LOVING WHILE FEELING ALONE

There came a time when I started doubting myself.

I asked myself questions that no one should ever have to ask. Am I enough? Am I worthy of love? What did I do wrong? Why does loving someone have to hurt this much?

Sometimes I even questioned my own heart for choosing to love again after being hurt before. There were moments when I felt that giving love another chance had been a mistake.

One thing I have always known about myself is that I love deeply. I care with all my heart. When I love someone, I give my time, my energy, my support, and my loyalty. I found myself doing everything I believed a loving partner would do, hoping that the same love would be returned.

Instead, there were days when I felt invisible. I began to feel as though my feelings did not matter. At times, I felt more like an object in the room than a partner—present, but not truly seen. That feeling slowly stole pieces of my confidence.

Being unemployed made those feelings even heavier. I wondered if my lack of a job had changed how I saw myself. I also became insecure about my body and my weight. The woman who had once believed in herself slowly disappeared behind self-doubt and fear.

There were nights when I wished my father were still alive. I often imagined that if he were here, he would encourage me, guide me, or help me find a way forward. Losing him left an emptiness that no one else could fill. I miss him not only as my father but also as someone whose presence made me feel safe.

I try not to burden my mother. She is already carrying so much as she continues to care for my younger siblings. Instead, I carry my worries quietly and keep searching for opportunities, hoping that one day someone will believe in me and give me a chance to work again.

Even with all the uncertainty, I refuse to let go of hope.

I believe that before this year ends, my life can change. I believe I will find a job, regain my independence, and begin taking care of myself again. I want to rebuild my confidence, look after myself, and learn to love myself with the same kindness that I have always given to others.

Life has tested me in many ways. I have experienced grief, disappointment, loneliness, and seasons when I felt deeply discouraged.

But every challenge has taught me something.

And perhaps the greatest lesson is that I cannot lose myself while trying to be loved.

I am still learning.

I am still healing.

And I am still hoping.

Because my story is not over yet. ❤️