The Wake Up Call Part 3 By Ikaneng Kwalagobe

Look Inside You And Find You , Do It For You Because Nobody Will .

For these couple of weeks that went by I felt lost , down and very angry at myself. I was in a place whereby I have to choose between self forgiveness or self-criticism . I had to tell my inner being that if making mistakes doesn't kill me then learning from them will build me .

This reminds me of a situation that I managed to avoid and that really worked on my favor . I have a vague relationship with my father , he's a functioning alcoholic . Most of the time when he's under the influence of alcohol we fight . He came late home , as per usual he'll be making noise , complain even cussing around the house .

The Ikaneng I don't want to be would've woke up and the situation could've led to a fight . I decided not to repeat the same mistake of reacting but choosing peace even though it was hard to swallow . Mistakes are like a small hole when you're trapped in the dark , you can be in the dark but you're always able to see that piece of light.

Light is learning and it's very rare to learn without doing mistakes . I want to see mistakes as a form of darkness and learning a path to a brighter side . The learning journey isn't over until I stop breathing , for now I have to keep on positively believing in myself .

I often laugh at myself when I think about how I've handled some things , it shows me that I've a lot of learning to do . I have this ugly tendency of fully functioning when things go wrong , it's like when everything moves smoothly i get lost in the moment .

This made me realize that balance is very important , no one wants to be unhappy we all want a stress-free life . I've done mistakes when I was sad and done some even when I was happy . So how do i make sure I'm balanced whenever im happy so I could never make mistakes I'd later regret.

Is balance a form of discipline in other words , what's the actually root of starting to discipline yourself . Is it following your own rules regardless any circumstance ? I truly want to know because I've been asking myself about how can I discipline my way of thinking .

Thinking creates reality and most of the time I think about how i think that's the funny part . I want to observe my thoughts to a point , I can choose which thought is useful and which one is useless. I have a very creative mind , i even know not all creations are good so I want to focus the the good creations.

As im writing this today , im not living the life I want to live . I've to sacrifice some of things to reach that level and be the person I desire to be . This leads back to creation , it's root is thinking . Changing how I think , talk , behave , feel , react or respond .

Somethings aren't worthy reacting to , I've been in so many situations where being ignorant would've been the best option . Some people are easily provoked me included , the problem isn't the people provoking me . The problem is me choosing where my energy should go .

My energy should go to a place where there's peace , love , harmony and happiness . Everytime i recklessly give energy to things I don't want , that's waste and a loss to me . How do I navigate nor manipulate my energy to be in my desired direction .

Situation we often face that drowns our energy and make us feel unworthy are constantly repeating themselves . I'm saying this because the only problem we have isn't solving the problem , the real problem is navigation of the energy we let out .

I've been betrayed many times , I've cheated and been cheated on . Betrayal made me lack trust and it's not a nice place to be . Someone once told me I'm an observant person , that's a cool thing but not in the reality of a heavily betrayed person .

I intended to overlook at somethings , it was like im in a new beautiful place but im scouting for faulty or suspicious stuff . I don't know about other people , from my experience after being cheated on there's questions you ask yourself .

Am i good enough?

Is there anything wrong with me?

I did ask me these kind of questions and alot more . Was i navigating my energy to good things ? Simply NO!!!

I was looking for the wrongs not focusing on the rights . This is a killer to beautiful things because once you get in a new relationship , that's where it reveals whether you're ready to let go of the past or you're still holding on .

The relationship was good , everything was running smoothly the problem was the survival mentality . Don't get me wrong , people think the word " survive " is a good word in every situation . You can survive several times but if you didn't win the battle is never over .

I call it survival mentality because I was always cautious , it was like driving a car to reach a destination but in my mind I thought " what if i get an accident " . How can I be in a relationship but thinking of bad things that might happen ?

That's the first step of wrong navigation of energy . You can't dig in a cemetery expecting to find gold instead of corpses .

It was the survival mentality , trying to be step ahead instead of being present and enjoying . Lack of trust is a monster to freedom , unity and progress . Two people who really love each other should trust each other no matter what .

I wasn't aware of that till i fumbled , my mind was focusing on bad things that might happen guess what they did happen because im fascinated with them . There's a quote that says " you can't live a positive life with a negative mind " .

If you think you'll get hurt then that's what you attract unaware for yourself . Thinking should also be seen as a skill because that's how you start by building yourself .

How can I navigate my energy to a positive direction ? How can I think positive ? so I can live positively .

Why should past experiences make one anxious ? Why the mind records bad things when something goes wrong it's like every bad thing you had encountered replays in your head

I want to think about the times I was happy even when im facing something that could make me cry. I want to navigate my energy to the direction of the undefeatable me .

Everyone has their demons but they're just energy suckers , can you and I direct our energy to our angels . Angels as a form of happiness , freedom , love and light .

My wake up call is redirecting , positively observing , wishful thinking and believing i also deserve good things regardless of my past experiences . Do you believe so ?

How do you see yourself ? What's really your self-image? What are those things you know you deserve? Who are you when nobody's watching?