FASTEST CAT

Episode 1 Departure

I am a ninja cat.

I am not just a ninja cat.

I am a ninja cat who can read people's minds.

I am also a ninja cat who has the ability to freely travel through history, from the present to the past,

and I am an unusual esper cat.

My name is Sanzo.

I am a ninja cat so I am not a member of any organization

and live comfortably every day.

I always have a cat feather toy in my mouth.

Most of the time, people play with it.

This is to make them let their guard down.

I am a ninja.

Now, by chance, I have accepted the job of a detective

who travels through time and space to find out the truth about historical events and send articles.

The reason for this was that I thought it would be cool

to look like Sherlock Holmes traveling through history,

but it was very smart of them to choose me, the cat,

instead of a human esper.

There are many different types of human ninja, such as Iga, Koga, Fuuma, etc.,

each of which has its own psychics.

It is similar to how the FBI and CIA, which often appear in movies and TV programs,

have psychic agents.

But they are only human.

All humans have flaws.

One of the faults of human beings is that we tend to get angry.

This is common not only among ninjas, but also among those who rule,

as well as among ordinary people.

For example, in Japan's past history, samurai who did not know bushido

were quick to anger and quick to draw their swords.

Japanese swords are designed in such a way that when the sword is pulled out of its scabbard,

a small metallic sound can be heard,

and this metallic sound is called the sound of "koikuchi wo kiru" by the samurai.

In other words, the "koikuchi sound" is the same in meaning as the sound made at the moment before the bullet is fired,

when the firing hammer is raised and secured.

It is the sound that indicates that tension has reached its limit.

By the way, when I hear this sound,

I get nervous and fart.

On a personal note, when I get nervous and fart,

at that moment I am free to time warp.

Weaknesses become weapons.

Now, mankind is not all bad.

Humans have left behind many good words of wisdom and sayings.

Among them, my favorite is "Okotcha ya~yo."

The cute and comical expression of the words,

uttered with charm and sadness in the hope of "appeasing the other party's anger,"

still leaves a lasting impression on my mind.

I think it is an excellent word, very humorous and tasteful,

considering the history of mankind.

We work and live every day, but some people may go home carrying in their hearts

the various feelings that they experienced that day that cannot be put into words.

However, by the time the whole family goes home,

the lights that make up the city lights come on one by one.

There was a time when children imitated the tone of voice when this gag was played on the TV,

and men, women and the elderly all laughed together in front of the TV.

By the way, my favorite person is Issai Sato,

who is known for his words beginning with "Shunpuu," which means "Spring Breeze."

As I travel through history, I will try to wrap as many human deeds as possible in shunpuu,

and I will try to treat historical events in the same way.

No celebratory gun, but at the starting line,

nervous, Cat fart pffft.

"Farting is a deep breath of mind," the cat muttered.

Departure!

The ninja cat disappeared, leaving nothing but a sound like a sigh,

as if it had never been there in the first place.

Episode 2 World tour

I am, as requested, traveling through history.

And this mission is a world tour.

By the way, I am the fastest ninja in the world.

Why?

Because I have twice as many legs as a human being.

By the way, I am often compared with tortoises, but tortoises nowadays walk on two legs, right?

Therefore, I am the fastest.

So, just now, I felt like I was walking on the carpet in Hollywood, and I couldn't help but say:

“The fastest time traveler.”

When I tried to sound cool in English, my stomach got tense, and—Cat fart pffft.

As I walked along the road, I reached Rome.

A man who said, "My word is law" was about to enter the theater, so I went in with him.

A man named Brutus stared quietly at this man of the greatest political power.

The hallways of the theater were filled with tension.

Koikuchi's sound was heard.

In the solemn cloister, Cat fart pffft.

Warp.

The Chinese emperor likes the Japanese messenger

and says he will not return him to his country.

Koikuchi's sound was heard.

Cat fart pffft.

Warp.

Hmm, I'm lost.

It says "Canossa."

A king is kneeling to the Pope.

The sound of Koikuchi was heard.

Cat fart pffft.

Warp.

A 19-year-old woman led everyone to victory.

But after being used a lot, she was burned at the stake in the end.

By whom?

Koikuchi's sound was heard.

Cat fart pffft.

Warp.

It was like arriving in some modern country.

On a street corner, an adult was talking about how the economy was booming

after a conflict in another country.

From the bars and restaurants, I could hear people laughing and saying

that they wished there were more conflicts somewhere else and that the economy would continue to boom.

When the laughing adults returned home,

they handed boxes of presents to their children.

Did those children notice?

That inside those presents was the weight of a child's life in a war zone.

Cat fart pffft.

Warp.

"I have a dream," Martin Luther King tells everyone.

What would the problem of racism be without this man?

He has, no doubt, greatly broken down the walls of discrimination

that were built between people.

The great man was assassinated a few years after giving a speech

against the Vietnam War.

Koikuchi's sound was heard.

Cat fart pffft.

Warp.

President Trump was building a wall on the border.

The virus that is now prevalent, he calls the China virus.

Now, there is a video on TV showing an Asian citizen being beaten by a black man.

I wonder what Martin Luther King was thinking as he watched from the sky.

Koikuchi's sound was heard.

Cat fart pffft.

I warped and came back.

The arrival point is like a child's room somewhere in the world.

One child is looking at an illustrated book full of flags of the world.

I just heard the news on the radio.

The world I returned to from the past.

Germany has sent its latest tanks to Ukraine.

The United States has sent cluster bombs.

And Ukraine used those cluster bombs.

Putin is flicking strategic nuclear weapons.

In my mind, Koikuchi's sound was heard.

But I didn't warp.

Why?

Because the kid mumbled something like this faster than my ninja speed.

"Cat fart Pffft-in"

Episode 3 Sanzo Report

Today, I have safely returned,

so I am submitting this report here.

Now, where should I start?

As I mentioned before, my favorite phrase is "Okotcha-ya-yo."

This phrase was left behind by a Japanese comedian

who passed away due to COVID-19.

The reason I find "Okotcha-ya-yo" to be a very humorous, deeply meaningful, and excellent phrase

is that it acknowledges that uncontrollable righteous anger is a natural emotion everyone experiences,

while also suggesting some form of compromise.

From my perspective as a detective of human history,

people on opposing sides can get angry, and someone may manipulate events, leading to a war.

The problem is that once a war starts, people often do not realize they are being manipulated by others' intentions,

and when they want to stop, no one can halt it.

There are those who exploit the anger of people who have lost their precious family members during wartime

to sell cutting-edge weapons.

If weapons do not sell, storage costs accumulate.

They will rust from humidity, so if unsold, they must be oiled,

and maintenance and labor costs must also be paid.

The longer weapons sit in the warehouse, the more their commercial value decreases,

so warehouses need to be emptied as quickly as possible.

If a conflict occurs somewhere, and if the media stirs up the public

to justify exporting weapons to that country,

public support can allow, for example, the warehouses of the national armies of the United States or Germany to be emptied.

The emptied warehouses can then receive weapons from the warehouses of the arms industry before they rust.

Moreover, conveniently, the taxpayers of those countries pay the cost to the arms industry with their taxes.

Those who run the arms industry not only relieve themselves of inventory burdens but also receive enormous payments.

European bankers are well aware of this.

If they do not lend money to the arms industry managers,

those managers cannot pay the wages of workers in factories producing the latest tanks and fighter jets,

and production lines cannot operate.

And of course, if the weapons are not sold,

the bankers cannot recover their loans or make profits.

So, who profits from using these bankers?

It is the corporations that want data on human casualties from strategic nuclear missiles,

the huge capitalists who own the arms industry, and their shareholders.

They manipulate and incite to earn even more,

exchanging the lives of people, including children in combat zones, for vast amounts of money and power.

Greedily.

They pray for the well-being of their own children in churches

while taking the lives of children in conflict areas.

Indeed, this is how world history has been made.

Conversely, if we do not allow ourselves to be manipulated and calmly decide what we must do,

we can save as many children as possible whose lives would be lost to future wars.

It minimizes the exchange between the profits obtained by the greedy and the lives of people in wartime.

Our calm judgment and persistent negotiating power, which restrain fierce anger,

will become increasingly important.

And peace is not a vague or ambiguous word.

Peace is a concrete, quantifiable measure of how much banks have reduced the amount of money they lend to the arms industry.

This number is the key to the human question of how to reduce war on Earth and expand peace—

a shared understanding that 8 billion modern humans should have.

The bereaved will never see those who lost their lives again.

And if young people or children die without ever having the time to enjoy their youth,

it is the responsibility of adults living in the present.

This concludes my report after returning from history.

Now, it is almost time.

I think white doves are necessary in modern times, so I will leave them here.

See you later.

Cat fart pffft.