First To Last Look

January\14\2010

A notification popped up at the top of my screen as I was looking at old photos of me and my older brother. The notification was a text from my mom saying, “When you get home, I want you and your brothers to meet my new boyfriend.” I rolled my eyes at the text; I’m not surprised at the fact she has a new boyfriend; my mom is a whore. I was already annoyed at the fact that those fuck-ass guys were talking shit about me, but who am I to say shit? I’m a fucking loser who stayed back because I’m a fucking dumbass. I had some friends and a girlfriend before I became what I am now.

My name is Cari, I guess you could call me emo, and I’m 14.

I’m the oldest out of everyone in the grade because I had stayed back in the 7th because I had really bad grades, I lost my girlfriend and friends, and then I got made fun of for changing my appearance.

I finished texting my mom, and the classroom door opened.

I thought it was the teacher, so I paid no attention. I looked up for a second, it wasn’t the teacher. It was a random girl, probably new. I got a second look; she was gothic, she’s pretty compared to the other girls. After she sat down, the teacher came in right after. I wasn’t paying attention at all of what the teacher was saying, I was still on my phone.

After the end of class, the dumbass teacher called out to me out loud.

She said, “Cari, can you stay after class?” I felt the eyes of people looking at me. I mumbled under my breath, “Alright, cunt.” I put my phone away since the battery was low. Everyone was getting their things to leave as I sat there like a bitch.

When everyone left, she sat on my desk and turned her head to me. I looked up at her. “I need you to pass this next test. Me and the other teachers looked at your grades and they’re really bad, you need to at least pass this test, so you pass the grade.” She said to me. I really didn’t care if I stayed back again. I’ve done it once. I could care less about my future. What is there in life? I don’t know what my future will be or my future wife or even kids. Hell, I don’t even know if I will have all that, might be dead before thirty or maybe even twenty.

She kept talking about grades and how I stayed back already and I could stay back again. I ignored her. After hell, she let me leave. I left first then she left after. I walked to my locker thinking of the drugs I will be taking later. My locker is filled with different drugs; thank the devil the school doesn’t check my locker. Suddenly, I get pulled into an empty classroom. I say to the person with an annoyed tone, “What the fuck?” I was already annoyed at the teacher and everyone else, I don’t need another person fucking more up.

I looked at the person; it was the new bitch. “Sit,” she told me as she pulled a chair. I sit down and look at her. I examined her outfit; she wore a long black skirt, a corset that wrapped around her waist (didn’t look tight), a short-sleeved shirt that showed her cleavage, and black boots. Her hair was down; it was straight and dark; she also had bangs. Her makeup was simple compared to other girls. Eyeliner and dark red lipstick (I’m not good with makeup, so I really can’t tell if she had anything else on.) She looked hot.

I watched her as she placed her hands on her hips as she spoke, “I heard the teacher speaking to you and what she said.” Never knew the new girl would be obsessed with me already, how surprising. I joked, “So you’re stalking me, is that right?” I raised my eyebrow as I continued, “We just met and you’re already in love with me?” I smirk at my joke because I thought it was funny. Apparently, she didn’t like my joke because she rolled her eyes and basically scolded me. “Shut the fuck up, you’re lucky I’m going to help you in math, because then you can’t graduate to high school.” I kind of got offended by what she said. She didn’t know shit about me. Why should I let some new girl talk shit about me to my face? “My bad, swagger.” I said to her, she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She said, “Okay, I have to go to my next class. After school I will wait for you so we can walk to my house.” Before she could leave, I stopped, “Wait,” I spoke softer so I could get more info. “Why are you helping me?” She looked at me and answered, “Good question.” She walked away before I could ask what she meant. I followed out of the classroom right after.

I watched her walk down the hall to her next class. I yell to her, “Later swagger!” Then I went to my locker. A boy walked up to me; it was the boy that makes fun of me. He said to me, “Hey emo. What’s with you and the new goth girl?” I rolled, “Nothing, she’s nothing to me.” Maybe I lied, maybe I didn’t, who knows? He came closer to me. I closed my locker and faced him. He said to me, “Were you two fucking in that empty classroom you two walked out of? I might bag her, hope she’s good.” I pushed him and defended myself, “Shut the fuck up. We weren’t doing anything!” He smiled at me, “Weirdo.” He walked off. I then left for history class.

After school, I was in the stall smoking and masturbating. I was a bit high and horny. I would say my dick was about 11-12 inches when hard. After blowing a lode on the stall door, I didn’t bother cleaning up my semen and I took my cigarette pack and cocaine then left.

I walked out the school doors, then I saw her; the new girl. We walked to her house. As we walked, she talked to me. Her name was Eliana. “Eliana,” I said in my head, “Pretty name for a pretty lady.” I took some glances of her exposed cleavage.

Her house was big on the outside; it was two stories, made out of white planks with a roof that had dark clay tiles. Her house looked better than mine. She said to me while heading inside, “We are only studying, nothing else.” I nod. We head upstairs to her room. I looked around her room; it was way better than mine. Hers was cleaner, but mine was cooler, duh. She had a couple of posters in her room (I had more), she had some kind of makeup desk thing (I don’t know what it’s called), and those princess beds I see in movies. She caught me examining her room, I just stared at her like nothing happened.

I wanted to ask what the desk was called, but I didn’t want to seem really stupid. I’m already dumb enough. We sat down at the makeup thing; she sat on the chair, and I just stood on my knees. Fractions, percentages, algebra, etc. All the things she ‘taught’ me was hurting my brain. Instead of listening and learning, I just stared at her tits. She never noticed.

After some time, there was nothing to do. Eliana asked me what I wanted to do, I just shrugged. I didn’t know. She grabbed a bag from one of the cabinets. I raised an eyebrow at the sight. Eliana turned to me, “May I do your makeup?” I already had eyeliner on, so I didn’t know what she was planning to do. But I nodded. She did a small cheer and pulled me up on the chair. She stood in front of me and took out an eyeliner pencil and liquid liner. She put my head on her chest, and I got a really good look of her tits before closing my eyes.

I couldn’t tell what she was doing, I could only feel the eyeliner or whatever she was using on my face. I’m not used to people doing my makeup, I’m the only person that does it. I do everything by myself.

After she was done, I looked in the mirror and looked at what she did. Eliana is pretty good at makeup, I wonder how she got so good. We laid on her bed and talked. We didn’t look at each other as we talked, we just laid there staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, we heard a car pull up in the driveway. I looked at her; she looked kind of scared, I don’t know why. She looked out the window then turned back to me. I was about to ask what happened, but before I could say anything she panicked and told me, “Hide in the closet, now!” I quickly hid in the closet. The closet had those shade things on the door, but I still could see shit.

I stayed quiet as I heard the bedroom door open. I slowly hid myself in her clothes. I heard someone–an older man–say, “Eliana! You know I hate when you have makeup on. I don’t know why I even bought that vanity and makeup shit for you, I’m so stupid.” I can tell by his voice that he smokes cigarettes. I’m guessing the man was her dad. Eliana apologized to her dad. I was confused; why did she sound almost scared of the man? What is the story behind her and her father? “Look at me when I’m talking to you!” Her father damned. I could just imagine the scene happening right now. I wanted to step in, but I didn’t want to make it worse.

I then just heard muffled whispers, until I heard yelling. Her dad yelled, “Stop fucking lying! I know you have a boy over!!” “How did he know she had a boy over?” I thought until I looked at my feet–my shoes were off. My blood went cold when I realized he probably saw my shoes. My heart dropped when he opened the door. My heart was pounding so loud I could feel it through my ears. He didn’t spot me. I heard something that made me realize how fucked up this guy. He said, “If I ever catch you with a boy, I will kill you and burn your body, do you hear me!” He then left.

As soon as he left, I came out the closet. I see Eliana on the floor crying. I kneeled down and held her close. Her head rested on my chest as she cried. She told me, “You need to go home. If my father sees you, we’re both dead.” I really didn’t want to leave her, but I just nodded and helped her off the floor. Eliana tells me to leave through the window, and I make my way there. Before jumping, I look back at her crying face. The first real look of her was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen. Her crying face and running mascara was killing me. Even though I didn’t want to leave her, I jumped down and left.

I walked home alone, heartbroken, and scared–scared for Eliana. I take out a pill bottle from my pocket and swallow a pill. I then smoked a cigarette. When I got home, the house was dark and silent. I see the shoes of a man and I say to myself, “I guess I was too late to the party to see the newcomer.” I roll my eyes as I make it to my room.

My room was filled with posters of Panic! At the disco, Fallout boy, Escape the Fate, etc. Clothes on the floor, drugs on my dresser, my electric guitar on the wall, and black hair dye boxes and stains everywhere (my hair is naturally blonde.) Take off my shirt and throw it on the floor. I grabbed my pill bottles and took pills, then I snorted cocaine and weed. My mind on one thing, Eliana. I sat on my floor and whipped out my hard-ass dick. On Twitter, I watched porn and jerked off. I was zoned out on the screen. I looked down at my dick, it felt like my tip was looking straight at me. I then blew a lode on my stomach, then passed out on my floor not even bothering to put my dick back in my pants or even turning off the porn on my phone.