Shadows into sushine
Enjoying a cup of tea while sitting on my balcony on a Sunday morning, I suddenly felt a deep pain in my chest. I thought this was the last moment of my life. I wanted to call my daughter, my husband, and everyone to say a final goodbye, but I could not do so at that time. I was thinking about my precious family. I wished I could see my daughter one last time.
The happiest moments of my life were those I spent with them. The playfulness of my daughter and the silent support of my husband filled my mind. I remembered the day my daughter was born, her first look, and I forgot all about my pain. I was lost in her cute eyes, her small nose, and her pink lips. I felt that now I did not want anything else. She filled my desperate life with love, fun, and joy.
At that moment, all I wanted was to close my eyes in her lap while watching her pretty face. The cup of tea slipped from my hands, and I fell to the ground.
When I woke up, I found myself lying on a hospital bed. I saw my husband standing at a distance looking worried, and my daughter sitting on the chair next to my bed holding my hand. Her eyes were swollen because she had cried a lot. When she found me conscious, she hugged me and started crying again. My eyes also filled with tears, and I kissed her forehead.
After spending a few days in the hospital, I noticed people struggling with the pain of losing someone. So, I decided to do something for the people around me. After thinking for a long time, and after realizing the true importance of health, I decided to organize some health camps.
Eight years have passed, and now I run several orphanages and NGOs and work for the welfare of people. I have won several awards. Eight years ago, I was nothing, but today I have become a well-known person in my country. My family is proud of me.
That moment taught me many lessons and completely changed my life. It transformed my life from something ordinary into something meaningful and special—something I had never even dreamed about
Honey
Your character’s family seems attached to each other and that they had a generally happy life. It’s a nice change. I liked imagining what they were like.
By the hospitalization, I knew enough about the character to want to keep reading. Your character seems like a generally decent person, and I like reading about how somebody like her would change (and it might not be a change towards the negative side, either).
A character changing her life and learning things in the process is interesting. I’m wondering about her perspective, her reactions to specific problems, and about her experiences, and her process of learning the lessons. I like that your character was helping people for the people’s sake and also found it personally satisfying and that she emerged without grittiness negatively affecting her personal life. It's a nice change from grittiness and darkness once in a while.
Hopefully that’s all okay feedback! Have fun writing!
thank you so much for reading. My story and giving feedback, it means a lot to me. thanks again
your feedback motivated me to write more stories. you are the first person to give feedback. whereas people just say good.
thanks