Mutual Benefit

I’ve never understood the whole ‘love at first sight’ thing. Sure, I’ve just watched my brother completely lose his head over Kate Reid so I can absolutely see its plausibility; but I can’t understand something I’ve never felt.

I’ll go out to the only bar in town with the other ranchers and without a shadow of a doubt, there are beautiful women there, but none I’ve ever wanted to look at twice. They’ll approach me if they’re drunk enough, talking well about the ranch and how it’s such ‘admirable work’. I’ll even go up to them once I’m drunk enough and have the kind of one-night fun that makes the next morning awkward as hell. Luckily for me, ranch work has me up early and I’m usually gone by the time they wake up.

Rule one? Always go to their place.

I’ve got all the love in the world for my family, my land, and my work. There’s no room for anything like a relationship to slot in there permanently.

It doesn’t stop the women I briefly see trying to worm their way in, if I get caught leaving and end up having to give them my number, they’ll text relentlessly when they’ll see me next. Some of them even go directly through the bushes instead of around straight into flirty conversation - it’s resulted in a few second meetings with some but nothing of substance ever comes from it.

There’s nothing inside me that has any desire that’s anything further than carnal. It doesn’t stop Ma from trying to set me up with women though, she even surprised me on our weekly movie night with the girl from our local coffee shop. Then she’d feign tiredness and leave me alone with the girl whose name I don’t know for a couple hours until she’d find an excuse to leave.

While Ma had that approach, Pa would tell me to focus on the ranch and love will find me when it’s good and ready to, it’s all in ‘God’s plan’ apparently.

I don’t much believe in any of that, but I took his words as gospel. It was easier to do that than try to understand the nuances of love. It seemed complicated, it still does at the ripe age of thirty.

That process and mindset was all going well for me until Matilda Porter walked through the gates of Lakeview Ranch. Well, I actually first met Tilly, she feels like she’s in trouble if someone uses her full name, in the car park of the bar before she and I, along with Kate and Zac, went to confront Kate’s ex and tell him where to go.

We were already there, but Zac went straight to Kate the second that her car was put in park. If Kate was around, Zac saw nobody else. He was a goner the second he met her so it’s no surprise really.

It left me stood idly as the blonde, Tilly as I now know her, sidled up towards me to give Zac and Kate their space. We made awkward conversation but I wasn’t really contributing, all I could focus on was the growing feeling in my chest.

Tilly apparently introduced herself to me but I was locked on the way her blonde locks framed her face, she had shorter hair like a bob, but it suited her perfectly. I remember she smiled awkwardly at me as I hadn’t introduced myself back, and the dimples that appeared on either side of her mouth sent my body into a frenzy. My fingers tingled, my heart skipped a beat entirely, my breath hitched at the way she tucks strands of hair behind her hair when she seems nervous.

It was almost immediately that the four of us came back together and went inside. Tilly and I stood off to the side of the bar initially to give them space, and on one occasion I put my arm out as Kate’s ex had said something out of turn. Feeling Tilly against my held out arm was enough to make the tingling return and my pulse skyrocket.

When we left the bar in separate cars, she stayed pinned at the forefront of my mind until I saw her again the next day. Zac and I went over to the guest lodge where Zac and Kate had been living together after the tornado, Kate was down by the lake and Tilly looked terrified. When I wasn’t fawning over the way Tilly leant into me and how I could smell the perfume on her neck, I used humour and sarcasm to lighten the mood in the room. Tilly seemed to seep into my every thought, and I could smell her scent on me for hours after that.

When Tilly and I made it back to the big house after bickering about whether or not she would take my bedroom during her stay here. I did say it was non-negotiable and the sofa would suffice for as long as needed to, but Tilly was expertly trying to dodge it. It was only when Ma joined our conversation and commanded that no guest in her home would be without a proper bed, and Tilly reluctantly relented.

I wanted to go up to my room and make sure everything was good enough in there for her, but she politely declined the offer, only letting me help her with her bags and grab some personal bits before she bid me goodnight.

I thought of her as I fell asleep on the sofa that night, and I had every feeling that she would be my first thought on waking too.

I was up and out the next morning for usual ranch business, but I stopped back in mid-morning after Ma texted a picture of a cooked breakfast to the Morgan Family group chat. Zac had politely declined, and I have no disillusions as to why that is, but there’s no way I was passing up a breakfast special from Ma herself.

“I’m home!” I call out as I shut the front door behind me.

I kick off my boots before heading towards the kitchen, but I’m stopped in my tracks by Tilly coming down the stairs clearly just roused from a deep sleep. Her short blonde hair pokes in various directions and her feet adorn fluffy pink socks.

I can’t help but smile at the view.

“Good morning, gorgeous.”

Her eyes narrow into a frown as she looks down at me. It’s adorable and a privilege to witness so I can’t help but let out a laugh that only makes her frown more.

“I’m assuming you like your coffee first thing like Kate?” I ask her despite knowing exactly what the answer is. She nods quickly, her tired eyes relax and blink out the sleep.

I nod my head over towards the kitchen and follow the smell of cooked bacon. I hear Tilly’s soft feet padding behind me and feel relieved to see a fresh pot of coffee brewed on the side.

“Hi son!” Ma calls out from her office. “I’m on a call but breakfast is ready and coffee is hot!”

She’s the best Mom ever. I watched her heart break and then held her as she picked up the pieces after Pa passed away. She’s busied herself with various women’s groups in the town and has a set day for each group over the course of a week.

It was hard for Zac and I too, Pa was always ranch oriented and he taught us as such. His passing made the ranch seem loose and chaotic somehow, like it all worked with cogs and a huge one was removed. Zac and I couldn’t get back into status quo for weeks, if not months.

I shake that thought, feeling grief seep in like damp, and busy myself with making coffee. Tilly sits at the kitchen island and rubs her eyes sleepily.

“How’d you take your coffee?”

Tilly groans. “You talk a lot for this early in the morning.”

I frown myself now and glance towards the clock on the wall ticking away, in five minutes it’ll chime to say that it’s 11am.

“Do you know what time it is?” I ask while pouring the steaming black liquid into two cups. She shrugs nonchalantly as I push a mug towards her along with milk and sugar. She frowns at the sugar but pours the smallest amount of milk into the cup. It barely even lightens the colour of the liquid, it just swirls powerlessly before Tilly picks up a spoon and stirs it in lazily.

We couldn’t be more opposite if we tried, starting with coffee. I lean over and pull back the milk and sugars, loading two heaped spoonfuls and a generous slosh of milk.

Tilly holds the cup between her hands and lifts it to her mouth, she blows away the steam softly and those dimples make a brief reappearance and any moisture in my mouth dries up instantly as my stomach flips. I have to drink a mouthful of scalding coffee just to wet my mouth.

Who is this woman and what has she done with my nervous system?

“I wonder how Kate and Zac are getting along.” Tilly muses while staring out of the large kitchen window that showcases one of the best views on the ranch. We used to be able to see the little home that Zac had made for himself by the lakeside, but the tornado shredded it so he’d been staying with Kate for weeks. After a while, it seemed that Kate and Zac fell into a routine and the attraction between them just grew. Before they knew it, they were both completely head over heels for the other.

I let out a breathy laugh. “I think they’re getting on just fine.”

Tilly grimaces at me before shaking her head, maybe she’s not one for jokes until after the last drop of coffee has passed her rosy lips. They’re a beautiful pink, soft and warm, and I can’t help but wonder what kissing her would feel like.

It’s going to be yet another way for Tilly to stay completely wrapped up in my every waking thought, only now I wonder if she’ll haunt me in my dreams.