Introduction: The Documentary
Introduction: The Documentary
Hue Jimbo: Hello world. I have a question for you. Have you ever heard of a man named America?
~ Song of America in the background ~
~ America, America, America, America ~ Continues as the documentary plays.
Hue Jimbo: I have. He is the commander and chief, the leader of the free world. He is King America!
Hue Jimbo: Formerly known as Dwight Brown, King America found himself employed out of high school in the adult entertainment industry. His popularity skyrocketed from his first debut, as many knew his nickname, the “two-footer.” He even had his own OnlyViews account, becoming notorious for collaborating with as many “entertainers” as possible.
Hue Jimbo: His net worth grew within the year, trending around the globe. With his donations and stardom, he rose to be the first man to have a net worth of quadrillion dollars—a feat many believed could only happen in “Explorer Capitalist.” He had more money than Steve Buisness and Jeff Mozo, and he never went to college. He was the man to reach fame without getting a degree, being an inspiration for all the youth to come.
Hue Jimbo: After becoming a star and an influencer, Dwight Brown decided to run for president in 20XX. Many hecklers mocked his dream, saying that he should just stay away from politics with his background. Yet he was a trending icon; many of his fans who never voted in their lives went to the ballot boxes. I didn’t even know they knew where they were, ’cause I don’t.
Lady with the mic: Mr. Brown, what would you do about our immigration problem?
King America: America’s always needed more hot people and fewer problems. I’ll let in anyone who can improve the national average.
~ Wide male praise ~
Hue Jimbo: He was very lax in his stance on immigration, winning his favor with the Democratic Party. Many Republicans question his stance, seeing a man who would give the people what they wanted.
Republican: What would you do with these immigrants? Free food!? Housing!? A higher education!?
King America: Everybody wants the American Dream. I’m just making it easier to find the gift shop. There are many simps around America who would lose their money to a hot little shortie! America! Isn’t the American dream to take money from a wealthy man and give it back to the community: yourself!
Hue Jimbo: This statement gained his favor with the feminist party; they didn’t have any ulterior motives for supporting the great King America. It didn’t take candy words and fake promises to bring King America into offices—already a better candidate than a man that sounds like Arock Alabama.
Hue Jimbo: As his first decree, he pushed a ballot that decided that he could do whatever he wanted without repercussions; a leader limited by its people is not very American. After he got the OK from his former collaborators and lovers, who slept their way through Congress, his first piece of legislation was passed.
Hue Jimbo: Before he had his ceremony, he changed his name from “Dwight Brown the Third” to “ King America the Third,” honoring his father, whom he never knew. He entered the Oval Office as a new man, becoming the legend he was destined to be.
King America: Effective immediately, every cabinet position requires at least an 8 out of 10 on the campaign trail. Democracy should have standards.
Hue Jimbo: A lot of boomer men were replaced by upcoming models throughout the entire government, causing a minor group to rally a protest.
~ One guy with a poster saying, “Government Lives Matter.” ~
Former Secretary of Defense: You can’t just replace the entirety of government jobs with hookers!
Hue Jimbo: Being a former rich man in his decline, nobody cared about this rally. Politics became much more profitable with the new rule of mud wrestling. It really empowers women to take initiative, fighting for what they believe is right.
Governor of California: We should bomb Russia! They said my ass was fat! They should have used P.H.A.T!
Governor of New York: You’ve always had a fat ass, Karren!
Hue Jimbo: As a pay-per-view exclusive, King America made a lot of money from the lonely man who needed stimulants. Taxes were lowered for the people of America. Who would’ve known that charging the people nothing to live would further his agenda? The government knew it had a better way to raise funds, making every debate; women in bikinis fighting for office. In reality, we paid more taxes, but getting a show was all that mattered for public opinion.
Hue Jimbo: The youth worried that A.I. Data centers were going to replace their jobs in a ton of fields; King America had a solution.
King America: Hey everyone of the free world; I’m King America, your Muthafuckin president! As all my followers on the internet have told me, they worry about their jobs; A.I. is ruining them! So I collaborated with the U.S. Air Force to bomb this shit out of this “nameless” ~ he said in quotations so he doesn’t get sued ~ data center!
King America: Alright! I want that thing to explode!
~ A fighter squadron laid siege to an American data center, exploding the site without warning. The explosions made a cloud of fire. ~
Hue Jimbo: Many Americans lost their lives that day; the President and many other Americans didn’t know that data centers had real people working there. At this point, America had grown numb to Americans dying on their soil from a certain orange president. It was OK, though many of the deceased were average-looking; no cause for alarm.
Hue Jimbo: Only trends wanted to cancel the President, not learning from past ones though. This is what the twenty-seventh first lady had to say.
Twenty-Seventh First Lady: Like, you all are stupid, like, does a data center engineer even make eight figures?
Hue Jimbo: Many women agreed with the main hoe said (Words the King said to describe the Twenty-seventh first lady). Women are already oppressed by a government that is already filled with them. The deceased only got a shout-out on her OnlyViews account, gaining their wages back for the community.
Hue Jimbo: Immigration had become a problem for our hero, the President. The wall wasn’t holding up against climbers, so the president came up with an idea. It was so American that a local patron agreed with his plan.
~ Patron in a rocking chair with a jar of moonshine ~
Pantron: He, he, hey— Murica.
Hue Jimbo: The day was called Judgment Day; having the Air Force and the Army join together, a feat that most would say was impossible. Tanks and bombers set their sights on the wall of hate, blowing it the F**K up.
~ Non-copyrighted robot invasion music ~
Hue Jimbo: The tanks fired shells into the wall; the bombers lined up their aim and dropped. Army and Air Force bros and bronettes drank whiskey and beer, shooting guns in the air. King America stood over a ledge as he saw the beauty of taxpayer money being used for good: letting a single manly tear flow down his cheek.
Hue Jimbo: He replaced the Wall with an even bigger wall made of black-stained concrete. He named it “The Betterer Wall of America.” It had T.V.s on each side of the walls, creating jobs and tourism for America and any world event sport. The wall became a city-state for both countries, having a net flow as big or even biggerer than California. Mexico was happy to go halvesies, as the wall was now made for profit, not hate.
Hue Jimbo: He was well liked at the beginning of his term, already making a monument that you would see in a CIV game. He wasn’t finished, though there was a problem with food being overpriced. , The administration called it the largest anti-poverty program in American history. Economists called it something else, but they weren’t invited back. Making massive public opinion higher praise. He had the money to give out. Who knew firing all the corrupt ugly people would keep the money flow in-house? The OnlyViews government officials only had the job to gloat, never needing the money in the first place: they were basically working for free; an cloat.
Hue Jimbo: Now everyone could spend thirty dollars on a McRizzles sandwich; the government was paying for it anyway. No one had to cook anymore, resorting to blowing up many supermarkets. Some damage had to be accommodated for; many forget that propane is just outside the supermarkets. College kids and people who don’t cook praised the President, solving their first world problems.
HueJimbo: Speaking of free money, he finally gave reparations to the community, giving them money they didn’t deserve. Their great-grandparents would never sniff the money they deserved, but their ungrateful children would surely use it. Many bought “Hellhorse Tacklers” ~ can’t say the actual brand, or I’ll get sued. Muscle car that everyone gets when they have money ~
Hue Jimbo: With the money that they didn’t deserve, the community came together and bought Georgia, making it a community city-state. They made “lighter” people do all the manual labor, charging sixty dollars for a plate of chicken; so nothing has changed. Please support small businesses: SPONSORED BY THE CITY-STATE OF GEORGIA!
Hue Jimbo: The problem was now supplying food to the people; farmers were taken advantage of by the Orange president. King loved chicken, so he had to make sure that the supply never dried up. He started to localize pumpkin chunking with hot people, making a reality series with Mr. Animal. All profits went to farmers’ aid, sending them money and immigrant wives. Many young men went back to wanting to become farmers, lowering the amount it cost to make almond milk; making it purchasable by the tap. The Patron came back to voice his opinion.
~Patron on the rocking chair, having two Latinas with big booties on his lap.~
Patron: Hey, hey, hey—Murica.
Hue Jimbo: People had an identity crisis, even when they could marry each other, so King America helped them too. Science was telling them they were wrong, which made them feel sad. King America is here to save the day, blowing up all third-party colleges for the people. It was all right, because all the young men went to be farmers, and the college woman went to get aid from the King—personally.
Hue Jimbo: Now he had the people telling him that digital copyright was being too invasive. The King would never let his people down, coming up with a solution.
King America: If you buy some booty on the internet, it should be some booty you can own for a lifetime.
Hue Jimbo: Wise words, Mr. President. I’m glad that you represent the free world instead of a declining old man.
Hue Jimbo: His campaign was going well until he messed up in a recent speech.
News reporter: Mr. President, what would you do if I wanted to become a man?
King America: Become? ...I thought you already picked one when you filled out the paperwork.
~ The crowd gasped ~
King America: … What?
Wolf News: Hello viewers, I’m John Smith for Wolf News, and I have to say the president has really come under fire. He assumed a man’s gender that was not the one she identifies as, making X a warzone for canceling the Commander and Chief. On to Juno.
Juno: Yes, John, I’m here at the Oval Office right now; gunfire has echoed through the night. I’m right under King America, returning fire to the community that I can’t say, or I’ll be sued.
John: Wow, Juno! is the President using a Browning M2 on his fellow Americans from his office?
~ bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang ~
Hue Jimbo: King America shot at the militia and tanks that had rainbow decals rolled through D.C. 50 BMG wasn’t going through the rainbow tanks, making him duck into cover. Once he was free, he pulled out the M-72 LAW and loaded its shells with rockets. He dual wielded the anti-tank rockets, taking out the rainbow tanks.
Juno: Mr. President! What’s your comment for the people of America?
King America: Don’t worry, little snow bunny (she’s a character from my dark fantasy; she is a white rabbit girl for lore reasons)! Schedule me for compassion after I save democracy.
~bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang~
Juno: I believe that our president is too busy for the interview. Going back to you, John!
~Missiles blow the newscast, going to the color bars with a beep.~
John: Whoa, it looks like we need a new field reporter; looking at you, Lin!
Lin (also another bunny girl from Tales of Misfits) looks over at the camera, flicking her ears and sweating from the implications.
Hue Jimbo: The #CancelAmerica trend has reached over millions of subs over the week. Everyone is saying that they would choose another president in the next election, which is years away. The President hadn’t done anything wrong—minus the returning fire and the expenditure of millions of dollars for cool s**t. We go back to his number one fan, the patron.
~ rocking on his chair with three Big Booty Latinas ~
Patron: *Shrugs* Murica.
Hue Jimbo: Having one fan won’t be enough. Reddire and Y are a scary place to get canceled in today’s society. He has a long road ahead to striving to get a second term, as he has only been in office for four months. With King, we are Americans! I wonder what the president would do to save his face from a grave error.
