Our Borrowed Time

If only i knew that a simple choice like picking a seat would tie my days to hers, i would have sat anywhere else. 

I wouldn't have talked to her in the library later that same day if i hadn't noticed her trying to chat with me earlier, as talking with people i didn't really know was always something hard for me.

Yoshida-san wasn't someone i would ever try talking to. She seemed to always be the focus of the room, dragging everyone's attention to her, even if she didn't want to; Meanwhile, i tried avoiding people's eyes whenever i could.

Seeing her pick the seat right beside mine made me deeply regret one of the only few choices i had made that morning, given that every eye in the room gazed towards her, including mine.

' As long as i don't talk to anyone and try avoiding them, i won't be noticed. ' - Was something i thought while lost in my own mind, as i hadn't expected someone like her to talk to me first in any scenario.

- " Excuse me, could you tell me what time it is? I left my phone in my locker and noticed your watch. " - Yoshida-san asked me, her voice snapping me back to reality.

Glancing at my wrist, i checked the time.

- " 8:15 " - I replied, not really wanting to, but knowing that if i didn't, i would just be seen as someone weird or mean, and that would later attract even more eyes to me.

- " So the teacher must be getting here soon, thank you! "

I didn't say anything back, and after noticing that some people were already looking at us, i had already started thinking that my plans of going unnoticed were over on the first day of school this year.

- " So, what's your name? " - She had asked, talking to me once more.

Saying to anyone else wouldn't have bothered me, but i felt annoyed that the one person that stole the spotlight was trying to chat with me, and that made me grip the edge of my desk, wishing she would just go back to talking with whatever friends she got here.

- " Sato.. " - Hoping that she would notice the annoyance in my tone, i mumbled.

- " Nice to meet you, Sato! I'm Yoshida. "

- " Are you new to the school? " - Yoshida-san followed up with.

Why couldn't she get it? Didn't she have any friends from last year to talk with? I was starting to get even more annoyed, thinking that some people were probably already thinking we were friends.

- " No, i've been studying here since last year " - I said under my breath, not talking any more to avoid her thinking i wanted to.

- " Oh, sorry! Looking at you again, i do remember seeing you around sometimes. " - Yoshida-san said just as the teacher came in.

Seeing that he had finally gotten here, i could feel relaxed and my shoulders dropped a little, as i was already uncomfortable and didn't want to chat any more with her.

' I shouldn't have brought my watch today; Maybe it'd be better if i hadn't even come today.' - I started getting lost in my own mind once again.

' Did Yoshida-san really just want to know the time? Or was she just using that as an excuse to try chatting with me expecting to befriend me? '

I tried to shake all these thoughts off by believing she really just wanted to know the time, and people only looking in my direction wasn't that big of a deal anyways.

Noticing her glance my way sometimes made my legs bounce under the desk; I was feeling anxious by thinking that she would try talking to me as soon as our 1st period ended and the teacher left the room.

Hoping that somehow that would make time go faster, i was constantly looking down at my watch to see the time. But not just wanting time to go faster, i also wanted it to slow down somehow so i didn't need to talk with Yoshida-san.

Only a few seconds after the teacher had left the room, i heard her voice once more directed to me.

- " Anyone from last year here with you, Sato? " - She asked, trying to start a conversation.

- " No one that i could call a friend. "

- " What about you, Yoshida-san? Don't you have any friends to talk to? " - I followed up with, aware that the 'uncomfortable' silence between us was probably something good for me.

Even so, i asked anyways, hoping that she would notice the 'mean' tone in my voice and leave me alone.

- " Not really, actually. Most of my friends ended up in other classes; The one person i could call close here is over there. " - She said as she turned to face her direction, but not pointing out exactly who it was.

- " Why don't you go talk to her, then? " - Once again trying to show my annoyance, i asked.

- " I'll try to later! It probably won't take long for the next class to start." - Yoshida-san said as she went back to finishing her notes on the first period's topic.

' Only 3 more minutes. ' - I thought as i looked at my watch.

Wanting to avoid any possibility that she could try and talk to me again, i laid my head flat on the cold wood from my desk and waited until the next class started.

As the teacher came back in, i could finally feel relieved and lift my head, knowing that she wouldn't try chatting in the middle of a lecture, as she looked like the 'perfect student'.

I didn't really want to pay attention to the monotone lecture the teacher was giving in front of us, but i also couldn't find anything to distract myself with, and that made me give up on the idea of looking for a distraction.

Still, i couldn't really pay attention, so i just looked in the teacher's direction not really understanding anything, hoping that time would go faster like that.

Our lunch break had just started, and i felt glad that Yoshida-san hadn't tried talking to me again in any other break between classes. Maybe she had noticed i was annoyed by her.

I stood up to go and kill some time at the library, given that i didn't have any reasons to stay in that classroom. But just as i started making my way out, i heard her voice once again and realized she probably wouldn't ever get it.

- " Won't you eat anything for lunch, Sato? "

- " I'm not hungry. " - I quickly replied, trying to end that interaction as fast as possible so i could finally have some time by myself.

- " Where are you going, though? "

- " To the library. " - Giving a short answer, i started heading to the door again.

After getting to the library, i picked a far corner to go and sit on to kill some time until lunch break ended.

' It's not like i have anything to do here too, but at least here i can be in a quiet place knowing that there are people around still. ' - I thought to myself as i sat down in that cold library

The library didn't have any major changes during our winter break after all, they only rearranged some shelves and tables. The dusty and old paper smell was still there, and the atmosphere was the same, so it felt familiar.

After a few minutes just trying to notice more small changes they made, i heard a voice behind me i wanted to hear, but wasn't really expecting to.

- " Yume! I finally found you. "

- " Hey, Hina! "

- " I went to your classroom and didn't see you there, so i thought you could be here. "

- " You know i always liked staying here. And sorry for not going to look for you too. "

- " Don't worry, i know you don't like noisy places, Yume. "

Hina was always understanding towards me. Maybe that was just how she was with everyone, being able to befriend anyone if she wanted to.

She was the only person that was still calling me by my first name.

I didn't really feel uncomfortable or had to think a lot while chatting with her, things just came and went smoothly.

- " So, have you made any new friends already? "

- " Not really, you know i'm not really good at meeting new people. What about you, Hina? "

- " I guess i could say so, i talked with a few girls already. "

- " Glad for you! I wish we were in the same classroom this year too. "

Everything would've been way easier like that. Hina was always the one to introduce me to other people, and even if i didn't really like doing so, she helped me socialize.

After a few minutes just chatting with her about anything, lunch break was over, and i stood up to make my way back to my classroom.

Even after just standing up, i had already started hoping that Yoshida-san wouldn't try talking to me again during that day, as i didn't want any more attention on me.

After a while, i had finally made it through the last two periods, glad that Yoshida-san hadn't tried talking to me in our other small breaks.

I decided to wait for most people to leave and went to spend some time at the library, as i wanted to check out a book i had seen with Hina at lunch break.

When i got there and went to my usual spot, i saw someone i would never have expected to.

Yoshida-san was sitting on the same far corner i had earlier. She wasn't doing anything. If i had to guess, i would've said she had probably fallen asleep.

I knew i would probably regret that later, but i decided to sit next to her, not out of worry about her, but out of curiosity that the girl that looked just like the perfect student could have fallen asleep in the school library.

- " Yoshida-san? " - I called out in a low tone, with the only intention of seeing if she was asleep.

- " Sato? " - She replied, which made me freeze and regret calling her out loud, as i hadn't really expected her to reply.

- " Were you sleeping? "

- " No, just thinking. "

She did look like she had been sleeping, and that was the whole reason i sat beside her.

She had her head laid flat on the table, and i couldn't think of anything else she could've been doing.

- " You did look like you were. Aren't you supposed to go home? "

- " *I don't like things home..* " - She replied, not in her usual friendly tone, but in a low and quiet voice.

- " Yoshida-san, is everything okay? " - I asked out of empathy, as i didn't think much of it.

- " Everything's fine, sorry. I was just a bit tired, so i laid my head here and had a bad dream. " - She said, and quickly followed up with:

- " I didn't really mean it *like that*, don't worry about me. "

Yoshida-san looked like she was trying her best to speak in her usual bubbly voice, but i noticed her voice failing and thought that she was probably lying; While also realizing she had reacted too fast when replying for someone that was supposedly sleeping. Her voice didn't sound sleepy at all.

Remembering that Hina also wanted to check out that same book, i thought that it would be better to leave it for tomorrow so we could check it out together. And not having anything better to do, i decided to stay with Yoshida-san for a bit.

I didn't really think much of it at first, maybe she had just said the first thing that came into her mind. But after a few more minutes sitting right beside her in an uncomfortable silence, i started to organize my thoughts.

And only for an instant, one that caught my attention flashed in my mind.

I saw a reflection of myself in Yoshida-san, just for a moment.

I thought i was probably just overthinking it, knowing that i did that a lot. But i stayed in the same line of thought anyways.

Maybe our reasons to think like that, not liking how things were at our houses, were different. But i knew how it felt to not be able to call your own house your home.

Just the thought that she may have been feeling something like i was myself made me want to help her. What i felt for her still wasn't really worry, we weren't even friends after all. We had just met that same day.

The silence and air felt heavier than they already were as i noticed her hands trembling.

What i felt for her was empathy. I had been in her place before and wished someone would have felt it for me. It didn't have to be Yoshida-san there, i would've felt the same way with anyone else, but if she hadn't insisted on trying to chat with me earlier, i wouldn't have approached her there.

- " Do you plan on staying here until the school library closes, Yoshida-san? "

- " *I think so..* " - She replied, this time sounding lost.

- " And where are you heading to after? "

- " Probably to some other library, *or else i'll have to go back to my house*. "

She wasn't trying to lie to me anymore. That could only mean she was close to her own limits, as no one would have said something that intimate to someone they had just met that same day.

Noticing how much she wanted to avoid her own house, i realized i probably wasn't overthinking things at all, and was probably right about her. Maybe she did feel the same way as me after all.

I had to do something to help her, i didn't want anyone else to feel like that.

What are the chances she would tell someone else about that and they would try helping?

Just asking her questions about it and trying to talk wouldn't really lead anywhere, and i thought that it would probably just make her trust me even less. After all, i was never good at talking with people either.

Even after a few more minutes thinking while still sitting down beside her, i couldn't find any better options than what i was about to do. Still, i couldn't bring myself to believe i was going to do that for someone i had met that same day.

As the school had already started closing, i realized i didn't have any more time to think about other options. I had to say that to her.

- " Yoshida-san. " - I called out to her while getting up, trying to sound firm.

She didn't reply, but turned her head in my direction.

That alone said more than i needed to know.

I noticed her expression. She didn't look happy as usual, and what i saw on her wasn't only sadness.

She looked fragile, and had a look as if she was accepting some kind of bad fate already.

I had already started rethinking my options and what i should ask her. But seeing that look on Yoshida-san's face made me act instantly.

- " Walk with me, Yoshida-san. "

- " *Why, Sato? ..* " - She asked, her voice failing as if trying to hold back tears

- " I don't want you to stay alone. "

- " *Why would you care about me?* " - While asking, some tears had started falling from her eyes already, but she was still trying to recompose herself.

Since i sat down, the library wasn't feeling just cold as earlier anymore. It felt heavy and messy, as if i could feel that something was wrong there.

- " I can't leave you alone like that "

- " You can and you should! *I won't be anything other than a weight for you anyways.*" - Yoshida-san said, and that just made me more certain that i wasn't going to leave her alone there.

- " Please, Yoshida-san, come with me. " - I said, this time not holding every feeling back anymore, and my voice not sounding as firm as i wanted it to.

But the slight weakness on my voice probably made her believe i wanted to help her and trust me a bit more, as she soon said:

- " *Where do you want me to go with you to? .. *" - Sounding even more fragile than before.

- " A cafe, or anywhere you want. "

- " We don't even have to talk about that, Yoshida-san " - I reassured her.

I didn't have anything to do anyways, and even if i did have, i would've cancelled it if it hadn't been urgent.

It didn't have to be Yoshida-san feeling like that for me to want to help.

Even if it was a total stranger, i wouldn't have wanted to leave them there; I wanted to convince myself of that.

It just so happened that she had insisted on trying to talk to me earlier, and that made me not feel so uncomfortable as i approached her.

' Just a mere coincidence, nothing more than that. ' - I thought to myself.

- " *A-Are you sure i can go with you, Sato?* " - She asked nervously and low, sounding as if she was afraid i had changed my mind on that.

- " Yes, Yoshida-san. " - I reassured her.

- " The school's closing soon either way. "

- " *If you really are okay with that, i would really like to go with you, i don't want to go back to my house now but i also don't want to stay alone..* " - Yoshida-san said as she slowly stood up wiping her eyes, and then added

- "*Thank you, Sato..*" as she started following me shyly to a close, but not *that* close cafe nearby, as i didn't want to be seen with her by any of our colleagues.