Existential Summer Camp
Halflings Unleashed
Volume Three
By
Michael Courtney Woodard
The room went quiet for a moment — not heavy, just respectful — before Kyle cleared his throat and tried to steer the conversation back to safer ground.
“So anyway,” Kyle said, “PS Free was a scam.”
“Wasn’t the online play streaming free?” Shirley asked, her eyes not leaving the screen.
Danny scoffed. “It was free ot begin with but you had to pay a subscription for down load content and other bonuses!’
Sam rubbed his temples. “I meant I kinda remember being a third PlayStation,” he corrected.
Kyle stared at him.
“You sound as delusional as my brother Keith.” Shirley, who had only been half listening, suddenly perked up. “You have a brother?”
“He’s the elder son Kyle Jr wanted,” Kyle said bluntly. “You met him when we were in the parking lot and the Supercab was towed!”
Shirley asked, “Who is Kyle Jr?”
Kyle sighed “ my Dad is Kyle Jr.: I’m Kyle Warner the Third.”
Shirley was even more confused this time. “You were named after your dad?”
Kyle groaned. “ names are not destinies, Shirley!”
“Why Is he delusional? What does that even mean?” Shirley wondered.
“Keith is an accountant just like Dad and my grandfather Kyle Sr.”
“And?” Sam wanted to know.
“He is Obsessed with the prices of everything. and I mean everything: especially Electronics. he doesn’t buy it personally, he doesn’t even understand it but he knows what it is going to cost to the exact tTaxable penny.”
“What… uh…. Oh never mind!” Sam surrendered. “I’m ready to watch the video Billy made for me. This very moment I’m ready.”
“You are?” Danny asked. “ are you sure? seeing that whatever it is could really throw you for a loop!”
Sam nodded, not saying a word this time. He didn’t trust himself to speak on this matter for the moment.
Shirley hugged him. then Danny and then Kyle taking turns embracing the melancholic Detective.
Sam stood up from the bed. “Since it’s a private video I’m going to watch it alone somewhere else the first time I watch it, maybe the first dozen times I watch it. and I will don’t doubt that for you in a moment. I really want to see Billy alive again.”
Sam left the room.
The others settled back down to a comfortable silence. Shirley was doing whatever she did on the laptop. Kyle & Danny were playing against each other with a pair of Atari Lynxes they were given for some reason.
“Get back here, you little shit!” Yelled Lindsay’s voice. The small boy still wearing his soiled diaper came running. He collided with the door jam on account of his blindness. Bracing the shoulder he walked into the room holding both hands up to guide him his way.
“Ivor! you are in trouble young man!” shouted Lyndsay.
“Bleach, What’s wrong little dude?” Kyle said gently. He carefully walked over to the young man and put on a reassuring arm around his shoulders. “Where is your cane?”
Lyndsay came into the room next while waving the cane wildly. “ I’m tired of this thing. He must have really good hearing.”
“Thank you for noticing, Troll Girl!” beamed Bleach.
“Don’t you ever call me that again! you don’t even know what it means to me to be called that!” Lindsay practically screamed.
“Troll Girl?” Shirley asked.
“Don’t remind me of my birth gender! When I am a troll I prefer to be called Herman!” Lindsay said quieter.
“Trolls are a dime a dozen online, Herman!” Shirley scoffed.
Bleach was led to the couch where Sam had been resting and Bleach laydown. “I don’t know why she’s mad.’
’’He peed on my shoe! Twice!” Lindsay accused him. “This would be so much easier if you weren’t blind.”
“Oh, that!” Bleach said, smiling.
“Lindsay! Don’t make him feel about his sight or lack of it!” Shirley told her as she sat next to Bleach.
“Oh you’re very pretty,” Bleach told her. “Oh, you’re pregnant, too!’
A small, white bird suddenly came flying into the room and perched on Bleach’s shoulder. “My friend is here!”
Sam came in through the door. “Thanks, kid. Always good to have a new friend.” Then he saw the bird. “Oh….”
“Hey, Sam!” Danny said. “I see you noticed the bird.”
“Sam!” Lindsay said. “Sorry I made fun of you. I just wish my dad were sensitive and caring like you….” She sniffs.
“Not like he would care if I were dead or not.”
Sam gave her a hug. She pushed away at first then latched on. “I would have been honored to have you for a daughter.”
“Can you be my Daddy-Sam?” she said. “And can I be your son, Herman?”
Kyle exhaled. “Wonderful.”
“Don’t start with me Kyle!” Herman roared.
“Yah, Herman? You want to be treated like a boy? I will deck you!” Kyle balled his fists.
Shirley sucker punched him, knocking him on his ass. “Why the hell you do that, Shirley?” asked Kyle, trying to rise from the ground.
“Kyle!” shouted a voice in the hall “Stop arguing with girls!”
“I’m not a girl!” replied Lyndsay “I’m gonna shave my damn head and paint myself green!”
Sam sighed.
A woman wearing a nightgown came into the room. Her hair was in disarray and she carried a trash bag a if it were a purse.
“MOM?” Kyle couldn’t believe she was there. 106
“Kyle, hun, when you’re done with your friends, could you help me clean my room?”
“Sure, mom,” Kyle said. He glanced at the others real quick.
“Theresa, a pleasure to see you,” Sam said. “How is divorce?”
“Samuel? Detective Samuel?” said Kyle’s mom in mock surprise. “I’m sorry you couldn’t marry Wilhelm.”
“Sam. And his name was Billy,” Sam grimaced. “I remember now. You like being called Ms Tears.”
“Proper names can be so formal,” Ms Tears nodded. “Sam?” Shirley put in. “Did you watch the Billy video?”
“Paat of it. At first I couldn’t login. I tried a few times. But then I made a new fresh account with YouTube. That turned out to be Pandora’s Box.”
“In what way?” Kyle asked.
Sam sighed. “It’s not just one video. It’s a series. Very complicated to explain. Billy wanted me to share. I won’t get into it but he says he would forever regret being the only person in my life. Only person that mattered.”
“Aren’t we important to you, Sam?” Herman asked. This could be confirmed with the troll head being worn.
“You are, Herman,” Sam nodded. “I had about six people who mattered to me a good deal before we all got stuck together. Five of those are dead…”
“Five, Sam?” Danny expressed his concern.
“Two were murdered… three of which tried to betray me after doing the dirty deeds,” Sam sighed again.
“Did they deserve it?” Kyle asked.
“Nobody deserves anything. I had to defend myself at my house…” Sam rubbed his temples. “I hope to God it was in self defense only.”
