What is your opinion?
Wow!
"First off the ball, I can say that this 'devil' is one nasty piece of work! Second, he sure likes 'his' women! This story reminds me of American Psycho (the novel). It's an eye-opener, and not one for those who have nervous disorders. It's well written, striking, and to the point. It also brings the whole 'God' thing into the foreground. Obviously, you can't have one without the other. One thing I did notice: Right at the start you have put 'breath' when I think you mean 'breathe.' Aside from that, well done. It's a proper scare story."
Interesting idea
"The author has created an interesting idea that plays on your fear that you aren't always in control of your actions. Lots of foul language and gore with an interesting twist at the end. If you like violent horror then give this a go."
Chilling!
"Not only does this story scare you, but it makes you feel, more than any other story does, that it could be you. The victims are innocent, but there is no way for them, let alone the people they killed, to know that."
Chilling Story Told at a Slight Remove
"Overall, I liked the approach of this story and the nasty first-person narrator, whose character is really the plot of the story. It's a great idea, and the author does a good job of showing how easily humans are manipulated into acts of wanton cruelty and sadism, which the narrator delights in for his personal thrills. The author even makes an attempt to make this historical fiction, showing how long these 'puppet masters' have been among us, leading us on (and indeed, perhaps they are making us read this very book, as the Epilogue suggests!). My only criticisms would be a certain sameness that settles into the narrative by the second chapter. The narration is a little unvarying, written in the same sentence structure (usually short, clipped sentences and fragments) which makes the tone a little monotonous. Also, since everything is simply re-told by the narrator, we don't get a sense that any of the events are happening but are simply being recounted for us. It would be interesting for the story to dissolve into a scene where the narrator suddenly becomes a character or an observer, and the characters seem to spring to life, using their own dialogue and points of view. Since the same basic events of cruelty and degradation are repeated throughout, this would be a nice way to shake things up and make us experience the horror first hand, rather than at a remove. I know the subject matter lends itself to explicit subject matter, but some of it seems here purely for shock value (maybe an overuse of the word 'cunt', perhaps). Others will probably feel very differently, so I only mention it in passing. Still, it's a powerful story that I think just needs a variation in tone and a greater emphasis on the horror of the events: not simply with sex and violence, but making us feel the pain of his 'toys.' Another edit can bring this out, and catch a few typos I found throughout the document ("prey" for "pray," etc)."
Dayum...
"Wow, talk about messed up. The first two chapters really got me hooked. The concept is cool and explains why lots of people have psychotic breaks for no reason. That being said, it kind of takes away all responsibility from humans of every evil action they've done. No one could be held accountable for what they'd done, least of all by God, because the devil literally made them them do it. They couldn't fight it and didn't have a choice. Doesn't that take away their free will too, that the demon claims they do have? Still an awesome idea, it just doesn't quite fit with just morality, or religious morality, which this story seems to be based around. The beginning and ending are very well done and thought out, but chapters five and six are mainly just torture porn, not really scary so much as just gross. The ending would have been truly terrifying if the chapters leading up to it had been just a tad more subtle and geared toward the demon's methods of breaking people down, or by making them do little things at first, tiny sins everyone does.before moving on to the heavy stuff. It's hard to convince somebody they could become a serial killer in moments, but a cheating spouse, a thief, or just generally mean person. That would scare me more, the idea of a demon slowly changing me from the inside out with the little sins that lead to bigger ones later. Just an idea. I think you should've called it "The Devil Outside", or "The Devil Above", since the demon is looking down on the humans from the air, at least he seemed to be, until later when he was just walking around with them. Plus it would subvert the trope."
