Needs Improvements

"Firstly, the idea is actually interesting. Two men coming to the same neighborhood on the same day, one being a cop and the other one a criminal, their past was actually connected, etc. I expected something much more complicated, though, and your way of writing seemed to make everything so simple. I think you need to deepen the characters and write more details on everything. Some background stories, for example a story about why Jack ended up killing people, would be nice since readers could understand his motives and actually sympathize him (though he was a killer). I was also wondering about Crazy Woman and Hat Woman. I thought it was a part of the sinister thin about the city. You could write something about them and turn them into a bigger part of the story, too. About the screenplay-formatted dialogues, I think it doesn't fit well. I've seen your other story, 'Welcome Back to The Show', and the format is good, but not for this one. I think you'd better turn this one into paragraphs. I also noticed some inconsistencies in the tenses and the story's point of view. I suggest you to improve this story, since this could be really interesting. Well, I hope this helps. Keep writing! Regards, Kei Angelus"