Dedication
To the version of me who learnt that the sound of a key turning in a lock could change the temperature of an entire house.
I survived domestic violence.
Those four words are simple to put on paper. Living long enough to write them was not.
Abuse rarely looks the way people outside it expect. Someone can hurt you and still make you laugh. They can terrify you at night and make breakfast in the morning. You can love them, fear them, defend them and still be their victim. Staying does not mean you chose the abuse, and leaving is rarely one clean, fearless act.
This book is for every woman who was told she caused it, every man who was told it could not happen to him, every child who learnt to make themselves small when voices rose, and every survivor who has ever wondered why they did not leave sooner.
You were surviving.
For those who escaped. For those still planning. For those rebuilding themselves in the quiet afterwards. And for those who never got the chance.
You are not weak. You are not to blame. You do not owe your abuser your silence.
There is a life beyond fear. I know because I am learning to live it.
This one is for us.
If This Story Feels Familiar
Domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence. It can include coercive control, sexual violence, threats, stalking, humiliation, isolation, financial control and being made to feel afraid in your own home. It happens to women and men, in every kind of relationship.
The Numbers
Comparable figures are collected separately across the United Kingdom. In England and Wales, the Office for National Statistics estimated that, in the year ending March 2025:
2.2 million females — 9.1% — experienced domestic abuse.
1.5 million males — 6.5% — experienced domestic abuse.
Across all adults, 6.1% experienced abuse specifically from a current or former partner.
Source: Office for National Statistics
In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that, during their lifetimes:
More than one in three women have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner.
More than one in six men have experienced the same.
Nearly one in four women and approximately one in seven men have experienced physical violence from an intimate partner.
Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Behind every statistic is a person whose fear was real, whether they reported the abuse or not.
Help in the United Kingdom
If you are in immediate danger, call 999. If you are calling from a mobile and cannot speak, listen for the instructions and press 55 when prompted.
England — National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
Free and confidential, 24 hours a day.
nationaldahelpline.org.uk
UK-wide — Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
Monday to Friday, 10am–1pm and 2pm–5pm.
mensadviceline.org.uk
Wales — Live Fear Free: 0808 80 10 800
Free and confidential, 24 hours a day.
gov.wales/live-fear-free
Scotland — Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline: 0800 027 1234
Free and confidential, 24 hours a day.
sdafmh.org.uk
Northern Ireland — Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline: 0808 802 1414
Free and confidential, 24 hours a day.
dsahelpline.org
Help in the United States
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
Live chat and safety-planning support: thehotline.org
Support is free, confidential and available 24 hours a day to people of every gender.
If you believe your phone or internet use is being monitored, use a safer device to seek help if you can.
Statistics and contact information checked August 2026.
