Shadowed Memories (Preview)

Behind closed doors, in the doctor’s office, Susannah took a seat as instructed and glanced around the room at the framed documents running down the side of a large abstract painting. There was a certificate that told her the doctor was indeed a certified psychologist, unless the piece of paper was somehow a fake. As the thought of the experience a coworker had ran through her mind, of a man who posed as a doctor while secretly stealing and selling off photographs of his patients, the corner of her lips twitched involuntarily. She brought her hand to her cheek to stop the tick when she caught the doctor watching her from the corner of her eye. “Of course he’s watching. It’s his job to figure out what’s wrong with you and help,” Susannah thought as she turned to him.

“I haven’t gotten much sleep lately,” she said, hoping the excuse for the twitch would cover up her train of thought as her eyes went back to the license and the few awards underneath it. “What are those for?” An excuse and change of subject, the perfect way to divert someone’s attention from the tick of nervousness and skepticism. It always worked on her husband, but she had to admit that he wasn’t the brightest tool in the shed. Neither was the mayor who she worked for as a secretary. Both were a bit on the dimwitted side, but while one labored to help keep their home and little life afloat, the other had control over their town. It was funny how just a few little factors could determine someone’s walk of life. She thought, not for the first time, how things would be different if she had one dummy instead of the other, then realized that the words she’d spoken had given way to another long period of silence. She turned to the doctor.

“Doctor?” As the question left her lips her mind began to muck up. She realized why she avoided eye contact as much as possible since stepping into the man’s office. The phrase, “tall, dark, and handsome,” couldn’t fully describe his appearance. The author of one of her favorite romantic supernatural series would have probably used words along the line of, “magnetic,” and, “gravitational”. Susannah’s cheeks flushed and she struggled to keep her eyes on him, as if he would see the images that rang through her mind if she turned away.

“Experimental stuff,” the doctor replied. Susannah gulped and could feel her cheeks grow hotter.

“What’s that?” she asked, barely able to move her lips.

“Those awards,” the man nodded at the frames on the wall, “are from my research and assistance in a few experimental procedures. One was a method of alleviating PTSD, mostly in soldiers who experienced extreme trauma while in the line of duty. The other is for my research into the effects of various levels of sleep when different variables, such as sleep aids, hypnotism, and hallucinogens are thrown into the mix.”

All Susannah could do to keep from saying something stupid was nod. The doctor smiled, and Susannah could swear that her heart skipped more than a few beats from the sight of it. She found herself smiling back goofily.

“Lay back and relax,” the doctor said. As Susannah followed his instructions she heard the sound of paper being flipped through. “It says here that you aren’t currently taking any medications.”

“That’s right.” Susannah wiggled around a little, getting more comfortable. “I used to take anxiety meds, but that was years ago.” The cushions hugged her like a lover caressing her to sleep. They were so warm that she had to look around to see if the seat was hooked up to a power-outlet like a heated blanket.

“Do you drink coffee?”

“Everyday,” she replied.

“How many times a day?”

“I’ll usually have anywhere from three to five cups. It depends, really.”

“Depends on? Stress? Workload?”

“A bit of both I guess. And I get these migraines sometimes. The real killer kind that makes the lights, ringing phone, and my boss’s voice unbearable.”

“He does have quite a booming tone, doesn’t he? Especially when people criticize the way he runs this city.”

Susannah smiled but then raised an eyebrow at the doctor. She hadn’t put down any information about her job, so how would he know who she was talking about?

“Your friend who recommended me, Jeanine, told me about him. Said she wouldn’t be surprised if working for our gung-ho mayor was what’s killing your sleep and fueling your nightmares.”

“Oh gosh, what else has she told you?” Susannah asked the question in jest, but in the back of her mind she made a note to chew Jeanine out. It’s not like she had much sway in the way things went on in the mayor’s office, but people who found out who she was the secretary for tended to view her in a different light. They became critical when it came to everything she said or did after finding out, or they tried to act chummy with her, to siphon out the secrets of the big office, or possibly try to get a good word put in with the mayor.

“She told me that maybe I could try my hand at swaying you away from conceiving a child with your husband,” the doctor replied, following it up with a little chuckle that was both pleasant and unnerving.

“That’s a bit personal, don’t you think?” Susannah whispered. For a while now her husband was pushing her to give him a kid. He wanted a strong little boy to toss a ball around with, and to carry his genes on into the next generation or so. After being together for two years, and with their separate lifestyles, she just didn’t feel quite ready to have a little-one running around the house, shitting himself up and painting the walls with his own feces. Is that peanut butter on the couch, or a massive slathering of squishy-poop?

“It is, it is,” the doctor nodded, “and that’s exactly what I told her, and we won’t talk about it or mention it again unless I end up feeling that it could be a part of your sleep problem.”

“Sounds good,” Susannah nodded.

“The first thing that I like to do with my patients is get them nice and relaxed,” the doctor said, smoothing out his voice into a more calm and soothing tone while he made his way around Susannah. She kept her eyes glued on him and felt like she was falling into a trance. The warmth of the cushions, the words streaming down to her as if from a cloud floating along a gentle breeze, the breathtaking appearance of the man making his way around her, these factors were layered into each other, causing Susannah to fall deeper into a state of relaxation.

“Close your eyes, Susannah,” the doctor whispered. He didn’t have to say it twice. Susannah’s lids felt like they were weighed down with lead. She let them fall slowly so that for a few seconds she could see the blurred silhouette of the doctor walking across her line of sight, melding into the darkness.

“Yes, that’s it,” he whispered. “Now, give me permission to get inside of your head.” Susannah nodded sluggishly which made the doctor let out a low chuckle. Susannah struggled to open her eyes. She wanted to see the brilliance of the doctor’s face with his lips twisted up in a smile again, before she could fade off to sleep, which she felt was inevitable and unavoidable. It was like he was casting a spell on her.

“Say it out loud,” he whispered in one ear, then suddenly in the other, “tell me that you will allow me into your mind.”

“I allow you into my mind,” Susannah said, and with her last bit of strength she managed to open her eyes enough to see the doctor’s silhouette again, only now there were two odd protrusions curling out from his head, and something trailed behind him like a scarf, but then her eyes were sealed shut and there was only the sweet embrace of sleep.