Shelter in the Boy I Forgot

~Prince~

*sometime after school ninth grade*

“So, then Mr. Edwards just looked at him for like a whole minute before he leaned in and was like ‘and do you think that’s going to get you very far in life Mr. Francis’ and fuck it if Prince didn’t look him square in the eye and laugh before telling him yes!” Kev’s voice cracked out echoing in the concrete and cinderblock hellhole that was the underside of the bleachers in May.

I sighed as my friend recounted the encounter with Mr. Edwards like it was something to be proud of, like I was someone to look up to. I snatched the blunt from between his fingers and took a hit wrinkling my nose as the taste of the fucking dirt weed.

“Fuck.” I coughed hammering my fist against my chest as I hacked and gagged. “dude your fucking plug is cheaping out on you. That’s not even mid man.”

Kev snorted and shook his head.

“Nah shit man, not everyone out here has gas money.” He kicked my shoe reminding me I was supposed to have bought this week, but my mom cut off my allowance again because my grades dropped by two points.

“what the fuck am I supposed to do Kev, go hookin’ my mom cut my cash because apparently a ninety-three is not a one-hundred and that shit matters on college applications.” I groan already annoyed.

“fuck yeah, find you a nice lady plug and then plug her in exchange for some smoke man!” he snorted and cackled and I only shook my head, now way in hell was I telling the guy nicknamed rooster because he was always crowin’ on about something that I’d be just fine being plugged by my plug if it came down to it.

“Anyways.” Heather interrupted looking at Kev like he’d just shit in her shoe. “what are you guys planning for summer break? We got like two days of school left.”

And they were off, everyone talking about their plans.

Hanging at the mall, part-time with a cousin’s uncles shop, vacation three states over. Then everyone paused expectantly and I glanced at them with a shrug.

“Some bougie trip to the Maldives or something with one of my moms ‘work friends’ that she swears she isn’t banging.” We all scoff and they complain for a minute about how none of their vacations require a passport and then silence falls as they leave one by one until I’m standing alone in the dusty, sweltering darkness wishing I could just stay home and go to the mall with my friends.

~

*winter break of 10th grade 3 days after Prince’s 16th birthday*

“Dude are you okay?” Kev leaned in his dark hair dropping over his eyes covering the trouble hazel orbs as he looked down at me. I rolled onto my side and plucked the blunt from his fingers and took a drag without saying a word.

“yeah, I’m fine, but your plug still sucks. Check my bottom drawer and grab a bag.” I sighed. “You know you can buy from me now right? I’ll keep your rate the same.” He settles over my hip like an oversized plush and narrows his eyes at me as I tense and shift away from him.

“no dude, seriously, we’ve known each other since you were in fifth grade and I was in seventh. I know somethings wrong. you’ve been off since the beginning of the year, but you just won’t talk to me man.”

I shift again trying to keep his weight off my lower half.

“it’s nothing Kev okay, I just- it’s fucked up alright, it’s fucked up socialite bullshit that’s going to make me sound whiny and pretentious so can we please drop it?” I begged looking at him.

It wasn’t. it wasn’t anything that would make me sound like someone to envy, it wouldn’t be something that he could just scoff at and tease me about being entitled over. But I also couldn’t stand the thought of him looking at me with pity or disgust so, I lied.

“pfft, dude, just hearing you complain at all is such a rarity that I don’t think I could judge you at all even if you told me that your mom ruined your birthday by inviting Fall out boy instead of Falling in Reverse.” He teased and I snorted.

“Okay, if she had I definitely would have complained FOB is great and all but missing out on Ronnie!” I laughed with a fake scowl and rolled to pull up my mp3s queueing up my FiR playlist.

“I can’t believe you still have one of those, and that it works.” Kev teases and the music pulses through my speakers.

I shrug and roll back on my side, staying curled up hurts less than laying stretched out.

~

*Winter break 12th grade one week after Prince’s 18th birthday*

“Hey, I won’t be back this week either, apparently mom book the resort out for another week. Something about ‘making the most of our time’. Hopefully I’ll be back before new years so we can go check out the new shit at the mall, I heard they got two new stores in.”

My voice was hoarse and shook. After almost two years of calls like this Kev didn’t even question it anymore just scoffed.

“Dude, whatever, it’s always like this. You show up when you want and disappear when it suits you with excuses in the middle. Just hit me up when you’re back and up to hang out.”

He doesn’t even say bye, just disconnects.

I sigh and set the phone down as an arm wraps around my middle and pulls me back.

“Aww, did your little friend get mad at you? Maybe you should let him fuck you when you get back hmm?” a wet kiss lands hot and sloppy on the curve of my neck drawing me back against a soft chest.

I want to cry, not because of Mitch’s portly sausage fingers groping me and spreading me open to stuff me like the Christmas turkey we enjoyed last night not anymore at least, but because Kev was giving up on me. Honestly I don’t have any tears left, I think I forgot how to cry during the summer of ninth grade when mom dropped me off with Mitch for the first time. But I want to, I want to cry for the fresh loss.

Instead, I moan. I pant and moan and beg like Mitch likes so that he’ll tip me well when mom finally comes to pick me up, and then I can treat Kevin and Heather and fuck it even Jake to some nice shit that they deserve for putting up with my mopey ass for the last three years.

~

*Senior year, just after winter break*

“Did you hear?”

“Oh, about the Prince and his royal family of professional fuckers.”

“I still can’t believe he was one of them.”

I square my shoulders and grip the strap of my messenger bag. I’d begged mom to have her lawyer transfer me. she called me Judas and hung up, and apparently the maid counted as a guardian for the school since I was 18.

“Hey, Pornstar!” an arm fell over my shoulders the weight settling like lead as the once friendly voice tears into my chest like barbs venom dripping. “You still sellin?”

A pause for maximum pain.

“Weed that is, I don’t want your ass.” Kev looked down at me, his once warm hazel eyes sharp and guarded.

“Yeah, stop by after school I’ll set you up with an O like normal.” He shoved back and I stumbled slightly wincing.

“I don’t want to stop by your house slut, just drop it in my mailbox and I’ll give you the cash in the morning.”

I forgot how to breathe, blinking slowly as I watched my now apparently ex-best friend cut me as deep as he could in the middle of a crowd.

“yeah, okay, I see how it is. Fuck it.” I growl. “Payment up front, you want the Gas it goes my way not yours otherwise you can keep hitting up Shelly and her fucking shake and oregano mixture. Oh, and since you want to be a complete fucking dick to me. market fucking price. $300 for a fuckin O. only friends get the friends and family discount.”

I spin on my heel and march of, I keep moving past home room, past my locker, past Mrs. Santonelli and her butterscotch scent, past the bathrooms where shouts and laughter rang out. I shoved out the back doors and sprinted for the sports fields slipping through the gap in the fence and abandoning my bag when the chain-link wouldn’t let it go, down the short hill to the pitch and then under the bleachers where we’d spent so many afternoons talking shit and getting high and making plans for what we’d do after we graduated.

I walk to the back, the darkest corner, tucked as far under the stone bleachers as I could get until I was curled under the lowest level dirt clinging to me as I lay there gasping softly into the mildewy dirt. The tears I used to think were gone flowing down my face as my body shook.