, the light turns on.

Paul: Laundry, dinner prep, vacuuming, shopping, coming home and actually making the dinner?

I'm telling you, AI is replacing the wrong jobs. Get one of those maid bots working without destroying the house and I'd totally drop a grand on one.

Visuals: Linny, dragging a statue across the dining room and towards the window.

Linny: They're a lot more than a thousand bucks.

Paul: Well if they're not affordable I may as well hire someone!

Linny: You could hire me.

Paul: You'd break more shit than the robot would.

Visuals: Linny is attempting to slingshot the statue out of the window.

Linny: I know you're right, but I'm still offended.

Visuals: Paul is fully dressed and doing laundry in the living room.

Paul: I just don't get why there's so much more housework now than when I lived with Grammy. I mean, the woman could barely walk. I didn't think she did that much around the house.

Visuals: Linny is on the floor doing something incomprehensible to mankind.

Linny: Yeah, real mystery.

Paul: With Grammy I didn't even have to worry about food. Even without hands, she managed to cook us dinner almost every night.

Linny: She didn't have hands?

Paul: Well, fingers. She had hands, but no fingers.

Linny: Oh, okay. Makes sense.

Visuals: Paul is pushing a shopping cart, in which Linny, covered in groceries, sits at the bottom of.

Paul: And the thing is, I always offered. I asked her how the hell she managed to get food not only in the oven but out of it, and she just said "I'm capable, Sonny."

Linny: Maybe she was a witch.

Visuals: Paul grabs a bottle of ketchup.

Paul: She was a sweet old lady. Batshit crazy, but sweet.

Visuals: Linny is walking up to a red haired woman at a checkout counter.

Linny: Excuse me miss, I can take you on that register over there.

Visuals: The woman walks away and Paul pushes the cart forward.

Linny: Can you believe people keep falling for that?

Visuals: Paul is pushing the cart full of now bagged groceries home with Linny inside.

Paul: Oh well, thats life, I guess. You grow up and you realize how much you took other people for granted.

Linny: Yeah, that'll probably be me when I grow up.

Paul: What are you talking about? We're both in our thirties.

Linny: You could either stop reminding me or start taking breathing for granted next!

Linny: Auuugh! I'm so hungry, can't we stop for food?

Paul: We JUST picked up stuff for dinner.

Linny: Dinner is hours away!

Paul: You can make a sandwich.

Linny: I hate cooking!

Paul: It's a sandwich, hardly culinary arts!

Linny: But I want tacos!

Paul: We have food!

Linny: I'll show you my feet!

Paul: I don't wanna see your feet!

Linny: That was a threat, not a bribe.

Visuals: Linny, happy that she now has tacos.