First day of school
The summer break was bad, just as I expected it to be. It was the first summer without her. It's almost been a year since the accident but I still can't say or write the M-word. I spent the summer in front of my computer. Yeah, no sun-kissed skin on this nerd. I was going even deeper into coding and hacking. Nothing illegal of course, but enough to make me prepared for the advanced course in coding that my school was offering this year.
That was the best thing about my school, that they had a special program for nerds like me who love tech, computers and coding. My diary Ugh I hate that word, that's why I just keep calling it D, had been more silent during the summer. I had almost no interaction with people besides my dad so I didn't need to write about anything. My therapist was the one who forced me to start writing a diary. But he told me not to write rubbish, his words not mine, but to only write about real stuff that felt too hard to keep inside, and knowing school was starting again tomorrow, tonight seemed like a good day to get back to it.
Dear D,
Tomorrow is the first day at school and I might be the only one who is looking forward to it. But hey, what can I say? My brain likes the challenge. The only bad thing about school is the people, or at least, most of them. The ones in my tech class are alright, because, yeah they get me. But the girls? Especially the popular ones? They don't get me. And my crush? He definitely does not get me, and I don't think that will ever change. I don't even think he knows my name. Perhaps I'm just destined to be alone forever?
Next morning the alarm is ringing but I am already awake. Being up late at night and still waking up early seems to be my thing. Maybe sleep is not so important, huh?
I am going through my options of clothes. My body had decided to develop hips and butt during the summer so I had outgrown a lot of the clothes in my wardrobe. I chose a pair of baggy jeans and a beige hoodie. A comfortable choice that would not let people see the change. I keep my hair in a messy bun as usual and I pack my glasses that I only use when I'm sitting in front of a screen.
I grab a sandwich and a coffee on the way out and kiss my dad goodbye on the cheek. I'm still glad to see him up in the mornings. After she died he stopped working for a while but the last few months have been better and he is now working part-time.
As the school bus arrive I climb on and take the seat closes to the driver and farthest away from everyone else, especially from Dylan. Dylan has been my big crush for two years. Not that I actually know him, but I like his face. He has dark blond short hair, perfectly messy all the time, brown eyes and a laugh that sounds like music.
"Hey nerd", someone say as I take my seat but I pretend not to hear as I always do. It's easier that way. After she died people stopped calling me names and started to act like human beings for like two weeks, then they got back to their usual manners, calling me nerd every chance they got.
When the bus stops I am one of the first ones to get off, because hey, I love school. I go to my locker. I have had the same one during all my years. Usually they changed them every year but after she died they told me that they figure they could spare me of any more changes. Yeah, thanks for saving me from the traumatizing event of changing a locker. Like come on, really? But I just rolled with it.
And it had actually been a good place for a locker because last year the one next to mine was empty for the whole year. But I could not expect to be so lucky again, right? And still I get surprised when I unlock my locker and feel someone behind me.
I turn around and I see a guy I have never seen before. He is tall, brunette hair that reaches just below his ears, he has light blue eyes that seem weirdly deep. I just look at him before I say, "Can I help you?". Wait, why did my voice sound so firm and confident? That's not like me, not when I am talking to a stranger.
He smiles at me, points at the locker next to mine and says, "Yeah I just thought I should wait for you to finish before grabbing my stuff from my locker".
I look at him, he gets beautiful dimples when he smiles and I'm wondering why on earth he is smiling at me for? And then I snap out of it as I remember he said something. I feel my cheek blush. I whisper, "Oh, yeah, of course. Sorry", and I hurry to grab my things and walk away quickly.
First class is history. I don't really like it but my brain seems to remember all of it anyway so I always get an A. During class I noticed several new people this year. Usually there are always some transfers from other schools. There is two new girls, and of course Dylan is looking at them because they are beautiful and wear cute dresses and giggle like girls should do.
Then there is the locker guy. I realized that I never introduced myself, and therefore I don’t know his name. He is looking at the teacher Mrs. Kingsley, and actually seems to listen. Huh? That's a first, usually good looking guys do not listen.
"Chloe", Mrs Kingsley suddenly says and ask me a question about some historical event and everyone turns to look at me. My brain makes sure I give the right answer, thank you brain, but as I do someone in the back calls out, "Neeeeeerd". I pretend not to notice. But I guess others did because I can feel the locker guy looking at me. Great, I guess he will start calling me nerd too.
The day goes on with math, English, a terrible lunch where I almost dropped my tray right in front of Dylan. But then it's finally time for my advanced coding class. There are fifteen people in the class, a few new faces including the locker guy but there are also my best friends, okay fine my only friends, the twins, Brian and Ryan yeah, creative parents. We bonded over coding and have been friends for a few years. They are also nerds but cooler ones, and they never get called names. Yeah, kinda jealous about that.
I glance at the locker guy again. So, why is he here? Does he actually know coding or is he thinking this will be some great extra credit class?
The teacher, Mr Harper, makes us introduce ourselves before he starts with an introduction to the course. I can't but help to glance at the locker guy when it's his turn. Adam, his name is Adam. And when it's my turn I can feel his eyes on me too. Oh, no big deal. I guess it's normal to want to know the name of your locker neighbor.
Later that night...
Dear D.
Today was…. interesting. I only got called nerd like five times. It usually is like ten times. So that's progress I guess? The girls are still to loud. The guys are still idiots. My crush is still handsome. But the empty locker is no longer empty. Can't really say much of the locker guy because he is hard to read. He gets beautiful dimples when he smiles, he goes to my Advance coding class, and it seems like he listens to the teachers? But I think I might be imagining it, or he is faking it, because good looking guys do not listen. Everybody knows that.
