Toko 1
Friday, December 02, 2022
It's 3:45 p.m. on the entire Green Island. City 407 is still suffocating under its forty degrees Celsius heat, unlike City 301, whose cold climate and overcast skies had deeply unsettled me during my first three months here.
There are still several hours left before class ends.
I can't wait for it to be over, I badly want to be outside.
— That's all for today. We'll meet again next week. Have a nice weekend, the professor announces before leaving the room, forcing his way through the students rushing out.
— Any plans for tonight ? someone asks.
I put all of my notebooks, pen in my bag before carrying it on my back.
— No. Like usual, I'm going straight home.
I already know to whom belong that voice. My best friend.
We leave the classroom then take the stairs.
— Your mom's traveling, right? Jedaiah asks, jumping off the last step of the staircase and landing on the grounds of EMIT.
How did he know that ?
— I'm not really in the mood to go out tonight, I admit, already knowing where he's going with this.
— Seriously, Raon ~ he insists.
— I'm leaving, I say, heading toward my car.
— Wait ! Can you drop me off at Sasha's place ? he asks, forcing a cute expression.
I frown.
— Who's Sasha ?
I didn't realized he was gripping my shirt's sleeve all this time.
— No need for you to know, he replies, opening the door.
I release my hand from his grip.
— If you say so.
I get into the car. A slight perfume float in the air, I'm pretty sure some people took a picture with the car again.
Where does this "Sasha" even live ?
I fasten my belt, eye Jed to do the same before starting the engine.
We leave Andrainjato and take the road into the city. I would have hated this place if I didn't have a car, those mountains surrounding the faculty are exhausting.
I don't even wanna talk about the dust from unpaved roads.
— You'll know it sooner or later anyway so... Eris is back in town, Jedaiah blurts.
My grip on the wheels tighten. Things I silently pray he didn't notice.
I feel him staring on me, heavy, waiting.
I don't bother hiding my surprise. I glance at him, searching for a hint of a joke, before focusing back on the road.
— You don't believe me ?!
I stop the car, letting a family cross the road.
— I do. I believe you.
Roch Jedaiah isn't just an acquaintance. He's my childhood friend - just like Eris. But they've known each other before they were born, sharing a bond I once envied. But since the Roch family moved from City 407 to City 301, they lost contact. Now, they only exchange jabs during video calls.
I start the vehicle before the ones behind us starts honking to show their displeasure. Quite common here with all those bus.
— You're still on bad terms ? he asks.
— We never were.
I turn on the left.
— She's ignored you for five months. She didn't even call once while she was in Germany, right? You didn't mess up before she left?
— No. I answer without hesitation.
I remember the night her parents finally agreed to enroll her in a private Catholic school. We talked for three hours straight. She laughed at everything I said-she was radiant.
She often complained about being isolated, homeschooled since she was four, her father deciding when her education should begin.
— I've got a bad feeling... Imagine she dumps you the moment you step into her garden.
I check the time. Three o'clock.
An useless attempt to ignore him.
— Where does she live ?
— Who ? Eris ? Near the forest, you go up a bit, then turn left at-
— I'm asking where Sasha lives, I snap.
— Oh ~ Antarandolo.
So, I'll just need a small detour to reach Eris's place.
— We're here.
He takes a look around and notices the station gas at our right.
— Yeah. Looks like it... Good luck ~
I stay behind for a moment after he leaves.
Why didn't she tell me she was back ?
She chose to work right after graduating without telling me anything. I don't ask for much. Just some news.
Is that too much ?
As far as I know, I'm still her boyfriend. We never spoke about breaking up in three years.
The simple thought unsettles me, deeply.
I drive off, trying to calm myself.
How will she react when she sees me?
Jedaiah's words echo in my head.
Stop thinking about it.
I park in front of her apartment. The keys buried in my pocket.
The butterflies in my stomach turn into stinging bees. I stop in front of the white door.
I can hear her voice.
She's on the phone, irritated, cursing softly.
I knock three times.
She opens the door.
For a second, I don't recognize her.
Her naturally curly black hair is cut short, stopping at her nape. Before, it reached her back. Her lips form a smile but it doesn't reach her eyes.
— What are you doing here ?
An unpleasant sensation creeps in.
— Can I come in ?
She hesitates, then steps aside.
The apartment looks the same. Almost the same if not the hallway wall is empty. From our old photos. Now, four paintings I've never seen hangs there.
She takes me to the living room, there isn't much dust as I thought. She must have cleaned the whole house, there's a smell like fresh floor soap floating in the air.
I sit on the gray couch, scanning the room.
Nothing has changed here, admist the unpacked boxes in corners of the room. Nothing has changed.
Except her.
Her cheeks are hollow now. Fatigue weighs on her face, and my chest tightens.
— Want something to drink ?
Her striking dark eyes were looking at me. Calm.
— ...No, I decline.
— I'm busy right now.
— Then I'll wait.
She stares at me, unpleased. My belly churn.
— You should go home, she mutters.
— There's no rush. I'll sleep in the guest room. We'll talk tomorrow if you cannot make it today.
She doesn't answer.
The silence presses down on me.
I find it difficult to sit still, my right feet was tapping on the floor.
— I can help, if you want. I don't know what it is about, but-
— There's no need. Help yourself if you need anything.
She cuts me off and locks herself in her room.
I eat alone.
Three hours pass.
I go back to the car to get my bag.
When I return, she was lying on the couch, asleep.
I tried my best to stay still but my bag slips from my hand. The noise wakes her.
She gently raises up.
— I thought you'd left, she groans.
— ...I told you I'd stay.
— You never know with unexpected things, she murmurs.
Even that won't make me leave this house.
— Did you eat ? I ask her.
— ...Not yet, she hesitantly replies.
She wavered!
Just a little bit but there's hope I can get rid of her indifference which intimately gnaws at me.
— Wait. I'll get you a plate.
I'm hurrying to the kitchen to serve the food. I came back in the living room, place the food in front of her and sit on the floor.
She stare at the plate for more than five minutes.
— I don't think I can eat, she finally blurt out.
I take the silver spoon and bring it before her mouth.
— Just one spoon ?
She glares at me. I drop my arm.
— Don't insist.
Her cold gaze freezes me.
— Let's stop here.
My heart skips a heartbeat.
Her words hit instantly.
The little hope I had vanished.
— We've known each other since we were six, Raon. Aren't you tired of this relationship our parents arranged ?
My heart screams no.
— I am, she says before I could even speak.
React, Raon.
It's hard to move or think straightly because of the shock. And the panic.
— ...May I know the reason ?
My clammy hands are bothering me.
— ...
— Why? My voice trembles.
She looks at me, a glint of shame takes possession of her face.
— I no longer love you.
Ah.
She doesn't love me anymore.
— ...Your parents called me. They ignore where you are right now and ask if you contacted me.
What am I even saying? She said she doesn't love me.
Even though the fear came true, I can't let her go. I'm acting with sudden fear and stress right now.
Yeah, everyone will notice that I'm trying to rationalize my actions right now.
— So? What are you trying to say by that?
Her eyes are much more darker now. Unreadable.
Hostile.
Honey, forgive me for such a low blow. You doen't leave me a choice.
— I don't think your father will appreciate hearing you left Germany without noticing them, I slowly say.
The pain and guilt I feel after is unbearable.
She doesn't peak.
She seems surprised.
Well, I never acted this way - puerile, infantile- with her.
Before she could say anything I walk toward the guest room and lock myself in.
