A Dog's Life

Joey is an average guy sitting on the edge of one of those stone fountains at the mall, waiting for his wife as she visits store after store, spending money in each one of them. He never minded accompanying her to places like this. Lest you be fooled, it’s not because he was a chivalrous man but because he couldn’t help but notice all the lovely young ladies passing by.

Some of them were absolutely gorgeous, movie star quality. They got his blood pumping. Joey had to stop himself from starting a conversation with any of them in an attempt to get to know them better. That had been his habit in days past. But it was hard to teach an old dog new tricks, to keep him from returning to his old ways.

He’d been with his wife for a long time, but that never prevented him from looking and dreaming. When he looked at all that pretty young stuff, he daydreamed of another life, one that played out many years ago. It’s a shame we can’t go back and replay some things that happened in our past, he thought.

Joey is just an average five feet ten inches tall, weighing about 195, and he used to wonder how he managed to acquire all those lovelies. Perhaps this story will speak for itself.

Joey’s biggest asset or negative, however you thought about it, was his ability to talk to anyone, pretty much at any level. When he was in elementary school during a class physical exercise, the teacher said, “Good work, gabby!” Of course no one knew what the reference was but the teacher soon explained. “Class, you don’t know Gabby Sanford?”

A lot of the students laughed. At one point in his life when he did a lot of speaking (I’ll tell you about that later), he spoke in front of hundreds of people. He wasn’t afraid of people, in fact, loved meeting new folks, especially the female type.

Joey was a take-charge person with his own ideas about life, and he liked to take advantage of them. You’ll soon see how he took charge.

Women, he surmised, liked his straightforward ways, that he got right to the point, receiving directness from him that they usually didn’t get from the man they already had. They crave the excitement they guessed he could give them.

He didn’t think he had failed too many of them.

When he did have time to relax and reminisce it always seemed to be about a particular part of his life, the heydays, if you will, a time when he was a real dog, running around with virtually any female he could get his hands on. He had the perfect job, He had the time.

He certainly had the urge.

This time, while sitting at the shopping mall, Joey was thinking about one of his greatest conquests.

He had put a lot of thought into doing this particular thing for a while, but he had never realized how easily it was going to be accepted. When he told the woman with whom he had been sleeping with at the time, the plan that evening so many years ago, she apparently found it so sudden and direct she immediately agreed.

“You know what I’d like to do with you?” he offered. “I’d like to call you about 5:30 in the morning and wake you long enough for you to get up and unlock your front door. Then you can jump back into bed. I’ll take care of the rest.”

“That’s something different,” she surprised him by responding, “no one’s ever suggested that to me. It sounds very exciting. How about tomorrow morning?”

“Let’s do it.”

He walked back to his job at the catering house, and didn’t think his feet touched the pavement at all.

About 4:00 the next morning he awoke. He quickly changed the waking hour to a more respectable 6:30, turned the alarm off, and checked to make sure his wife was still sleeping soundly through the operation. He was shaved, showered, dressed, and out the door by a quarter to five.

He drove to his mistress’s house, looking for a phone booth as he approached her street. Remember phone booths? This was, after all, 1974.

He dialed her number, getting more excited by the second. It rang three, four, five times. Nothing happened. Must be a really sound sleeper, he thought. He hung up and tried again.

On the third ring he received a muffled, “Hullo?”

“Unlock your door and go back to bed,” he whispered. “Okay.” Her drowsy voice was sexy and inviting. He couldn’t wait to get to her.

Joey hoped she was awake enough to play the game, but she sounded out of it. Only one way to find out.

He finished the journey to her home, found a parking space a few cars down from her car, and walked up the steps to her front door. He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it. The moment of truth, so to speak.

It opened.

I was feeling better every second. He would never forget that episode. What more could he have asked for in an early morning escapade?

Wait a minute. Look at this thing walking by. This leggy thing crossing his path was exactly his type and effectively pulled him from the happy memory.

“Hi there young lady, how are you today?” he asked, catching her attention. “I’m Joey. Would you like to hear the greatest pickup line that exists?”

She turned, a bit mystified, smiles indulgently at him, and nods.

He licked a forefinger quickly and touch her on the shoulder with it.

“First thing we need to do is get you out of those wet clothes.”

She giggles.

She was his if He chose to follow through.

Naw, that was what he used to do.

He laughed to let her know He was joking more than being sincere. Shaking her head in amusement at him, she walked away.

Watching her walk away, following the curves of her body, he force himself to get back to what he was doing; keeping an eye out for his wife.