A Zodiac's Thesis! Book 3 - The Final Corruption

Jonathan, Lahwin, Forrie, and Liana all spun around in the Dianemes. The ship careened through the multiverse one afternoon. They all had their gazes glued to a rubix-cube. Forrie put a hand to her chin in thought. Lahwin scratched at his hair with one of his boomerangs. Liana sat criss-cross, turning it over in her hand.

“Yanno, for all my wit, I’ve never managed to solve one of these things before. Not a single time! I even got one as a Christmas gift.” Forrie said.

Lahwin smirked, flirting with, “No need to beat yourself up about it, my sweet canolli. I didn’t even know what a rubix cube was until just a few minutes ago--”

Suddenly, the Dianemes began to shake. It shook around like a laundry machine. The walls hissed and the control-panel steamed. Jonathan put his hands out in front of Liana and Lahwin. He tried to usher them away from the center of the ship. Jonathan looked all around from one portal to the next. He nervously eyed one of the portals with a strange spaceship inside its screen.

“What the hell?” Liana jumped up. “Seems like a very unfunny surprise!”

Jonathan looked back at the control-panel. “What? Are we being-- Wow, okay, I’ve not seen this signal in a long, long time!”

“Jonathan, what signal? Stop being cryptic, you buffoon!”

“Right, right, right. Uh, it says the ship’s being stalled and stopped. It’s a funny code that the buttons and levers have with me. But... by what? And by who?”

As they looked at the front doors, Liana and Jonathan stood close. They noted a series of people in red and black uniforms. The strange people opened the doors to the ship themselves. They stood tall and stoic. One pair of strangers walked up to the control-panel. Another pair of stoic and militant people walked to the back of the ship.

“What are you, p-- police? Police? No, you’ve gotta be kidding me! Interdimensional police? My bloody word!” Jonathan raised his brow. “God, what a crummy day to get arrested! It’s all about catchin’ the suspects by surprise, I guess.”

One of the men was taller than the rest. He had a square jaw and a bald head. He wore a jacket with the top unzipped. He had dark skin and a light stubble. He held a laser-gun in his hands. It hung down by his waist. He gave Jonathan a suspicious glare. “Not just any police. We’re the Crofton & Soiree Defense Force. Is this the legendary Dianemes, by chance?”

Jonathan put his hands up. “Ah, so it is, so it is. My good friends, I must ask. Really, since you’ve done and set my heart astir. To what do I owe the intrusion?”

“Regen?” Liana asked. Her eyes were as wide as saucers. She looked over to see one of the officers who had short, curly, and light-blue hair. The officer was tall and had the gray-blue eyes and ovular chin of one Regen Buirell. Liana walked a little closer.

The female officer blew a bubble of gum, then popped it. She chewed it some more as she held a handheld video game in her hand. She looked around at the ship, all deadpan and bored. Then, as she turned her focus to Liana, her eyes widened. She spat her gum into a piece of paper and ran over. The two girls screamed in excitement.

“Oh my gosh! No way, Liana?” Regen hugged. “Is that really you?”

“Regen!” Liana cheered.

Jonathan looked back at the square-jawed man. “Well, don’t wanna ruin their little reunion now, do ya? I barely remember the blue-haired girl, myself. Who is she, again?”

Regen turned back around. “Yeah, uh, actually, boss, can I just, like, leave the organization now? I just wanna hang out with this one! She’s pretty fun to paint. Like, uh, really fun.”

Liana blushed. Oh, boy. I forgot, Regen was always a flatterer. Be still my beating heart. I mean, you know, unless it kills me. That’d be awkward. Then Regen couldn’t paint me anymore. Hehehe.

“So, like, whatcha been doin’?” Regen asked. She always spoke with a city-girl vocal fry.

“I’ve been on the lookout for weird anomalies across the multiverse. It’s a long story. We’ve also been trying to help the Undertow, as well.” Liana said. “A while back, we had to help this guy named Lahwin with his Soap Trolls. Apparently some sort of virus infected them and made some go crazy. They ended up attacking our friend Forrie’s Earth, and… the rest is history.”

The two girls looked all around the ship. They noted how cramped it had gotten. Since Jonathan and Liana, the Dianemes now boasted two other members. The six officers from the Crofton & Soiree Defense Force also didn’t help things. The control-panel was now completely crowded.

Lahwin and a random member of the CSDF spilled out into a corner. Regen found a spot by some of Jonathan’s boxes. She dusted off the bottom of her uniform and sat by a box full of blankets. She looked into it and saw Hawaiian leis, car keys, and glass door-knobs.

“Gosh, I’m afraid something might bite me if I stick in one of these so-called ‘boxes’. Call me paranoid, I guess!” Regen teased, deadpan.

“Jonathan’s a bit of a hoarder.” Liana shrugged. She tried to sit criss-cross, like Regen, but found it difficult in her pants. She wore her green sweater, had her hair in a low ponytail, and wore tight teams. “Ach! Wish I could do a criss-cross. It’s a nostalgic position, yanno! I, uh, can’t exactly sit too loosely in these jeans.”

Regen coughed into a fist. “I’d recommend taking’em off, then.”

Liana blushed. “Hmph! Why, I’m afraid I admire my privacy all too much. There’s, like, what, ten people here, now?”

“Just put one of those sleeping bags on over yourself. I’ll make sure none of these D-Bags looks. And if you relax enough, I can paint you to look like Mona Lisa. Hah! Flirtations aside, though, how’ve you been? Seriously, Liana. I’ve, um, missed you. I had to get on with my own life, but-- Say, I’m kinda hungry. They don’t do snacks in the Crofton & Soiree Defense Force. You got any ramen around here? I crave ramen a lot these days. Must be a nostalgic thing from college.”

“Ramen? Uh, maybe.”

Back by the control-panel, the square-jawed man inspected the buttons. He spoke with a booming voice and rubbed at his bald head. He had a vivacious, Southern accent. “Wow, I guess today’s not just our lucky day!”

Forrie stood up straight. “So, what’s all this about? I think I’ve seen your emblem a few times, before, actually. Maybe there’s just different versions of you across the multiverse. Which version are you?”

The man smiled. “As I said, we’re the Crofton and Soiree Defense Force. We founded the organization in the middle of an abandoned mansion, called, aptly, ‘The Crofton and Soiree’. We all teleported there one day under mysterious circumstances, and the rest is history.”

Jonathan’s eyes widened in realization. Oh, God. Please don’t tell me it was that same building where Liana and I had traveled around with that vampire, Drusilla Valcyon. Yanno, for being a multiverse, Terramessos is oddly small.

“We came to the conclusion of something very dangerous, ya see. It is likely that with the advancements of interdimensional traveling technology, it will be easier for the wrong kinds of people… to destroy an entire universe.”

Jonathan nodded, slowly and gravely.

Forrie turned to him. “Well, there should only be two interdimensional-traveling devices, sir, unless you know more than I do. The only ones that come to recent memory are the Dianemes, this ship, and my old ship, the Scryenemes.”

The officer nodded. “Well… hm. There are only two, that is correct, minus our own. But I think we take precedence in regard to that kind of sovereignty. However, those are just the ones that are intact… and in full-condition. Regen Buirell, over there, is one of our best agents at finding the junked-up ones. There’re tons more, across the multiverse, ya see, that, if the wrong person gets their hands on’em and repairs’em, could spell trouble quicker than a spelling-bee champion.”

Lahwin blinked in confusion. “Uh, what’s a spelling-bee? I think I heard about it once or twice. I think-- Yeah! They exist in the Shur’iiv District! There’re these little bees, with eight legs, that can spell. In fact, I knew this one guy who was selling Ouija Boards for bees!”

Forrie put a hand to her hip. “No, wait, hang on. You don’t know what a spelling-bee is?”

“I’m from the Undertow! I don’t know a lot of things about the Earths.”

“It’s actually funny he should say that,” The square-jawed officer began. “because the rest of the junked up interdimensional travel machines… are in the Undertow. If you would like to help us, Pilot of the Dianemes,” The boss turned to Jonathan. “we’d like to split up into groups, and search the Undertow’s districts. By the way, I’m Commander White. Pleasure to meet you, sir.”

Jonathan licked at the inside of his cheek. “Hah. Wow, the party just keeps gettin’ bigger and bigger! I’m gonna need a new ship soon. Alas, the pleasure’s all mine!”

________

“Woohoo! Another Undertow adventure!” Liana cheered. She flashed the peace-signs as she walked with Regen. They waded through a series of red thickets. They had left the Dianemes sometime ago. Now, they crawled through thorny vines and roughly red bushes. A sandy forest surrounded them. Liana cracked her neck around. “And it’s a girl’s night-out, too, iddnit? Just us.”

“Mhm. Hah, ‘Iddnit’. I forgot how cute your accent was, dude.” Regen smirked. She nudged Liana’s shoulder playfully. “Sorry, it was just… cute, is all.”

Liana twirled the ends of her hair. “And I forgot how much I missed your flirting. It’s very welcome here! You always know how to ‘woo’ the subjects of your art, don’t you? I do have to say, I fancied being your Muse that day when you painted me.”

“What, does Jonathan not make you his Muse enough?”

Liana guffawed. “He shows his interest in… other ways. Primarily adventure. Primarily travel. Primarily… just those two things, over and over.”

Regen gave a deadpan look, then cackled. “Yeah, yanno what? Screw it. Let’s have a ‘girl’s night out’, then, alright? You could use it. Hell, I could use it! You will not believe how much CSDF has been a complete bore. Sometimes, I like to think I’m a ‘no-nonsense’ kinda gal, but then… even I like my fun.”

“You haven’t been able to paint a lot, have you?”

“No.” Regen sighed. “Not very much at all. I’ve had to be like a completely different person aboard the ship!”

“Say, um, tell me about it! The CSDF. How is it?”

“It’s alright.”

“Just alright? Oh, come on then, Regs!”

“Well, there’re these two brothers, Mavier and Carmen. Carmen’s a bit shy, while Mavier’s actually just hateful of everyone around him. I’ve been trying to get Carmen to come out of his shell. Sometimes we make progress. Sometimes we have setbacks. By the way, you know I’m not exactly unfamiliar with the Undertow anymore, right? I’ve been to two places.”

“Oh, really? Where?”

“The Pathanos District, I believe it was called?” Regen said. “Lot of, uh, yarn!”

“Oh! I’ve been there too.”

“Oh, um… what about the Al’Kem District? Mind ya, I didn’t get to see a lot of it, though. I had to man the ship. It was kinda funny since Carmen kept trying to hoard snacks. We shared a Honey Bun. Good times!”

“I’ve been to Al’Kem. And… oh?”

“Yeah, having to watch the ship is something I have to do a lot. I did the dumb thing you’re not supposed to do with jobs. Oversold myself. Played my hand too strongly. I was always quiet about my passions for science and math, but… when I met the CSDF, I got a little too excited. Now, I’m always cleaning out viruses, backlogs, front-ends and back-ends of their webpages. They’re trynna recruit more people, and that deals with computers. I fly the ship sometimes, too. That’s what I mean when I say I’ve not been able to paint in a really long time, Liana.”

“My God, you’re a real I-T girl, dyed in the bloody wool! I remember when Jonathan used to be called that. Made things a bit weird. Especially any Blackjack games with strangers.”

“People used to call him an ‘I-T girl’? He called himself an ‘I-T... girl’? Man, hope that didn’t hurt his masculinity. God forbid! He seems like he really likes it, what with those two jackets and all. White and yellow… like printer paper and piss.”

“Oh God, no!” Liana chuckled. “I don’t think he ever had alotta that to begin with, honestly. Masculinity, that is. See, he often introduced himself to passersby as an ‘interdimensional traveler’, or, ‘I-T’, for short. So, people thought he worked with computers. Every now and again.”

Suddenly, Regen stopped in her tracks. “Hey, see that cave over there?”

Liana looked to Regen. They had now crouched behind a red bush. The bush smelled of eucalyptus and saffron. Liana readjusted her ponytail. “Yeah? What of it, then?”

“Uh-- Oh, hang on, I’m getting a call from Commander White. Hello?”

“Agent Buirell, you are at the threshold of the Bloodbloom Section of the Urgang District and the Voran District. Crossing over, you might alert ‘district purists’, so be on your guard. Those are the ones who don’t like the mingling of the districts in recent years. Also, the Voran District is home to some goblins… and other strange animals. Be safe! Over and out.”

“Roger, commander. Over and out!” Regen clicked off her walky-talky. “Well, you, uh, wanna fight some goblins? I heard they’re pretty brutal if you underestimate’em. I think I saw a show about that a while back. Or was it a video game?”

Liana squinted into the cave. The sandy forest around them was home to many more red bushes. Some of the sand fell deeper into a greater hole. The collapse created a dune. Liana yipped and jumped up. Water hummed in the distance. “Well! Um, let’s not put the cart before the horse, as they say.”

Regen smirked. “I have neither a cart, nor a horse, so… I guess I’m good.”

________

Jonathan held a walky-talky similar to Regen’s. He walked around the Mett’Al District with Forrie and Lahwin. Lahwin lamented as they walked around a forest full of metal vines and leaves. Jonathan eyed the hanging Iron Vines and the rivers of mercury. Forrie brought up a Geiger Device to one of the small rivers. It read high on radiation.

“So, uh, I couldn’t really understand that Commander White guy too well. I mean, we speak the same language, sure, and his accent wasn’t bad, but… he just spoke so fast, and had such an impatience for clarifying questions.” Lahwin said.

“Yes, well, I normally don’t involve myself with guys like that, either. Of course, he involved himself with me.” Jonathan looked around. “How imposing! Anyway, the goal is simple, or so he believed. Find a junked-up pile of the remains to a metal ship.”

“In a forest full of metal. That’s probably not too smart.” Forrie concluded, fixing her glasses. She nudged Lahwin’s shoulder playfully. “That Commander White doesn’t exactly know how to narrow down things, does he? Unless he’s giving us the equivalent of washing a toilet with a toothbrush.”

“Yeah, uh, what exactly are we lookin’ for? I was never the greatest at I-Spy.” Lahwin walked slowly behind Forrie. “Dawnne and Leylesse were always the champion of that. Used to spot a Soap-Troll from miles away!”

Forrie nodded. “Well, all interdimensional traveling-ships require a matter-convertor. You see, each universe has its own type of matter. The ship needs to be able to enter the universe and not explode on contact, nor have all its inhabitants die. So, we don’t need to find a whole ship, just the engine’s part… for proof of its junked-up existence.”

“Oh, lord. That sounds kinda complex, dude! What do matter-converters even look like?”

“It’s not complex when you’re literally a scientist like me. Be thankful you have a Dr. Forrie on your side, Lahwin. I’d ask Jonathan to be thankful, but he doesn’t seem to be the type. At least not when it’s a lady.”

“Huh?” Jonathan turned, glaring.

“Hehehe! Uhuh! I mean, yeah, but then… you know, I was just, once upon a time, a board-game fanatic who drank a lot of wine… and threw boomerangs at my enemies. Life was simpler than matter-converters.” Lahwin said.

“Well, I can see the wine-drinking part, at the very least. For a guy in his twenties, you throw boomerangs like you’re still in grade-school. You might wanna work on your side-throw, Lahwin.”

“Whoa! Oh, my, what a burn!” Jonathan teased. “No worries, Lahwin! Forrie can be quite cold. Just like metal. Ah, we must be among her people, then!”

Forrie blew on her acrylic nails. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“In…. any… case…” Jonathan began. “... it’s actually quite easy to find a broken Matter Converter, ‘my dude’! If opposing matters were to collide... they’d create a terribly nasty explosion. All we’d need to look for is a giant crater, of sorts, in this metal jungle. The problem with that? It’s likely the case that the creator of such a device covered their tracks.”

“So, wait, is this not some wild goose-chase?” Lahwin’s voice rose.

Forrie put a pencil atop her ear. “Do you not like narrowing things down, Lahwin? Plus, it’s one thing to hide a broken ship, but it’s another to rebuild the area where it exploded.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that, though, Forrie. This is the Undertow, after all. It exists on a completely different realm of physics. In fact, I’d say it doesn’t often like physics, really.”

“Then we’ll just have to ask the locals!”

“Ah, yes! What a classic thing to do. ‘Ask the locals’, she says! I wonder if there’re any Ordomatrons around here. Careful with yourself though, Forrie! Ordomatrons tend to go after conventionally attractive women. They’re a jealous lot!”

“Ordomatrons tend to come and go as they please.” Lahwin said. He looked at a nearby metal-vine and reached out to grab it. He turned it over in his hand and pet it. “I’ve seen a few in Luray Aram, before. They didn’t stay long, though. They’re nice, but creepy.”

“Well, you two will have to enlighten me. What, in the world, is an ‘Ordomatron’? I thought Jonathan was just making stuff up.” Forrie said.

“It’s basically an automaton in the shape of a mother-like figure wearing an apron… to put it bluntly. But it likes to kill!” Jonathan said.

“Well, only some Ordomatrons look like maids.” Lahwin pointed out. “Others tend to look like ghosts for some reason.”

Forrie shivered. “Oh, yuck! I detest ghosts.”

________

Liana took her green hood off. She wore a white T-Shirt as she jumped through the gap of the two districts. Regen winced, trying to keep near her side. The District of Urgang soon felt like a distant memory.

The District of Voran’s new kinds of greeneries stared them in the face. Packs of strange-looking deer and cows grazed upon patches of zig-zagged grass. A misty sky thundered and rumbled above them. A giant mountain, filled with an impregnable cave, sat in the distance.

Everywhere looked like a pastoral farm. As they stood on their hindlegs, the Voran Cows then plopped down on all fours. They went to feast over a nearby hill of strange ants and sixteen-legged bees.

The bees stung the cow’s throat as a last line of defense. In response, the cow merely burped out their corpses. The stinging accomplished nothing. Of course, it gave the cow some really bad breath.

One of the Voran Deer ran up to them. It had seven antlers and blinked a pair of green eyes. The Blood Flowers from Urgang District disappeared into the distance. At first, the deer gave a soft sniff of Regen’s hand.

It sized her up in her black and blue uniform. It acted like it was meeting an old friend again. It put its head low to her, awaiting some pets and pats. Regen timidly stroked its fur. The deer nodded peacefully as it grazed on the grass below. When it looked back up, it smiled with a set of razor-sharp teeth.

Regen screamed.

Liana laced her fingers tightly between Regen’s. The two of them ran throughout the farmland. They continued to run until they reached a cave. No one wanted to stay and see what could happen with a mean-eating deer.

Regen, however, withdrew a Raygun from her pockets. She looked down at it and frowned. She looked back at the deer and pointed the gun in its direction. The deer just closed its mouth and looked confused.

“Yanno,” Liana caught her breath as she ran. “I’ve actually had a few nightmares about deer before! Why is it always deer, hm?”

“Good to know. I have nightmares about… stuff.”

“Stuff? Oh come on, Regs, we all have nightmares.”

“But you’re gonna laugh!”

“I will not!”

“Promise?”

“Yes, I promise. Pinkie or what?”

Regen just shook her head. “I used to dream about my paintings… coming to life. Happy?”

“Oh. Well, that does sound a bit scary.”

“Liana, look out!”

The two girls winced. Regen noticed a group of goblins hopping towards them. Each creature bared its teeth. Each of them held spears with barnacles growing at the ends. They hobbled forward like a pack of clumsy demons.

Liana pulled out her grappling-sword. “Heh, I didn’t think I’d need to bring this out just yet. Bring it on, then! I can swing all night.”

“Yo, what is that? You had that, this entire time, and didn’t tell me?”

Liana rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, Regen, I’m tryna be cool here! And, I didn’t wanna lose it down here. I really only use it in bigger, more open areas. Plus, you have guns! You look like you’re a good shot, eh? Nice and special.”

Regen blew a raspberry. “Special, huh?”

“Oh, I’ve really met my match, now, I have. Jonathan says I always blow raspberries. I was never the biggest fan of the real fruit, oddly enough. More into peaches and cherries.”

“Well, let’s try and not fail the Bechdel Test, shall we?”

“R-- Right.”

Regen winked and shot a blast at a patch of rocks in the ceiling. She watched as they crumbled in front of the goblins. For a few minutes, the goblins tried poking away at the mess with their spears, but to no avail.

They hissed and growled, but their noises grew dimmer and dimmer. They were now, officially, blocked off. As she blew away some smoke from the barrel of her gun, Regen turned Liana.

Liana wore a thankful smile. “Alright, turning around, it looks like-- Well, it looks like there’s a giant pit behind us, Regen.”

“Giant pit. Yup.”

“Yup.”

“Yup.”

“Well,” Liana looked at her sword. “it looks like I’m finally going to have to use this thing for something other than fighting. Can you believe it? Using a grappling-sword for grappling? I can’t believe things are starting to make sense around here.”

“So, wait, what is that?” Regen asked. She tossed back a fresh wad of gum.

“It’s a grappling-sword. It’s like a normal sword, only the blade can click out from the hilt and and wrap around something. I normally use it as just a long-distance sword. It’s like… close-combat with a stabby surprise.”

“Liana, that’s cool as fuck!”

Liana felt her cheeks go hot. As she pushed a clump of hair behind her ear, she then launched the blade forward. It shot downward into the pit at one of the rocky walls. Liana descended, sliding down her rope slowly. Regen wrapped her arms around Liana’s waist. The two continued to descend into a darker and darker pit. Regen couldn’t help but laugh at something.

“Oi, what’s the piss, then?” Liana huffed.

“It’s just… your hips.”

“My hips are funny?”

“No, not like that! They just jut right into me, and yet… feel so comfortable. Cozy girl!”

Liana blushed again. “Yanno, I think it should be pretty apparent that I never thought of myself as a… batter for the other team, if ya catch my drift, but, you know, Regen, you’re, uh, making me question some things.”

As they landed, Regen stretched her arms out. “Yeah? Feed my self-esteem more, why don’tcha? I might be aloof, most times, but I could use a good ego-boost.”

“My, how humble!”

“Meh, I don’t really wanna be humble, I just…” Regen shifted awkwardly. Her own cheeks started to redden with embarrassment. “... Well, would it be okay if I kissed you? On your cheek.”

Liana bit her bottom lip. We so need to have her on board, from now on! With Jonathan and Regen, I’d feel like I could conquer anything. Oh, and Lahwin and Forrie, of course. It’s cliche, but they’d really feel like a family. We’d all feel like a family. A team.

And so the girls explored more of this underground world. As she crawled through a tunnel, Liana suffered some more compliments from Regen about her bottom. The two made it out to the other side, noticing blue lights in a wide-open space. They found themselves exiting a tiny, muddy, rocky tube.

On the other end, they had rolled out into a wide, tall, and immense city. Glowing mushrooms hummed in the distance. Brown, blue, and gray blades of grass stuck up from the rock. The underground city was full of huts, markets, and farms of Voran Potatoes. The huts were Incredibly square, housing none other than the Voran Goblins.

“Looks like we can’t just take on all those gobs at once.” Regen said. Slowly, she withdrew her raygun from her pocket. “But we can take on these two.”

“These… two?” Liana turned.

Two goblins, with spears in hand, approached them. They were small, blue creatures with pointy, sharp teeth. They had distended bellies and wore tunics around their waist. Some were bald while others had hair that grew down to their backs.

They growled in an indiscernable language. One of the goblins wore metal gauntlets and a silver necklace. He looked like the leader of the pack. He looked at Regen and froze. Then, he looked at Liana and lunged forward.

Regen took aim with her raygun. Liana winced as the goblin tensed up. It put a hand out, trying to catch its own blood. A hole had gathered in the middle of its stomach. The other goblins shrieked and retreated.

One of them threw a rock at Liana. Regen shot it with her raygun. It exploded into a bout of tiny debris. She put her arm out to shield both her and Liana. She looked all around them, noticing more goblins in the cave.

“Thanks, Regs!” Liana said.

“No problem. I kinda hate rayguns though, but that’s neither here nor there.”

“But the goblins sure are everywhere!”

________