Chapter 1
I started as this is the finishing line or so there is always something to write about. This is not the finishing line there is so much I discovered must tell everyone who is my father? Who is playing ping pong with my head and masking it as the reality of this world?
The house is haunted it is haunted and evil and the snake's breath inside the humans making them as evil. The devil does not ride out it makes the human a part of the evil.
No one born in that house survived whole and secure they had to give it up and leave level to the ground. Otherwise, the evil entered them.
Gold believed this and went to the small garden house and spent the rest of the life inside its abode. But the big house knew murders too and then it spat it out through the world.
As childish laughter's died and died again the whole world came crashing as human sacrifices of kids became the normal.
"Kids are innocent and they go to heaven and they don't become hell."
Illegitimate that is what I am a woman with no reality or name.
I changed my surname not by deed poll but just by ignoring the name. No court no nothing I disliked the circumstances of being named Sadi and said so as I found out who he was. Marquise de Sade and then I wept I had got it bad the name was bad.
In the world such as today we all have a birth certificate a mum whom we love and of course our fathers who love us and mend their ways to make ours possible and rich.
"Everything belongs to me."
"We got the lot."
"Such a lot of fun you all had."
My father had the worst of it. He did not like to pay a bill. But when courting some idea or deal he is generosity itself. Here have a million?
I did not have such a father. He was almost a kid as I was, and I was always in the wrong because he placed his wants and not my own.
"Here another million?"
"Costs us that much money to vote that man out of office?"
"Who needs a democracy we all have the power."
The house we were born in was unlucky gave up monsters. It seeped inside us all and madness set in. In the end what did it matter when even the honest Em had to dig the walls for food?
In the cobbled street there were five or six homes afflicted with the curse.
We would come to blows debating whose family had it worst. We had made lemons out of it made lemonade life throws so many bad things and kids know.
The street was crowding with more kids and that was a little frightening for me. I still could outrun them but knew one day they would deal with me as they had with Sema and Semra.
"Both sisters now prostitutes."
"But respected and with friends."
"Family connections?"
Love is blind as my eyes were half blinded by the thoughts the feelings of them. What did it amount to there was nothing else and now everyone was fighting as if their lives depended on it. That their freedoms did and they were fighting to make the loser the slave the serving maid.
In there the cage where it all happened. The birthplace the place when things did not add up. Inside the original cage where it all began what did it matter when a cart hit a little girl? She tried to hide behind me. I left the hidden spot. I left her and she did not move.
I point the finger at him I point the fingernails at that man and she expired. Her life at seven had expired she died.
Someone threw a banana at Suleiman he had just killed a little girl. I did not understand what it meant to us all. We were ostracised we were condemned to die. Because all services were stopped shops refused to serve us and there was no way we could travel away from the house.
Justice?
"Life was so cheap and cheap lives don't matter."
She was the first kid I knew who died trying to get out of the rat race. She just hated losing her virtue and standing at some young age. I think she was eight.
I was behind her and grandfather rammed his wagon into her. I did not realise she what she had been doing. I did not. I was still in nappies.
Sema had pointed the finger and that satisfied all the crowd as they tried to close her fist. The little fist that mattered. That fist told all and as Suleiman was nearly lynched what saved him?
"This is the army go home."
And her sister came screaming as if a lost ghoul has entered her.
"My sister my only sister my twin." shouts Semra in such agony she faints. i
Look it is the end of the 1950's when I was still young and did not speak much because did not know how to. I gibbered and spat out the things I said and it made no sense.
"Dad was riding the cart not granddad."
But his height was too low, so he did not see Sema as she was small too.
Suleiman took the blame because he loved him.
That Gold despised her husband at that moment and totally jerked off the marriage and allowed Abdul to come to bed and make sense of love and lust.
"The new religion."
"How to get away with stuff and live happily ever after."
"The proceeds should go to someone."
"Abdul will get the lot."
That Suleiman was nearly lynched and then the armed forces came and un-lynched him.
"He allowed his son to ride on the budgie and then let that horse run amok a little tart was killed."
"What is the world coming to."
"Now madam disperse or we will tell and take you to prison."
"My husband must be fed."
"Get lost this is a child."
"We know that it will be dealt with in courts."
"But he did it we saw it all?"
"We will have him in jail and in court before you can say anything."
Abdul had disappeared.
The damned thing was they did as they were told. In the old days the armed forces had respect. Now they fight it out.
Semra was still crying and screaming.
"Throw her some coins and we will take the whore and make a ship shape, and nothing will harm her ever again. Make sure she does not breed."
Who said that the man moved away so fast did not see him sounded like he knew us all.
"Dad?"
"No."
One died. Suleiman's cart hit her and she was in the way of him trying to control his horse. But the horse was so old how did he lose control? He had been trying to move the horse for several days why did the horse run out of control?
My dad was still a lad.
Granddad looked older and none the wiser. I made funny faces at him. But meant no harm. I did not know he would curse me forever, That Zeks would come to carry his curse.
Dad's youth was talked about as people died.
He had to eat everything and then when he could not, he threw the plates outside. Dad the little sat down to think if we were not to starve or he not to starve he would have to move next door and pretend to be a doctor.
Unlike most doctors he did not have a degree.
But he had determination.
It was a pathetic reminder of who he had been. Now he was a man he did not want to be reminded of what he had been done to.
So, he became known as the little doctor.
He had a thing about eradicating polio. So many people were cured as dad poured over books not novels medical journals as he took his job very seriously.
Dad became known as ladies doctor because he delivered many babies.
"You see no qualifications required what one does speaks volumes."
And he had the best chickens and the chicks all year round. The neighbours husband moved to the club, and he spent many happy hours with her. Then he had to fall in love with a whore a maid who he carried notes to and made passionate eyes with.
"I eat because I worked you eat nothing because you are not working."
"Yes dad."
"How old is she?" Mother Gold said.
"Below ten." Answered dad.
"Food?"
I was still young a child I had been a child more years than I could remember.
I did not want to grow up.
"Ring a ring a rose and we all fall down."
And we all did a dance. The handkerchief and all that ploy made the whole world clear.
"It was not my fault."
"Don't answer back I am father."
"So, act like it." said Gold his mother alas also mine.
"Well, you shouldn't be."
"A slap?"
"Get going girl."
I did not need to be told twice. I went straight to Auntie's welcoming table she had better food. Auntie Mess always had a chair a table for me.
The thoughts and the feelings were once I grew up; I was going to leave them all behind and take off where I did not have to see them.
I wish I wish.
One obstacle was his looks. He had not grown enough and had not even got a moustache. And the other was I. Because he disliked being reminded that he once had had a child by his mother.
"We have to get rid of it."
"I don't, see?" said Zeks.
"You wouldn't it is between us is not that true child?"
"Sure dad." I grew uncomfortable.
Parents are honoured and respected in my little room they condemned me as I grew resourceful with the pots and pans and scissors underneath my pillow. Dad may drop in and as I was hoping someone may come and make me a bride, I did not want to be contaminated with his sting.
He called it stings because life was a sting. His motto sting and move out. What was his life?
"Police were chasing him he was a big-time dealer in the making, and the police were closing in."
"They got him on a minor charge, and he safely watched as blood bath was unleashed.
The cart every time a cart passes, I remembered until a long time.
"Everyone is against me." She said in despair. Gold as Gold is a mum and no longer interesting to us at all. But a mother should not be sleeping with the kids and getting pregnant. Dad totally agreed.
No one likes a loser.
The ghostly cart moves and then the little thing underneath looked so still.
"There is no hope for us at all." said Mess and there was not going to be no longer did we honour what we believed in protect children from harm and honour the old.
The crying man on the floor as he cried as he cried as his formal wife looked on with anger also his own Mother. Look this is not a crazed woman. The man crying on the floor the double of Dad?
"My twin." he said in bliss.
Crocodile tears.
I am someone who was there as I looked on; I was puzzled why was the man on the floor crying?
Crocodile tears tearing me apart and Gold said speaking to him, " It was all your doing your fault if only you left it alone."
Speaking non-stop and nobody daring to enter the little spot in there nobody came in or out. We were privileged to be private. Then a nurse came in and took me away.
"Still a child."
"They don't listen to me. The house a tip and they hate me."
Gold's house was an away day for mice and vermin.
The chief rat was kneeling there. Crying.
That Gold was old and getting on and as the floored man was in tears too, I did not know what to do?
Romantic somehow it was sexy.
The situation was dire and there were no answers. I begin the story when my youth ends. I was seventeen not a dancing queen. The man on the floor was my dad also the doctor.
Did she know who the little doctor was? I think she did. I think she did. There is not enough in this space to make it my own writing. I have too many things going wrong as it is. Just calm breath and then work along what had happened?
In his double life he was also a doctor.
Because he was always studying, he had a book always on hand and his memory was identic and he never forgot a fact.
He never forgot a face or when he heard a scrap of conversation. He would remember that and act on it. In his line of work of spy, it was a godsend.
Name suited him. Everything suited him.
