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—

V flicked her finger on the remote she was holding to pause the commercial that she’s supposed to review with Uzi. Tapping on the table V despised the stupid dishonesty on the TV screen that has been driving her and Uzi crazy since they started. In the silence V tapped the table as it was better than the garbage being spoon fed to them. The two of them couldn’t take much more of this. Groaning V rolled her eyes turning her chair to face Uzi.

“This commercial sucks.” V scoffed, “Why is N having us review it without him being present? Isn’t that his job as the CEO?”

Uzi shrugged, “How the hell would I know his intentions? Ever since he’s started dating J he’s gotten too close for comfort to these pens and what they stand for.”

V rolled her eyes, “It figures that J is the one to blame for this. She’s the only one that’s so invested in these stupid pens.”

“Speaking of J where in the fuck is she? Wasn’t she supposed to be here reviewing this commercial with us?” Uzi barked.

V shrugged, “I wonder where she’s at. This isn’t like her to be late. She’s normally the first one of us to arrive at meetings. Why is she slacking off now?” V said as her tail swished. “There has to be more to happen than to sit here watching a stupid commercial that we both could care less about.”

Uzi glared at the door, grumbling. “I agree. Why is he having us do his work?”

V rolled her eyes and rose from her chair. "I'm going to find N and tell him what a waste of time this job he gave us is."

“We can’t just leave! You know if we do he’ll get mad at us!” Uzi crossed her arms. “All we can do right now is wait for him to come down like he said he would be even though we both didn’t want to be here in the first place.”

V growled and plopped back into her chair. “He better make it fast. I’ve got better things to do than sit around and watch useless garbage.”

“He just has to take his damn time today doesn’t he? And when he sees that J isn’t here she’ll be in trouble for sure. It’s not like I care about her anyways. The company could do with nicer drones.”

V nodded, “That’s true but–”

The office doors burst open coming into contact with the walls with a crack. This left little reaction time as V and Uzi shielded their faces with their arms. J, having arrived late, stepped in and slammed the door behind her with her foot. Behind her she hid something small behind her back, V and Uzi lowered their arms glaring at J then looked at each other. What did she bring this time? It was always something with J and there was likely more trouble to come with her. It wasn’t uncommon for J to constantly pull everyone into messes that they couldn’t control.

“I’m here bitches!” J shouted.

“What the fuck do you have with you?” Uzi fumed as she leapt off her seat.

A twisted grin crossed J’s face as she made her way to the table setting a small woven basket down on the table. Inside that basket of course was more of those stupid JC Jenson Branded Pens. They matched exactly to the ones in the commercial they’d been watching. However, she wasn’t done there before she pulled out two tall blue bottles from behind her. One was full while the other was half empty as she set them next to the basket placing her hands on her hips.

Uzi groaned and shook her head. “You’ve got to be shitting me J! You can’t just bring bottles of anti-freeze so carelessly! This isn’t your place!”

J ran her hand through one of her ponytails. “Sorry for being late! The traffic was rather terrible! I thought that I’d never survive it.” J put her hand to her chest. “It was horrible! Very very bad! Nobody would move out of the way and let me through!” J paused and looked at the bottles. “I took a special pit stop along the way, I got thirsty.”

V pointed at the bottles. “You know better than to bring alcohol to work! You know how bad anti-freeze is for us! I’m not gonna be a part of this! I’m not risking getting into this sort of trouble.”

J grinned and hiccuped, “I got the good shit. You won’t be sorry and you’ll miss out if you don’t have any.”

“God dammit J! You drove all the way here while you were wasted!” Uzi growled and held a hand out. “Gimme a bottle. I’ve been craving some good shit.” Uzi snatched the bottle from J’s on the table and wasted no time inhaling a large mouthful. “Where’d you get this? I want more.”

J offered the other bottle to V. “Oh come on V! You know you want some of this. It’s calling your name.”

V looked at the bottle and shrugged. “Fuck it. You’re right. But this is on you if we get in trouble for this.”

“I can’t hear your bitch ass. We’ll be fine, you can trust me with this.” J looked at Uzi. “Enjoy your good shit short stuff!”

“Fuck you.” Uzi said, taking a swig.

V swirled the bottle around before tipping it back taking a large drink. She ran the bittersweet liquid in her mouth for a moment. It didn’t take long before V began to vibrate alongside Uzi who had been buzzed from the first sip. J grinned wider as they both took another drink from their bottles. Oh how different it felt to be drunk after so many weeks without anything.

From the basket J pulled out one of the pens and looked it over weaving it between her fingers. She was pleasantly surprised that they were made better than the prototypes ever were. It sent warm chills throughout her systems but her plan wasn’t complete. There was one more piece to the puzzle and he wasn’t here yet. Time was on her side and all she had to do was wait for the perfect moment.

V snickered, “I bet you anything you can’t finish your bottle faster than me.”

“Are you sure about that?” Uzi snapped. “I know you won’t win.”

“We’ll never know if we don’t try.” V said as she rolled her eyes.

Uzi growled and climbed onto the table wavering as she came closer to V. “Is that a challenge?”

“Of course it is dumbass! What else would it be?”

A wide grin crossed their faces. Uzi swerved as she stood on the edge of the table as it shifted with her weight. The two of them locked gazes holding their bottles up to their lips. A show that J didn’t want to miss, the drama was a part of what made this job fun. The winner would come out victorious but at the price of a hangover. It was the break in the silence that everyone looked forward to for the past few hours. J leaned in closer not wanting to miss the performance and chaos that was about to commence.

J hiccuped and chuckled. “You two are cute when you compete.”

“Nobody asked your opinion J.” Uzi glared at her.

V put the bottle to her lips and grinned. “Let’s get this bullshit over with shall we?”

J shook her head. “Get on with it you two. We don’t have all day to fuck around.”

Seconds passed as they both tipped their bottles back. The race was on! Who will win? Who knows! Uzi was fast but V was outdoing her by a moment more, it became her specialty over the years to drink fast and get things taken care of quickly. Uzi gazed over seeing her speed and how unmatched she was to V. The contest didn’t last long before V slammed the bottle onto the table burping loudly.

“I told you, I’d win!” V shouted. “Take that bitch!”

Uzi finished her drink and smashed it to the floor as it shattered all over. “This isn’t fair! Bitch! You cheated!”

“You’re just a loser. You know this already.”

“Listen here you little—”

Rising to her feet V cackled to herself swaying as she got up. She stumbled forward but caught herself on one of the other chairs nearby. It was at this moment that the meeting room door flew open with N on the other side of it. N stepped in surveying the room from the pen filled basket to the broken glass all over the floor. He paused seeing the bottle on the table near V. He narrowed his eyebrows saying nothing. His gaze locked on Uzi as she toppled forward face first to the floor from on top of the table groaning loudly after contact.

“What is going on?” N asked.

J knew it was her chance to act if she was going to get what she wanted. She lifted the pen in her hand holding it like a dart pointed in N’s direction. A clean shot should do the trick. Shooting her arm forward J released the pen as it shot across the room like a speeding bullet. Uzi attempted to stand in that moment but wobbled before she fell in the direction of the wall slamming into it.

N’s eyes grew wide when he spotted the pen coming straight for him. The pen hit its mark. An unintentional bullseye deep in the middle of his forehead. He fell back as oil sprayed the room from his head as some rained down on V who licked her lips as it hit her. With a crash N fell hard on his back lying in a daze. His screen darkened as the pen stayed lodged in his head. The room went silent before V glared at J.

V growled, “Good job J, you killed N.”

“Shut it.” J snipped.

Seconds pass when N powers on again. Sitting up slowly he stared at J as she grinned widely but her gaze traveled around the room as sweat beads formed on her face screen. Groaning N rose to his feet and approached J with clenched fists. Knowing she did wrong, J sank in her seat when he pointed at her.

“What did you do to me?”

“Uh? I got the prototype pens that you ordered for me to pick up.” J pulled one out of the basket. “Very good quality, better than I intended them to be.”

Uzi slowly sat up and looked at N tilting her head. “Sir, you have something lodged in your forehead.”

N tilted his head patting the sides of his head until he found the pen lodged deep in his forehead. Carefully he pulled on it as oil and ink from the pen dripped down his screen from where the pen once was. N’s eyes grew wide as he gasped not saying a word before sighing. He held the pen out to where J could see it as black dripped from it onto the floor.

N shook his head. “Babe, how many times do I have to tell you that these aren’t darts and are very dangerous to throw.”

“Really? They’re just pens and we have nothing to worry about. Nothing will go wrong.”

N walked to the corner of the room where a red biohazard bin sat. He threw the soiled pen into it, wiping his hands on his jacket. His gaze traveled around the room before it stopped on the paused TV. Sighing he scanned for the remote finding it in the mess of shattered glass on the floor.

He pointed at the screen before he spoke. “This explains a lot. You’ve all yet to finish watching the commercial like I’ve told you to.”

“Wait, that wasn’t the end of that?” V moaned loudly. “I thought that was it but apparently not.”

“Might be worth paying attention to this next time I assign you something.”

N pressed the button on the remote as the commercial continued to play.

—

Side effects may include:

Nausea. Upset Stomach. Accidental Male Pregnancy. Overheating. Awakening of Inner Eldritch Horrors. And Possibly The Blue Screen of Death.

Remember! Don’t throw pens at anyone especially at Disassembly Drones!

JC Jenson

Liability is Our Passion. Safety is the Result.

It was at that moment J knew, she fucked up.