Dexter4Life

Hello!

I’m Dexter!

And when I was younger my Dad Harry caught me kicking a rock towards a fence, and then he said, “Come here, Dexter.

It’s time for us to talk.” and then I went over to him and we talked, and then he told me that kicking rocks into fences is pretty aggressive and that I should direct my aggression in better directions such as killing people who had aggressed against others by murdering them and were planning to murder again.

And then I said, “And so then I’d be more sending their aggression back at them instead of being aggressive myself?…” and then he said, “Yup!

I mean, the police department tries to lock people who’ve murdered people up, but it’s tough to capture and imprison all of the murderers, ya know?” and then I said, “But wouldn’t I be a murderer if I were to murder people who had murdered and were planning on murdering again?…” and then Dad said, “Well, th-“ but then his words were cut off by a freaking hurricane! coming by and swooping me up and into the air!; and then I said, “Oh no!…

I think that this hurricane is taking me to another place!…” and then Harry said, “Just remember what I told you!!!

Only kill people who you’ve definitively proved have both killed and are planning to kill again!” and then I said, “You mean like state executioners?” and then Harry said, “No!!!” and then I said, “But if I do what you’re saying then won’t I fall into the category of people who I’m supposed to kill?…

And why don’t state executioners fit into the category of people who I’m supposed to kill?…” and then Harry said, “Nevermind!!!

Don’t kill anyone!!!

I was wrong, and so ju-…” and then I wasn’t able to hear him anymore because the hurricane had now carried me too far away from him for me to hear him anymore; and so then I said, “And so where are we heading to anyway, hurricane?…” and then the hurricane said, “That’s up to you, Dexter!…” and then I said, “Oh!…

Well, how about back home then?…” and then the hurricane chuckled and said, “Hahahahaha!…

Very funny!…

It’s gotta be someplace other than home!…” and then I said, “Ummm…

Well, I’ve always wanted to visit Canada…” and then the hurricane said, “Think bigger, Dexter!…

I want you to choose some world that you thought was only fictional!…” and then I said, “Hmmm…

Well, I’ve always liked the Harry Potter world, and so how about there?…” and then the hurricane said, “Let’s do it!…” and then I was soon transported over to the world of witchcraft and wizardry!; and I was on a train that was headed towards Hogwarts!; and then I saw someone sitting next to me who looked like Draco Malfoy; and then he saw me and said, “Who are you, and why are you heading towards Hogwarts?…

Are you a mu-“ but then someone who looked like Harry Potter who was walking by said, “Don’t say it, Malfoy!…” and then Draco said, “I was going to say muggle, you buffoon!…

I mean, I only say the other word when talking about people like your friend Hermione, you imbecile!…” and then a person who looked liked Ron suddenly dashed towards Draco out of nowhere!; but then I stepped in front of Ron and said, “Whoa there, buddy!

The proper response to words is words!

Don’t respond to words with violence!” and then Ron said, “But Draco was using fightin’ words!!!…” and then someone who looked like Hermione stepped into sight and said, “The fightin’ words argument is a bunch of malarkey, Ron; and so just let Draco be foul-mouthed if he wants to, and debate him if you want to confront him about it.” and then Draco said, “It figures that the mu-…

Errrrr…

I mean, that Hermione is the one who wants for Ron to calm down, because she knows that he’ll just get injured if he fights with me!, and she wants to marry him someday, and so she’d prefer to have an uninjured husband.” and then a person who looked like Astoria Greengrass stepped into sight and said, “Did I hear Draco just correct himself instead of spewing hateful bigotry?…

Now that’s the sort of thing that I can respect and that makes him more handsome!…” and then Draco said, “Your flattery won’t work on me, Astoria; and I only refrained from saying the whole word because I wanted to get back to focusing on this person who isn’t supposed to be on this train!” and then I said, “That’s me!…

Or at least Draco thinks that I’m not supposed to be on this train!…

But the magic hurricane who brought me here thinks that I belong on this train!…” and then a person who looked like Ginny walked into sight and said, “Magic hurricane, eh?…

You weren’t brought here by Tom Riddle, were you?…” and then I frowned and said, “I don’t think so…

I mean, the hurricane seemed pretty friendly…

Though I suppose that the hurricane did kind of kidnap me, and so perhaps the hurricane is kind of villainous…

But I don’t think that the hurricane’s Voldemort-level villainous!…” and then Draco said, “Y’all misunderstand ol’ Voldemort; because he just wants for us to be able to become immortal!; and, I mean, what’s the point of being able to do all of this magic if we aren’t allowed to become immortal with it?…” and then Astoria said, “But he’s murderous and prejudiced; though becoming immortal would be fine if it could be done in a morally acceptable way.” and then Harry said, “And we’re back to fightin’ words now too!, Malfoy!; because Voldemort murdered my parents!…” and then I said, “And so which year is this?…

Year 3?…” and then Draco (who was now fist-fighting with Harry said, “Doesn’t matter, outsider!” and then I said, “I’m just trying to figure out the timeline of events here…” and then Hermione said, “If you came here from another part of the multiverse and have heard one version of what happens to us in a different part of the multiverse then things are probably somewhat different here then they are in the part of the multiverse that you know about us from…

And STOP FIGHTING, Draco and Harry!!!!…” and then Draco said, “I can’t stop unless he stops first, for obvious reasons…” and then Harry said, “And neither can I, for obvious reasons…” and then an adult walked over to all of us and said, “You’re all going to be expelled because of you all fighting in here!!!” and then I said, “Well…

That’s not good…” and it sure wasn’t!; because then before long we were indeed all expelled from Hogwarts!; and then as Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Harry, Astoria, Draco, and I all walked along down a deserted rocky road together Draco said, “This is crazy!!!…

I mean, Peeves has done way worse things than I’ve ever done!, and he’s never been expelled!…

And now my parents are gonna kill me for having been expelled if I ever encounter them again!!” and then I said, “For real?…” and then he said, “Well…

There’s certainly a chance that they would, anyway…

Though, I mean, maybe they would have mercy and simply disown me instead…

But, either way, I’m not interested in finding out what they would do!…

And then suddenly! the magic hurricane showed up and said, “Hey, y’all!

I see that me sending Dexter into that train with y’all really changed things up a bit!…” and then Harry said, “Can you transport us back in time so that we won’t be expelled anymore?…” and then the magic hurricane said, “Your wish is my command!…” and then we were all transported back in time, but we were transported back into King Arthur’s castle instead of back to just a little while before we’d been expelled from Hogwarts!…; and so then Draco said, “Hmmm…

Your wish totally backfired on you, Potter; but this situation is actually preferable to me having ever had to face my parents again, and so I’m not complaining…” and then Astoria said, “I wanna become a knight of the round table!…” and then I said, “Aren’t all of the knights of the round table male though?…” and then Hermione said, “Depends what part of the multiverse you’re thinking of.” and then Ginny said, “And we can become the first 3 female knights of the round table if there aren’t any in this part of the multiverse!…” and then Ron said, “Over my dead body…

I mean, wouldn’t you 3 want to remain witches instead of becoming knights?…” and then Draco said, “Yeah!…

And I wanna remain a wizard instead of becoming a knight too!…

I swear that this is the first time that Ron’s ever been correct about anything…” and then I said, “Couldn’t we be both?…

I mean, we could be witch-knights and wizard-knights!…” and then Harry said, “That sounds pretty unachievable, I think…” and then Ginny said, “Never say never!…” and then Draco began singing Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith’s Never Say Never song; and then King Arthur walked into sight and then said, “The performers for the banquet have finally arrived, I see!…

Wonderful!…

Just follow me this way!…” and then Draco smirked and said, “Looks like we’re neither magicians nor knights!; for we shall be performers!” as we all followed King Arthur over to the banquet hall; and so then we were all soon standing in front of everyone in the banquet hall; and then Draco began singing Never Say Never in front of everyone; and then once he had finished singing the song he said, “Your turn, Astoria!…” and then Astoria said, “Ummm…” and then she began singing Thug Story by Taylor Swift and T-Pain; and Draco grinned and whispered, “Good choice by Astoria!” to me; and then he added, “And you’re next, Dexter!…” and so then after Astoria had finished singing Thug Story I sang Psycho Killer by Talking Heads; and then after I had finished singing Psycho Killer I said, “Your turn, Hermione!…” and then Hermione began singing What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong; and then after she had finished singing What a Wonderful World; Ron said, “I’ve got one!…” and then he began singing The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?) by Ylvis; and then after he had finished singing The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?) he said, “You’re next sis!…” and then Ginny began singing One Way or Another by Blondie; and then once she had finished singing One Way or Another she said, “And now Harry will sing the final song!…” and then Harry began singing the VeggieTales Theme Song by Mike Nawrocki and Lisa Vischer; and then once he had finished singing the VeggieTales Theme Song he, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Draco, Astoria, and I all bowed and said that that was all for this performance; and then everyone applauded; and then King Arthur said, “And I enjoyed y’all’s performances so much that I’m willing to hire y’all full-time!…

And so that would mean free food and lodgings here at the castle and also some wages if you perform 5 nights a week!…” and then Draco quickly! said, “We’ll do it!…

And so if someone will just show us to our lodgings after the banquet’s over then…” and then King Arthur said, “But of course!…

Would you like to show them to their lodgings after the banquet ends, Guinevere, my love?…” and then Guinevere said, “Sounds good!…

And I’ll show them to where they can enjoy some of this banquet’s food too!…” and then she walked over to us and said, “Just follow me if you want some food!…” and then she showed us over to where we could enjoy some of the banquet’s food; and then she said, “And I’ll just go ahead and enjoy the rest of my meal over here with y’all too, since I’ll be showing y’all to your lodgings later anyway.” and so then we all enjoyed a very tasty meal, and we talked with Guinevere for a while and learned a lot about how things worked at the castle; and then after the meal had ended she led us over to the lodgings that we could stay at; and then she said, “And just let us know if there’s anything that we can help y’all with to help y’all get settled; and I look forward to seeing y’all perform again at tomorrow’s banquet!…” and then we all thanked her and exchanged friendly farewells with her; and then she walked away from our lodgings; and so now Astoria, Draco, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and I had the lodgings that we’d been shown to to ourselves, and we could now plan out how we might proceed next during our new life at King Arthur’s castle…