Prologue
Prologue
Bain
An inkling.
That’s how it always starts.
Something you can’t see—only feel. It settles in your gut until it hardens into knots. It catches you off guard, and you don’t know why. You start questioning everything around you, wondering what’s about to blow up because this feeling always comes back to something bad.
I couldn’t have predicted the something bad was going to be horrific.
No one could have.
The possibilities are endless as to what could cause the sinking feeling in my stomach, the nausea threatening to bring back the lunch I ate a few hours ago. Standing in line at airport security, I don’t expect one phone call to change my life forever.
To cause damage that can never be undone.
“Lawson, what’s up?”
“You need to meet me at your place. Immediately.”
Something in his voice isn’t right.
“You know I can’t. I’m headed to Vegas. Remember? The meeting you set up?”
“Bain, that can wait. This can’t. Please… I can’t explain over the phone.”
Something about Lawson’s tone tells me not to argue. Just shut my mouth and do what he’s asking. He wouldn’t call me without a damn good reason.
Even while running out of the airport and hailing a cab with my baggage in hand, I don’t recognize the sick feeling twisting my stomach for what it is.
A warning.
Throwing money at the cab driver, I haul ass to the apartment Sara and I share. The front door opens before I can reach it.
Lawson stands there.
His head hangs low.
He won’t even look at me.
It’s bad.
I know it is.
“Tell me.”
His eyes finally meet mine, and he breaks.
Fucking folds right in half like whatever he’s carrying is too damn heavy to hold anymore.
My gut.
The feeling.
This is why.
This moment right here…
It’s about to define the rest of my life.
“There’s been an accident.” His voice cracks. “We need to get to the hospital. I’m driving.”
Sara.
Samantha.
My girls.
My world.
The reason I do everything I do.
“What?”
The word barely comes out.
Everything in my head just…
Stops.
I stumble backward, landing on my ass on the front porch.
This can’t be real.
It isn’t real.
It’s a nightmare.
A fucked-up nightmare I’m going to wake up from any second now.
“Bain.” Lawson grabs my arm. “Get in my truck. Now.”
I stare at him, a million questions sitting on the tip of my tongue.
I couldn’t tell you a damn thing about the drive to the hospital.
My last memory is hitting the porch.
My next is hitting my knees in the emergency room lobby.
Nobody has to tell me someone died.
I can see it on every one of their faces.
Griffin.
Jade.
Mom.
Dad.
They’re all looking at me with sympathy.
Maybe even pity.
They’re as lost as I am.
I haven’t cried since I was twelve because men don’t cry.
Okay…
I cried when Samantha was born.
But nobody saw that, so it doesn’t count.
Today, though…
Today I do more than cry.
I fucking drown.
My lungs stop working.
My throat closes.
My heart shatters into so many pieces I don’t think they’ll ever fit back together.
When I finally manage to speak, I ask the one question I don’t want answered.
“Who?”
The word barely leaves my mouth.
Lawson answers.
He’s the only one strong enough to carry both of us through this.
“Sara.”
The world goes silent.
Then I scream.
The sound tears out of me before I even know I’m making it.
I break.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t think.
I hit my knees, shaking so hard I can’t hold myself up as sob after sob rips through me.
This is too much for one person to survive.
