Chapter 1: Awakening
In the dead of a midwinter night, the howling blizzard filled Ji Hanyi’s ears, mingling with the sharp, incessant flapping of the carriage curtains.
Ji Hanyi squinted, her frost-stiffened fingers prying open the frozen fabric of the curtain to gaze into the thick, snowy darkness. The sound of approaching hoofbeats was muffled by the wind, but she heard them nonetheless.
A soft, fragile voice drifted from behind her. “Cousin-in-law, will Cousin come to fetch us?”
Hanyi let the curtain fall. She didn’t answer, merely closing her eyes in exhaustion.
She knew he would come. No matter how fierce the storm, he would be here.
She hadn’t wanted to accompany Li Mingrou to the Hot Spring Manor today, but he had insisted. “Hanyi, you are Mingrou’s cousin-in-law. She suffers from a chronic chill; it is only right that you look after her.”
His voice had been cold and detached as he arranged everything, leaving no room for argument.
On their return journey, however, the heavy snow had blocked the roads. A wheel had cracked, leaving the carriage stranded halfway. The driver had ridden back to deliver the news nearly two hours ago. Xie Yuheng would be arriving soon.
The hoofbeats grew louder, drum-like against the rhythm of the wind, sounding increasingly urgent. Finally, a horse neighed, and a warm, worried voice called out from outside the carriage: “Mingrou.”
The curtain was swept aside, and a slender, elegant hand reached in.
Ji Hanyi looked down at that hand. It was clear it had not reached out for her.
Beside her, Li Mingrou let out a choked, tearful sob. “Cousin, you’re finally here.”
Mingrou placed her delicate fingers into that large hand. Perhaps out of fear, she threw her pink-clad figure forward like a butterfly. Her soft weeping in the snowy night carried the warmth of a lingering spring, drawing one into her sorrow.
Hanyi watched silently as the slender fingers resting on the girl’s back paused for a moment before pulling her into a tighter embrace. Immediately after, a thick fox fur coat was draped over Mingrou’s delicate shoulders.
Hanyi averted her eyes, looking instead at the other curtain. The wind whipped it about, sending flecks of snow against her cheek. She could no longer feel the cold. She simply tucked her frozen fingers deeper into her sleeves.
Li Mingrou wept in Xie Yuheng’s arms for a long time before his gentle coaxing finally calmed her. Then, he carried her out of the carriage.
Hanyi heard Mingrou’s voice through the wind, still trembling with sobs. “But... what about Cousin-in-law?”
The man’s reply was swallowed by the storm. Ji Hanyi didn’t catch it, but it didn’t truly matter. She simply pulled her cloak tighter, staring silently at the swaying glass lamp inside the carriage as it cast fragmented shadows across her lap.
Soon, the curtain was lifted again. A noble, refined face appeared before her. It was the first time he had spoken to her tonight.
“The carriage sent to fetch you was blocked by snowdrifts. I could only ride ahead on horseback,” Xie Yuheng said. “Mingrou has always been sensitive to the cold, and this ordeal has frightened her. The horse can only carry one other person, so I will take her back first.”
“Wait a little longer. The carriage will be here for you soon.”
Ji Hanyi nodded understandingly. She asked no questions, only saying, “Very well.”
The man’s face flickered in the dim, wavering light of the lamp. He looked at Hanyi’s calm expression, then at her huddled form and pale skin. His steps faltered as he turned to leave.
He looked back at her and added an explanation: “I could only bring one fox fur coat. You are her cousin-in-law; I must ask you to endure this grievance for now.”
Hanyi had heard such words many times since marrying him. It was as if being his wife naturally meant she was born to endure grievances.
Had it been years ago, she might have questioned him then and there: Who exactly is your wife?
But back then, Xie Yuheng would have only met her gaze with an even colder stare. He wouldn’t have argued or explained a word more. He would have simply used that ice-pick stare to pierce her until she was raw, making her feel like a hysterical, unreasonable madman.
Now, Ji Hanyi was too weary to even ask. Questioning him was pointless; he still wouldn’t take her with him. As his wife, she had never been important to him.
“Go on then,” she said, nodding tiredly. “Mingrou is waiting for you on the horse.”
As she spoke, she saw Xie Yuheng’s brow furrow. He watched her with a complex, unreadable gaze. Hanyi closed her eyesnot for any particular reason, but simply because she had nothing left to say.
Xie Yuheng pursed his lips, said nothing more, and let the curtain fall.
Soon, the sound of hoofbeats rang out outside the carriage before fading into the wind and snow.
Beside her, the maid Rongchun spoke in a distressed voice. “How can the Master leave Madame here alone? Does he truly have no concern?”
Hanyi slowly leaned her weight against Rongchun’s shoulder. She looked down at the charcoal heater by her feet; only a few stray sparks remained. As she exhaled a breath of cold air, she realized she was actually starting to like this desolate quiet.
“Rongchun, I’m going to sleep for a while,” she whispered.
The moment she closed her eyes, she saw herself as she was three years ago.
It was early autumn. She had waited outside Xie Manor for a long time until Xie Yuheng finally appeared. She had run to him, clutching their marriage contract, her heart pounding even as she forced herself to look up with feigned composure.
“I am the daughter of the Ji family,” she had said. “I have come to ask... does our engagement still stand?”
She had just reached the age of majority then, and it was the only time in her life she had ever been so bold. She had been so nervous her palms were sweating, terrified of the outcome.
At that time, her father had already been imprisoned and Ji Manor had been seized. The family was like a falling tree with the monkeys scattering; those who once flocked to their gates now only sought to kick them while they were down.
Though she and her mother had been spared from implication, they were living as dependents with her mother’s declining maiden family. If Xie Yuheng had chosen to go back on the marriage, no one would have blamed him.
It was only human nature, after all; things were no longer what they once were. Even Ji Hanyi had prepared herself to tear up the marriage contract on the spot if he refused.
Xie Yuheng was already well-known in the capital then. He had entered officialdom at a young age and was considered a man of impeccable character, like a clear moon. Countless women from noble families in the capital longed to marry him. He was not lacking for better prospects.
She had been about to tell him that if he was unwilling, she would destroy the contract and act as if it never existed, and she wouldn’t hold a grudge.
But Xie Yuheng had agreed.
Hanyi had forgotten what his expression was like then. She only remembered his voicewarm and slow, bringing a sense of “offering charcoal in the snow” to that cooling autumn day.
He had said, “Since it was the command of our parents, the engagement naturally stands. I shall have my mother visit your home shortly to discuss the wedding date.”
At that time, Hanyi thought she had found the man she would spend her life with. She believed this man, who was willing to help her in her darkest hour, would treat her as well as her father had treated her mother. She thought she finally had a home again.
It turned out the “virtuous man” she thought she found had only married her to preserve his own reputation. His heart had belonged to someone else all along.
In the midst of the snowy winter, she turned away as if waking from a long, muddled dream, only to meet a pair of disappointed eyes from her own memories: Look closely. This is the husband you chose.
Another bone-chilling gust of wind tore through the thick curtains, startling her awake.
Ji Hanyi snapped her eyes open and looked at the charcoal that had long since burned out. Her frozen fingers no longer had the strength to stir them.
She remembered when she was fourteen, visiting her father in prison for the last time. He had held her hand with the same loving grip and spoke slowly. “Hanyi, don’t cry. There is no absolute right or wrong in this world, and no absolute good or bad.”
“The tides of the court rise and fall. Those who win may not win forever, and those who lose always have hope for a resurgence.”
“Do not resent, do not worry, and do not obsess.”
“Let go of the past, and always move forward.”
Ji Hanyi looked at the snow falling outside the curtain.
She suddenly realized that only by ending this marriagewhich had remained frozen in a permanent wintercould she truly move forward, just as her father had said.
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