Unbalanced

It felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like I couldn’t grasp my life anymore and I was just watching it spiral out of control while I stood and watched in detachment.

My breathing, non existent in my chest, eyes filling with unshed tears as I watch, in what felt like slow motion, wanting so badly to reach out and grasp with both hands, yet my arms would not respond to my desperate request.

Tears spilling over as I take a shuddering breath into my burning lungs. My arms, finally responding after what felt like an eternity, to reach out to the reason I breathe. Wrapping my arms around him, holding onto him like my life depended on it. Because it did. Without him I had no reason to live.

Everything else having been taken away from me. Having lost everything else. He was the only thing left. My love, my life, my soul. After losing my family he was there. After the loss of our unborn child, he stayed with me. But now as I hold on, as my lungs burn with the sobs wracking my body, and not supplying much needed air. Eyes blurring with never ending tears, I was afraid that this once, he would not be there any longer.

I could faintly hear his shuddering breaths as I held him. I couldn’t lose him, I just couldn’t. He reached up and caressed my cheek with his right hand as I gazed down at him in my arms, the tears continuing to fall.

‘no this is not happening’. No, no this cant be happen! He puled me closer so that his lips were against my ear, as he whispered.

“its ok. You will be ok. You have to let me go.” I shook my head frantically, his breathing becoming more shallow. ‘how can he give up like this?’

“No, you cant go, I cant lose you! Please, don’t leave me!” He smiled faintly up at me as a tear falls from his eyes.

“I cant stay, my love. Its time. I love you.” I sobbed harder as I hear him take his last breath, his hand falling away from my face. Grabbing his hand, I place it back against my cheek willing him to open his eyes.

“I love you too! Please don’t go! I love you!” my voice fading as I rock us back and forth, sobbing as the love of my life fades away from me. In the distance im aware of people shouting and sirens approaching, yet all I can think is.

He saved me and in return I couldn’t do the same.